So everything about life has been exhausting lately.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life and the last thing I want to do is give the impression that I'm a disgruntled individual. I love everything about my husband, some things about my job, and I really love the weekends. Lately, though, work has got me stressed out, and adding class onto that has been equally compromising. I start my second block of classes on Thursday and I'm feeling pretty good about it, except for the mere fact that this block will be introducing me to Accounting Theory & Practice. I have never taken an accounting class in my life, so I am pretty scared at this point. I have been taking a "primer" course to prep me since I never had accounting, and I finally got stuck Thursday night on the tests I have to pass in order to start the class. I'll have to have Andy help me in order to finish, which has got me slightly frazzled.
This week marks two weeks until the election, and I can't express my overwhelming gratitude at how little time that is. I'm SO tired of the election. Not to mention that I'm tired of hearing about why this person should get it, this person shouldn't, what's going to happen to the nation, and most of all that Obama is some sort of satanic prophet.
Really?
Now, you'll have to forgive me. I don't mean to sound insensitive. I don't vote; it is against what I believe, but what I do know is that there is one leading this country that WILL make the right decisions: GOD. And so therefore, we really shouldn't question what happens in the election because, ultimately, God is leading the situation. What makes me the most frustrated is that people actually get ANGRY about one candidate or another. I'm sorry, but this is completely not conducive to a "Christian" lifstyle, in which God says to not worry about tomorrow.
I feel that most of the anger that arises because of Obama is inevitably, though you may not want to admit this, because he is black. Please, lets just face the fact. I'm sure there are some that truly don't like his policies, but overall, people are scared, intimidated, and just downright prejudiced towards someone like him.
What is scary about this? Imagine a time when we get a new ruler, but he happens to be a Jew. His policies are strict, his rules set in stone. He leads by a dictatorship, not a democracy. We follow a set of beliefs that he leads. Much of how we have lived our lives vanishes, and a new order is in place. Does this make you angry just thinking about it? Then you are angry at Christ, who will lead in this same theory.
I don't intend to offend anyone, just really wish people would 1) think about what they say before they say it, 2) look around and ask themselves "will this offend anyone?" before they start a conversation, and 3) really think about how ignorance is contagious in this country. That is all I really ask. As for the election, I will be anxious to see the next leader of our country, though I am at perfect peace knowing that whoever it will be is the one God chooses, and if the leader is one who leads our country in a spiral downshift, then so be it, that is what we are meant to head for. Quite truthfully, there is no more peace than knowing that God is leading us everyday and will continue to do so, whether by an older, ex-POW or a new-age biracial popular Democrat.
Daniel 7:13-14
"I saw in the night visions, and behold, with the clouds of heaven t here came on like a son of man, and he came to the Ancient of Days and was presented before him. And to him was given dominion and glory and kingdom, that all peoples, nations, and languages should serve him; his dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his kingdom one that shall not be destroyed."
10.19.2008
10.11.2008
Turn the Other Cheek
In continuance of my last post. No, He never said it would be easy.
I got a full fledge reaction tonight; one that expressed her anger towards me as she called me selfish, childish, immature, shallow, and everything in between the lines that suggested she never wanted to talk to me again. Of course, I know that these things aren't true. I have never in my life been called any of these characteristics by anyone who has known me (well, except my mom calling me selfish a few times, but that doesn't count) for any period of time. But, I know that this is her anger speaking, and probably some hurt feelings also.
It still doesn't make it easy to hear from someone who you never really meant to hurt. But she is not used to people being up front with her, and so her reaction makes sense to me. Remember the mantra "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" As a child, we sang these tunes, knowing even at that age that they weren't true. But also as a child, what we didn't understand is the commandment of Christ to "turn the other cheek." How many times did Christ bear the burdan of awful words being spat at him? Of people yelling at him, cursing him, abusing him, and in the end, sacrificing him, all the while mocking his existence? On Sundays when we take Memorials I think about this life compared to Christ's. How easy we have it compared to him. Christ was treated harsher than we could ever imagine, and all because he was truly trying to show the people their wrongdoings.
But we, as humans, never like to hear about our wrongdoings. We don't like honesty if it means we are the person on the other end of the exchange. We don't like to be called out on something. And so we get angry, just as the people in Christ's day got angry with him. We don't hear what we want to hear and so we try to use every angry word we can to make up for the hurt that we feel inside.
But Christ didn't do this. The things he endured were so much more than a few hurtful words from an angry friend, and he still was able to weather the storm without once being anything but understanding. And what did he say at the end? After other's anger had brought him to his death? "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." Instead of taking himself off the stake, putting the people to death that were mocking them, creating mass havok around them that could have showed them all who he really was, he just kept his peace, and prayed for God to forgive them.
