Well, the bright side is that I'm getting better at blogging now that I FINALLY have my laptop back from getting fixed. Once Andy finally sent it off (after weeks of carrying it in his truck), Best Buy got it back to us in about 2 weeks! So, I've been super excited not to have to work on my old, crummy, superslow, infected laptop anymore.

This weekend has been fabulous, but today things have been weighing heavy on my mind. Do you know those days when everything seems to hit you at once? It seems like everything I'm worried about tries to bother me all at once sometimes, and I can't shake the feeling. This morning I got up and got Emory and I ready for church. Andy decided to stay home because he has a huge project due Monday morning. On the way, Emory fell asleep and my mind just started drifting to different things that I've been worried about but always just push away. Usually these worries hit me one at a time on different occasions, but they all ran through my head over and over today, which was difficult.

First of all, I had a dream last night that was really weird. It was about an old friend who is no longer a friend to me. In the dream, I found out she was having a baby, and I wanted so badly to be there for her and reconnect with her. This morning the dream was really getting to me. Am I feeling bad about what happened between us? Does a part of me really want to reconnect with her? Is she still the same person that she was (which is ultimately why I decided to part ways), or is she more of a person that I could be friends with again?

I'm also worried about the future. Not my future necessarily, but a few people very close to me. One in particular is something that I feel I could help with if I had the nerve to say something to the person, to give advice to them, but I won't because I know it's not wanted and wouldn't be received well.

It just so happens that Bro. Jim was speaking today about giving advice. Isn't God humorous sometimes? Do we really accept advice the way God had intended us to? When we are failing, do we get defensive when a brother or sister comes to us and tries to help and offer their advice, like they are commanded to do? Instead of being grateful for them for saving us, we get defensive, mad, and upset and often blow up. This leads to us turning even more in the other direction ... all because of pride.

Anyway, after listening to the lecture, I decided on the way home that it was pretty pointless to worry about everything that had been crossing my mind on the way there and that I was commanded to not borrow worries from the future. That's basically not trusting that God will take care of us, anyway...but oh, so hard to think like that.

On to other news...I'm not quite ready to start the week yet. Emory's sleep patterns aren't what they used to be and she has been waking very frequently the past 2-3 weeks. She was only waking once at night, but for some reason all that has gone to pot. I am looking at trying to let her "cry it out" so I asked for advice from my fellow mom friends on Facebook. It seems like the general consensus says 45 minutes to an hour of crying is usually what it takes the first night. Sigh. Not really possible for a working mommy! So, I plan to try again this coming weekend. I originally started on Friday night but had a splitting headache all night long, so I just gave up. I couldn't bear letting her cry when my head was hurting so bad!

Highlights of the weekend:

Friday night Emory rolled over for the first time by herself! I was so proud of her!

Saturday morning Andy got up at 6:30 with Emory so I could sleep, brought me McDonald's HOTCAKES (my favorite) for breakfast (in BED), then went and did the dreaded Wal-Mart shopping while Emory and I went shopping and ate lunch with my mom, grandma, sister, and nephew! It was fabulous!

When I got home, we got some fun shots of Emory!

I then got to catch up on all my DVR'd shows that I missed this week - Private Practice, CSI, Law & Order, and Mercy. I LOVE having DVR, especially now that we have Emory and it's so hard to catch my favorite shows!

It's time for me to hit the sack. I hope everyone has a fabulous week and remember how blessed you are!

Matthew 6:34

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

My Day

Yesterday was Show Us Your Life - What Is Your Typical Day? on Kelly's Korner Blog. I have just recently started reading her blog and thought I'd try out a Show Us Your Life post. I know I'm a day late but I did nothing but run, run, run yesterday (and Andy, Emory, and I fell asleep at 8:00 last night!) so here it is!

