Refuge

The past few days have been difficult, though I am not, by any means, the one that has is bearing the weight of the situation. A couple of days ago I posted a congratulations to a good friend of mine who gave birth to twin boys on Monday. I know she was so extatic to see her little boys and although there was some uncertainty regarding baby Eli, as he was found to have Spina Bifida, I don't think anyone was prepared for God's decision regarding this little one. Eli was found to have more problems than they had thought, including a brain that did not fully develop, and my friend and her husband were faced with the decision to take Eli off of life support as he would have no quality of life.

Yesterday they took Eli off of life support and this morning he passed away. It is so unfair and hard to grasp that this little one, who is only 4 days old, has now left this life. It's hard to offer comforting words when you can't even comfort yourself and you know the pain is much worse for those experiencing it. It's hard for me to find the right words to say to my family and friends that have asked how my friend is that was having twins, since I talk about her often in reference to my own pregnancy.

I spent a lot of time thinking Wednesday night about the decision that they had to make and how in one of her latest blogs, my friend expressed her fear of giving birth this first week of August, as 21 years ago her father passed away during this week, and one year ago she lost her second child through a miscarriage this week. My thoughts also raced back to the recent blog that said that my dear friend and her husband were donating Eli's organs in hopes that another struggling baby would survive. This got me thinking about the plans that God has that are clearly nothing that we have for ourselves. It made me think about how God gives us so much and He also takes away. It made me think of the circle of life, of her father dying 21 years ago as well as her second miscarriage, and now she has lost her third child. But, I also thought, in wonder, about the twin that is surviving. I thought about how he will never know his brother that he shared a tiny space with for 9 months and how he will only be a story that is told when he gets older. I thought about how he is truly a miracle.

It is hard to think about for anyone, but I think the fact that I am now approaching 7 months of pregnancy in the next few weeks, it has hit even harder than ever. I can't imagine saying good-bye when you have hardly gotten to say hello. She will go home and be faced with the overwhelming fact that what was once a nursery decorated for two will now only be for one. She will be faced with reminders that he is not there.

I can only pray that she will also be faced with reminders that his short life changed her and her family and that she is blessed with the miracle of another child, a twin that survived, along with the memory of Eli. I can only hope that with time she will know that she made the right decision during this bitter sweet first week of August. I can only imagine how strong the past two years have made her, and how God is working in her life. I hope and pray that this is only a strengthener of her faith and that she will understand that God will continue to be her rock and refuge during this time.

I feel like I have so much to say, but no way to say it...so I will just sign off and ask that everyone keep this family in your thoughts. Keep in mind how blessed we are...how it can so easily be taken away...and take the time to be thankful and tell those that you love how you feel.

Psalm 18:2
"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the hornof my salvation, my stronghold."