This is the most powerful lesson of them all to me...because life is just that, a lot of hurt, anger, and regret. Of course, there are the wonderful moments stitched in between. But there will always be times when the sinful part of life weaves its way in. The unexpected thorn as you prepare a vase full of beautiful roses. But it is quite obvious that the only way to master this thorn, to truly try to be as Christ, is to "turn the other cheek," even when all we want to do is throw our own words in the mix, to make the person feel as hurt as they tried to make you feel, to show how angry you are in return.
But again, for the third time this weekend...He never said it would be easy. And so, with that, the end of what I questioned was a true friendship anyway. I didn't write her back; I pray that eventually God will work His way into her heart and she will find forgiveness. For me, the situation is over. I can only continue to pray about it and to put it behind me--just another thorn stick in the rose garden of life.
Matthew 5:39
"But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also."
I got a full fledge reaction tonight; one that expressed her anger towards me as she called me selfish, childish, immature, shallow, and everything in between the lines that suggested she never wanted to talk to me again. Of course, I know that these things aren't true. I have never in my life been called any of these characteristics by anyone who has known me (well, except my mom calling me selfish a few times, but that doesn't count) for any period of time. But, I know that this is her anger speaking, and probably some hurt feelings also.
It still doesn't make it easy to hear from someone who you never really meant to hurt. But she is not used to people being up front with her, and so her reaction makes sense to me. Remember the mantra "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" As a child, we sang these tunes, knowing even at that age that they weren't true. But also as a child, what we didn't understand is the commandment of Christ to "turn the other cheek." How many times did Christ bear the burdan of awful words being spat at him? Of people yelling at him, cursing him, abusing him, and in the end, sacrificing him, all the while mocking his existence? On Sundays when we take Memorials I think about this life compared to Christ's. How easy we have it compared to him. Christ was treated harsher than we could ever imagine, and all because he was truly trying to show the people their wrongdoings.
But we, as humans, never like to hear about our wrongdoings. We don't like honesty if it means we are the person on the other end of the exchange. We don't like to be called out on something. And so we get angry, just as the people in Christ's day got angry with him. We don't hear what we want to hear and so we try to use every angry word we can to make up for the hurt that we feel inside.
But Christ didn't do this. The things he endured were so much more than a few hurtful words from an angry friend, and he still was able to weather the storm without once being anything but understanding. And what did he say at the end? After other's anger had brought him to his death? "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." Instead of taking himself off the stake, putting the people to death that were mocking them, creating mass havok around them that could have showed them all who he really was, he just kept his peace, and prayed for God to forgive them.
This is the most powerful lesson of them all to me...because life is just that, a lot of hurt, anger, and regret. Of course, there are the wonderful moments stitched in between. But there will always be times when the sinful part of life weaves its way in. The unexpected thorn as you prepare a vase full of beautiful roses. But it is quite obvious that the only way to master this thorn, to truly try to be as Christ, is to "turn the other cheek," even when all we want to do is throw our own words in the mix, to make the person feel as hurt as they tried to make you feel, to show how angry you are in return.
But again, for the third time this weekend...He never said it would be easy. And so, with that, the end of what I questioned was a true friendship anyway. I didn't write her back; I pray that eventually God will work His way into her heart and she will find forgiveness. For me, the situation is over. I can only continue to pray about it and to put it behind me--just another thorn stick in the rose garden of life.
Matthew 5:39
"But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also."
10.10.2008
When God closes a door, He opens a window.
I'm pretty sure today I lost a friend.
After constant prayer and deep conversations with my sister and husband, I made a very hard decision to be honest with someone that I have been friends with for awhile. I have prayed and really thought about this decision to be honest for a long time, and I saw an opening and took it. She didn't take it very well, which I understand.
I've never been the type to tell people how I really feel. I usually hold things in until I can find a way to vent them out. I know that I've held onto something for too long whenever I start having dreams that I'm screaming at the person that I'm upset with. I have had those dreams about different people throughout my life, and it is all because that is how I really feel but never acted on it. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of dreams that leave me sweating and breathless. I'm tired of not being honest and hiding my real feelings. I'm tired of letting the hurt from the past haunt me and faking a friendship.
The crazy thing is, I honestly care about this person. I wish nothing but the best for her and I hope she finds everything that will make her happy in life. We are just so different now. Can you really be REAL friends with someone if you have totally conflicting views on everything about life? Through my recent walk towards following God's true teachings, I have really evaluated my friends on if they were the type of people that share the same goal as I do. Would I call them when I had a problem? Would they understand if I was upset? Do they know what I have been going through the past few months? Do they know I've had two recent surgeries? The answer to all of these questions today was no. And no, she didn't understand that I was upset. She was equally upset back at me for my honesty. I don't blame her on this; she is going through a stressful time right now and needs close friends surrounding her. I just don't feel like that person is me.