My day is c r a z y - and usually varies greatly whether I am traveling for work or if it's a night Andy is in class. On a normal day, I get up around 6 and get ready in a hurry so I can be dressed before Emory wakes up. After I'm ready, I'll get my breakfast and lunch ready and then wake Em up, get her dressed for the day, and feed her. If it's a Monday or Thursday I'll load her up and we'll head off to work together, but if it's a Tuesday or Wednesday my mother-in-law comes to our house to babysit for the day. On Fridays Andy takes her to my sister's house. I try to get to work by 7:15 or 7:30.

Work tasks vary greatly as well, but you can count on a busy day but usually lots of small breaks to chat with co-workers who just happen to be some of my good friends!

Around 3:30 I'll head home. Sometimes my mother-in-law has cooked us supper, which is such a great help since Andy and I both work and he's in grad school. I usually will play with Em for awhile when I get home. We try to work on her exercises, like tummy time or rolling over!

She'll start to get tired around 5 or 6 and take a small nap. Andy will come home and play with Em for awhile.

Andy and I will eat supper (if it's a night that his mom hasn't cooked, he'll come home from work and make us dinner). We'll watch some t.v. for a few minutes and give Em a bath and get her ready for bed. She usually is in her crib by 8 or 8:30, at which time I'll go take a shower (BEST part of my day - complete solitude!!) and get ready for bed. Andy and I will usually watch some t.v. before bed and around 10 I'll try to get in bed since Emory has been waking up every 2-3 hours lately because she's getting her first TOOTH in!

Life with an infant is SO much more hectic than I ever thought it would be! I didn't put in there anywhere about housework, but usually after dinner I'll clean up the kitchen and throughout the afternoon I'll usually have laundry going or something. I've always been OCD about housework but it's SO hard with a little one, and working full time on top of a baby is exhausting! So I've had to learn to let a few things go - which has been a very hard lesson for me, but necessary if I want to stay sane!

I don't have a lot of time to do personal things but I'm on the search for a new Bible study. I could really use something uplifting right now!

Overall, I LOVE my life - every bit of it, even though at times it is overwhelming and exhausting, and I try to cherish every moment that God has given me!

Exodus 20:6
"And showing mercy to thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments."

Warrior.

Wow - once agan, it's been 2 weeks since my last blog post. It has been another insane 2 weeks, complete with a second round of antibiotics for Emory, a grueling stomach virus for Andy and I, a trip to the E.R., and a stressful struggle to continue nursing through everything that has happened.

I just can't go into everything that happened with the stomach virus, but it was BAD. I literally was lying in bed thinking that I was going to die. I have never been so sick in my life and the violent vomiting led to severe dehydration (again) which led to a trip to the E.R. (again) after I discovered that I was no longer producing milk for Emory. As we drove to the E.R. I thought to myself this is it, I won't be able to get it back...and was devestated.

After two bags of fluids and a day off of work on Monday to rest, I called the lactation nurse on Tuesday. She tried to make me feel better and said to not worry but trust the maternal process and wait for my milk to fully return and to continue nursing as much as possible. I did what she said and hoped that I wouldn't have to supplement with formula. On Tuesday evening Andy called on his way home and I was barely able to hold back the tears when I told him I didn't know if I'd have enough stored milk to make it until mine came back in full. He quickly told me it was OKAY and that I had been a "warrior." I don't think he realizes how much it meant when he called me that.

Being a mother has been the most challenging, scary, wonderful, beautiful, and stressful thing I have ever done, but nursing along with that has been extremely hard. I believe in nursing - the benefits and the fact that it is natural and the way God has intended - with everything in me, and therefore will continue to stick to it throughout this year until Emory is able to be switched to cow's milk.

I have a wonderful, supportive husband and wonderful, supportive family and friends that are backing me and I can't be more thankful! I hope you all know how much you mean to me and how helpful it is to hear encouraging words.

Emory is an active 3 1/2 month old now, and so sweet! In just three short weeks we will have her 4 month checkup. Here are some current facts:

Emory LOVES to chew on her hands and has hit the DROOLING phase where bibs are a must!

She also is using her hands so much more! Grabbing, holding, touching, and feeling everything!


She is getting used to the supercute headbands that I put on her that used to REALLY annoy her!