Having said all that, I realized yesterday when Andy was holding me, trying to comfort me from overwhelming feelings of sadness, doubt, confusion, and anger, that friends are so hard to come by. Friends that honestly care about you and understand your feelings. Friends that actually are upset when you're upset and friends that you can call and say "please pray for me" or even "please pray for my aunt/uncle/grandmother/whatever right now" and they will say, "of course, I will be thinking of you." Friends that actually remember what you are going through and ask you about it. Friends that want to share your joy without taking from it or share your sadness without running. Those are the relationships I crave and that are so hard to find.
I used to think that once you were married and settled down, that things got easier. Relationships are pretty much set, you get a job, everything settles down. No more drama, no more hard issues to deal with. This is so not true. The only difference is that I have one constant, my husband, that I can run to for shelter, who will love me no matter the decision I make. But decisions as an adult are hard. Especially once you truly want to follow Christ's example and try to be a better person. But I guess God never guaranteed that life would be easy. It's the trials and tribuluations that mold us into the character that He wants us to be. It's the true struggle that shows God that we are really trying and that during the worst valleys of life, we are still trying to do what we think God wants us to do. This decision was one of those--a decision to make myself better and follow the person God wants me to be. I can only hope that in time she will understand the reasons behind my feelings--but until then, I can only pray for God to keep directing my walk on this bumpy, scary, sweet path.
John 16:33
"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
After constant prayer and deep conversations with my sister and husband, I made a very hard decision to be honest with someone that I have been friends with for awhile. I have prayed and really thought about this decision to be honest for a long time, and I saw an opening and took it. She didn't take it very well, which I understand.
I've never been the type to tell people how I really feel. I usually hold things in until I can find a way to vent them out. I know that I've held onto something for too long whenever I start having dreams that I'm screaming at the person that I'm upset with. I have had those dreams about different people throughout my life, and it is all because that is how I really feel but never acted on it. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of dreams that leave me sweating and breathless. I'm tired of not being honest and hiding my real feelings. I'm tired of letting the hurt from the past haunt me and faking a friendship.
The crazy thing is, I honestly care about this person. I wish nothing but the best for her and I hope she finds everything that will make her happy in life. We are just so different now. Can you really be REAL friends with someone if you have totally conflicting views on everything about life? Through my recent walk towards following God's true teachings, I have really evaluated my friends on if they were the type of people that share the same goal as I do. Would I call them when I had a problem? Would they understand if I was upset? Do they know what I have been going through the past few months? Do they know I've had two recent surgeries? The answer to all of these questions today was no. And no, she didn't understand that I was upset. She was equally upset back at me for my honesty. I don't blame her on this; she is going through a stressful time right now and needs close friends surrounding her. I just don't feel like that person is me.
Having said all that, I realized yesterday when Andy was holding me, trying to comfort me from overwhelming feelings of sadness, doubt, confusion, and anger, that friends are so hard to come by. Friends that honestly care about you and understand your feelings. Friends that actually are upset when you're upset and friends that you can call and say "please pray for me" or even "please pray for my aunt/uncle/grandmother/whatever right now" and they will say, "of course, I will be thinking of you." Friends that actually remember what you are going through and ask you about it. Friends that want to share your joy without taking from it or share your sadness without running. Those are the relationships I crave and that are so hard to find.
I used to think that once you were married and settled down, that things got easier. Relationships are pretty much set, you get a job, everything settles down. No more drama, no more hard issues to deal with. This is so not true. The only difference is that I have one constant, my husband, that I can run to for shelter, who will love me no matter the decision I make. But decisions as an adult are hard. Especially once you truly want to follow Christ's example and try to be a better person. But I guess God never guaranteed that life would be easy. It's the trials and tribuluations that mold us into the character that He wants us to be. It's the true struggle that shows God that we are really trying and that during the worst valleys of life, we are still trying to do what we think God wants us to do. This decision was one of those--a decision to make myself better and follow the person God wants me to be. I can only hope that in time she will understand the reasons behind my feelings--but until then, I can only pray for God to keep directing my walk on this bumpy, scary, sweet path.
John 16:33
"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
10.01.2008
Family <3
Here are some recent family pictures. I just love Ashley's photography!
And here are Jude's 7 month pictures. All of these were taken by Ashley, a very good friend who has her own photography business. She is so good at getting those shots that you can never get in time! Check her out at http://www.ashleysphotography.ifp3.com/.
Enjoy! :)
Enjoy! :)
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