She is doing so much better holding her head up and looking at the world.

She weighs a little over 14 lbs now (I KNOW!) and is wearing 3-6 month clothes. She WAS sleeping through the night except for waking one time until she got sick, and we have been recovering since then and trying to get back to a normal sleep pattern! (What is normal anyway!?). She LOVES to screech and make noises. She loves to watch t.v., primarily Disney, kick her legs, and CHEW on everything. She also has finally given in and learned to sit in her Bumbo seat! She smiles a big smile and we are just in love with her.

I can't believe how fast time is flying!

Psalms 39:4

"LORD, make me know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is: that I may know how frail I am."

Sickness and Snow!

Well, in my last post I mentioned battling a cold along with Emory, who I thought only had a cough. Much to my dismay, a "just in case" doctor visit last week unvieled RSV and double ear infections! I was so sad to find out that my little girl was going through her first of - I'm sure - many more sicknesses, but it is so hard when they aren't feeling well and you can't do anything about it!

Today was day 7 of our antibiotics and she is really seeming to feel better, which I am thankful for. Yesterday I was at home - bored - secondary to LOTS of snow. I started clicking on blog after blog, just reading what people had to say and if any blogs I encountered were interesting to me. I came across one and the first post said "Please pray for ..." and it mentioned a little girl recently diagnosed with RSV, who is now at a Children's hospital somewhere (not sure if it was Arkansas?) in ICU. It really hit me hard since Emory is going through the exact same thing, but the Lord has protected her from extensive illness, and I can't explain how thankful I am.

A friend asked me the other day how I was doing, since Emory was sick. Of course, it is so hard on mama when your baby is sick! But my eyes have really been opened lately. I've been talking to close friends and reading about others who have encountered heartbreaking situations with their little ones. Illness after illness after illness, a disorder, or even death. These moms are SO strong. I can't imagine the amount of strength it takes to pull it all together - and keep it all together - when your little one is hurting and you can't do anything about it. So, here's to all of YOU beautiful mom's out there who have gone through anything from a measley cold to the death of a child. YOU are wonderful, and your children are wonderfully made.

On a lighter note...

Mom called tonight and had ordered Em some shoes. I was so excited! I had been talking about buying her these for awhile now, but couldn't justify spending $25 dollars on them since she will outgrow them so fast. BUT...mom found some on SALE! and she ordered them a little big so they will fit for awhile (hey...it's not like she's walking yet!). I can't WAIT to get them in!

So cute, right?!

I have also really been wanting to redesign my blog and make it more of my own personality. The one I have right now is...I know, I know...stark. I guess I was just wanting to have a clean slate, but now I'm looking at all of these other blogs and know that I can really make it my own if I put some work into it. However, I'm still using this old, crummy laptop since mine has been messed up and Andy has to take mine to Best Buy to get shipped off and returned. So...until that happens, you will have to deal with this - pretty boring - blog. I'm sure the few of you that read this don't mind :)

Em is still growing like a weed. She is a beautiful addition to my little family! I hope that I will continue to be this thankful for her every day, and I hope that you are thankful for the blessings in your life as well.



Psalms 139:14
"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

When the Going Gets Tough...

...the tough slurps down some caffeine!

I have never really been the type to need caffeine, and it may be all in my head that I need it now. Life has been so busy still and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon! I can't believe I haven't blogged in over 2 weeks. I try to use my free time to clean or rest, and there's really not a whole lot of free time right now with work and a little one to entertain! Since Andy is pretty busy with work and school right now, I pretty much have to care for Emory for most of the night. Andy usually does make dinner to help me out and I'll try to wait until she is napping to take a shower.

I realized about two weeks ago that my lack of sleep - or inconsistent sleep - was leading to have nightmares again. When I was in college I started having really bad nightmares. They had started up again recently and were very scary and really were bothering me. My sister suggested that I go to bed earlier and try to get more consistent sleep if possible. Since Andy stays up later than I do, he started shutting our door and taking the monitor in case Em woke up until it was time for him to go to bed so I wouldn't wake up if she stirred. I can't explain how helpful it has been! Em has also started sleeping longer stretches throughout the night. Last night...dare I say it?...she only woke up once!

We are, however, both battling a cold right now and it's so awful not to be able to give her anything. Tonight she has been coughing so hard she has been sort of throwing up - sort of spitting up. I'm hoping this is a good sign that all of the mucous is starting to loosen up and maybe she will feel better soon!

On to other issues...

I have really been trying to do some soul searching lately. Andy and I have recently talked about how we really need to study our Bibles more like we did when we first started dating. When we were dating, we did nightly Bible studies and even went through a pre-marital Bible study together, which was great. Life gets in the way and lately things have been so crazy that my Bible studies have sort of fallen by the wayside. Last night I started the daily readings again and I hope to start a study on Lamentations soon.

I picked Lamentations because 1) I saw the book in my mom's bookcase and was interested, and 2) because it seems like as we get older, we have a lot of trials and hard times that we encounter. Lamentations is a book of relentless mourning, but there is immense beauty in the lessons you can learn from the book. I have studied it before in passing, but am hoping that this study will refreshen my reliance on God and my empathy for others.

It seems like everytime I get on Facebook now someone is asking for prayers. Which makes me wonder...when you say you are praying for someone, do you really? Do you really pray that very minute? If so, do you quickly say the prayer and then forget about it and don't pray again? Do you pray constantly throughout the day for those that are in need of it or just once a day? Do you even really pray like you say you do, or is that just to make yourself and the person needing prayers feel better?

I only ask because I have been guilty of this before and am trying to do much better at it. I also find it hard sometimes to talk to God - that is something that I am working on constantly. I find it important to be respectful without being redundant and superficial - God knows what we need and want. I try to put emphasis in my prayer that I only want what God has planned for me - therefore, if it's not in His will to answer one of my desires, I will accept that.

One thing I never fail to do in my prayers is thank the Lord for my beautiful, healthy daughter...a real reminder of the miracles of this life.

Psalms 118:29

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good; for his mercy endureth forever."

I Never Imagined...

...That life would get this unbelievably busy as soon as you have a newborn. I have been meaning to blog for days now and everytime I sit down something happens and I never seem to find my way back to blogging.


Life has been a whirlwind. I went back to work last Monday, which has been both a blessing and ... well, I wouldn't say curse, but you know. It was nice to be back to work and on a schedule, it was really nice to have adult contact during the day, but most of all it was nice to feel like I actually have a purpose again instead of just being "Mommy." Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being a mother and I love my little girl, but I was beginning to lose my mind staying home all day and evening with little activity except flipping the television channels!


I am trying to adjust to not being able to soothe my OCD side. The laundry piles up, there are things that need to be put away, I need to dust and vacuum...and I just can't seem to get it all done. It wasn't too bad before, but now that I've gone back to work it's been very hard to find the time and energy in the evenings to do it all. Of course, this past weekend I also got hit with my 3rd...yes, 3rd...case of mastitis. I know that it is most likely due to being run down and tired, but honestly, what mom isn't run down and tired!? Especially when you work full time?!


I am feeling better secondary to antibiotics now, but I am definitely going to need to focus on my health and wellness and just let the rest go. That means even more loads of laundry left to do and even more unchecked items on the to-do list. But, all of that can wait if it means that Emory and I are healthy!


Andy has been very busy lately as well. He is now working two different jobs, is still in his MBA program, and started ANOTHER class tonight at UALR. Yes, he is insane. He's attempting to finish his Accounting degree on top of getting his MBA, which is smart, but very taxing as well. He is a very dedicated husband and father and for that, we are very thankful!


On to other news...Emory is 8 weeks tomorrow. I just can't believe how much she is changing. She is so much more alert now. She loves to smile at people when they are talking to her. She loves to look at bright colors and her spotted stuffed dalmation. She loves to coo and make gurgle noises and can hold her head up very well, although after a few seconds it sometimes will crash to the side! She makes very funny and sweet noises, is very warm and cuddly, and sleeps...okay...at night. She still eats every 2-3 hours. She HATES bathtime right now but loves to lay on her changing table and look around. She also loves to sleep in the soft bag thing at work! She loves to have her picture taken because she loves the flash. She also loves to walk around so she can look at everything.

Next Thursday is our well-child checkup, but Friday I had to take Emory in to have her bellybutton carterized. She had a granuloma form inside that needed to be fixed. Dr. Holmes looked her over real well also and said she looks just like a baby doll. She is now almost 12 pounds! We are so thankful for a healthy baby!!


I will leave you now with a few pictures from Emory's first Christmas. We were so blessed to be able to spend time with family, even though it flooded everywhere and even though we were so tired after going from house to house! In just a few short months we will be doing it again, except with a 1 year old. I know it will fly by so I'm trying to hang on to every sweet moment until then!

This picture should have been last - Emory exhaused after all of the activities, all swaddled up and ready for bed!

Emory in the Christmas dress that Grandma (Terry) got her.

Emory looking around as her Gran holds her!


Emory sleeping in MaMaw's arms, wearing the other Christmas dress that Gran (my mom) got her!

Psalms 95:3

"For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods."

The Greatest Blessings of All...

...are those that you never fathomed...like 3 a.m. feedings, turning over at 7 a.m. to a wide awake 4 week old, sitting on the couch for hours with her on my chest sleeping, her unexpected smiles and giggles that most likely don't mean anything at this age but we can still imagine they do.

These are moments that I thank God for every day. I have to admit that the first couple weeks of being a mother were difficult and I often found myself wondering if I could do this. I found myself thinking, "in just a few months it will get easier..." and then I would catch myself and think..."soak up every minute!! You'll never get these back!!" And so as each day passes I find myself falling more in love with this little blessing from God - another child for His kingdom.

Last night I put Emory in her little bed after a feeding and as I lay back down I couldn't help but thank God for her. Even though I lose much more sleep than I ever did before and even though I don't have the freedom that I once did and yes, even though this control freak has had to give up all control to this little one, I still thank God every day for her. There are some difficult times when I'm tired, or cranky, or Andy is tired or cranky, or I feel like I'm suffocating in this house and just want to go shopping all day like I used to...but the blessings majorly outweigh those difficult times to the point that they just...fade away.

Emory is 4 weeks now and changing so much every day! Last Thursday we went to see the lactation nurse/nurse practitioner at our pediatrician's office. She wanted to weigh Emory and then watch a feeding to make sure everything is going okay and then weigh her again. Emory weighed 9 pounds!! We were so excited to see that she had gained. The feeding went great and Nancy (the nurse) said that she was "a piglet!" She said everything was looking good and then when we weighed her after the feeding, we discovered that she had eaten 3 ounces! Nancy was very impressed and said that is just great for her age!

Emory and I had a pretty uneventful Friday night. Andy left on Friday morning for Fayetteville for his last class of the semester so my mom came Friday night to stay with us. She left pretty early Saturday morning so Em and I just laid around all Saturday until Andy came home around 4. Since it was Andy's 30th birthday (!!) we ordered Copeland's and ate a birthday dinner here, together, since we didn't want to take Emory out in the cold weather. The food was great!

Sunday night my parents had a get together at their house for Andy's birthday. They ordered barbeque and Andy's mom picked up his favorite ice cream cake from TCBY. It was Emory's first time meeting her great-grandpa (my grandpa) "Pop"!! He just loved her, of course!

Emory and her Pop meeting for the first time!

Emory and her Nana and Pop

We had a great time celebrating Andy's birthday!! Tuesday morning (Emory's 4 week birthday!!) we got up to finish our newborn pictures with Ashley. They turned out so beautiful and we are so happy! I will post two since there are so many that I love!!

Both pictures taken by Ashley Sheesley - AS Photography (ashleysphotography.ifp3.com).

Have a great weekend!

I Chronicles 29:13

"Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name."