Sugar & Strawberries

Moving!

2011-01-27T20:44:00.002-06:00

Dear friends -

That's right! I have moved! Please follow me at mommy911blog.blogspot.com.

Hope to see you there :)

Happy Holidays!

2010-12-18T18:23:00.000-06:00

1 Year Celebration!!

2010-11-26T20:36:00.000-06:00

YES, I am finally posting! I know I haven't posted in...say...forever. Truth is, I started changing things around on my blog and next thing I knew I couldn't see it anymore when I tried to view it. I was so frustrated that I just kind of gave up on it for awhile. I have also been battling with the decision of shutting down this blog or keeping it going. I kept thinking of shutting it down because sometimes it freaks me out thinking of posting my baby girl's pictures on a public blog, but then I started thinking of how much I am going to forget and how I SHOULD use this blog to write down things to remember!!

So, here goes.

My baby is ONE YEAR OLD! (November 17th that is)

For your ONE year birthday party, we had a small party at our house. You came down with hand-foot-mouth disease (I hate how it's called disease because it sounds so awful, but whatever) a few days before your party so I had to call and un-invite all of the guests that had kiddos. It was a pretty small event because of that, but you really had no idea. You wore a pair of hot pink Rufflebutt bloomers and leggings that your Aunt Brenna bought you and a customized onesie. Of course I tried to put a bow in your hair but you hate anything on your head at this point and ripped it right out!

You had a lot of fun at your party but you were very tired after. Your smash cake was hot pink and you had hot pink icing stained on your skin for a couple of days!

So here are a few stats!

At one year you are wearing size 12-18 month clothes and wear a size 3 shoe. You have TONS of clothes.

You are a great eater and love avocado, peas, beans, and any kind of pasta.

You LOVE to drink water and usually only drink either whole milk or water - though you still nurse about twice a day (morning and night).

You think everything is funny and giggle - which is the sweetest sound!

You are taking baby steps that your daddy and I call "Frankenstein" steps, but you don't have the confidence in yourself to just take off yet. You can do it but just get too apprehensive and decide you'd rather crawl!

You are a HAM! and love attention of all kinds!

You have two bottom teeth and the two top teeth are FINALLY breaking through which has been a nightmare this past week!

You love to get into e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. Your favorite things are trying to get into the dog's water and food bowl and our gas fireplace although I have learned that if I ignore you instead of get on to you when you crawl over there and look at me that you leave it alone. You are really just getting in that fireplace to get a reaction from me!

*Knock on wood* you have slept 10-12 hours a night for the past 2-3 weeks!

However, you are still a terrible napper (for me) and fight me most days when it's nap time.

You love Mickey Mouse - still!

You give the BEST hugs in the morning when you just wake up!

and I love walking in your bedroom in the mornings because you are always standing there, holding the crib railing, jumping up and down on the mattress! You sure do LOVE to jump!

You love to be swung around by your daddy!

(And now blogger won't upload any more pictures so I can't post any more...grrrr...)

You have learned how to push your push car around and think it is so funny!

You love to point at things and babble constantly. You are really telling us things!

You have learned the "O" sound and have said "Open" once, although it was a loud "O" and then a "pen" whispered!

You love any other kid and think the dogs are SO funny.

However, you hate being told NO and any form of discipline!

You don't like to be confined to a space.

You don't like being put down when you are wanting to be held.

Most of the time you squirm and flip on your changing table so much that I have learned how to put a diaper on you while you are standing/jumping!!

You hate naptime - as previously mentioned.

Emory, you are the love of our lives! I cannot express what you mean to us and I can't wait to watch you grow and learn! Happy birthday baby girl!

Wooooo Pig!

2010-10-11T19:19:00.000-05:00

So it's been awhile since I've updated - I mean REALLY updated. I wanted to update when Emory hit the 10 month mark but for some reason I never posted the update! Now she is just 6 days away from being 11 months old! I have already started her birthday party planning. I just got her invitations in today and I LOVE them! I got them from Polka Dot Design. I have ordered from them before and I have always had a great experience with them. In a perfect world I would make the invitations on the Cricut, but I just don't want to stress myself out anymore than I am right now!

Andy has been very busy with school and his new job at Merrill Lynch and I have been so busy with work, this BUSY 10 month old, and trying to get ready for her party and maintain a somewhat-clean household! What a job being a mommy is!

This weekend was the Arkansas vs. A&M game. We didn't play great but we did pull a win! Saturday morning I was getting ready to take Emory to go to lunch with my mom, nephews, sister, and grandma. Andy came in and asked if Emory could wear her Razorbacks cheerleader outfit that he bought for her when he went up to Fayetteville last month for class. I must say she was one sweet cheerleader!

We spent the evening at home after the game was over and Sunday had an eventful day! We went to Sunday school then to visit some friends while they were in town, then to Playtime Pizza for Andy's dad's and sister's birthday party. Yes, Playtime Pizza! We had no kids with us but we had a lot of fun! Emory was exhausted when we got home and fell right to sleep!

Andy snapped a few pictures of her the other night in bed. I thought this was so sweet. She sleeps just like me - except for the booty-in-the-air part!

Hopefully I'll have an 11 month picture next Sunday to do a monthly update! Hope everyone has a great week!

Wordless Wednesday - Practice Makes Perfect

2010-09-29T19:40:00.002-05:00

Wordless Wednesday - Seems So Innocent

2010-09-08T19:53:00.002-05:00

His Plans

2010-08-24T19:31:00.005-05:00

So I haven't had much to blog about this past week. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, to be quite honest. I don't know why I feel this way or what has necessarily changed to make me feel this way, I just do. I think it's the combination of things that have been happening to my friends and loved ones, constant prayer that has been needed, a house that never seems to get clean because I'm too tired, a baby waking up frequently and who is into EVERYTHING, covering in the kitchen at work because we haven't had a cook, my workload piling up because I've been without a computer, etc.

I shouldn't complain. I am so blessed. I know it everytime I look into Emory's blue-gray eyes. I feel it when Andy does sweet things for me, like surprising me with a spa mani/pedi for me AND a friend because I "deserve it". I see it when I look around and see this messy house - because I have enough belongings to make it messy in the first place.

I try to remind myself of these things but it does get awful tiring at times.

I told Andy today that I don't think I could possibly be a mother of 3 children and work full time. Seriously, hats off to working mothers!

I'd like to share a fabulous story with y'all because I just can't get my dear friend Jodie out of my mind and off of my heart. If you've read my blog for awhile, you know her story. Jodie and I were pregnant at (sort of) the same time. She had a lot of trouble getting pregnant and after fertility treatments, finally found out that she was pregnant. With TWINS! Jodie found out at 20 weeks that Baby A had Spina Bifida. Although they were hopeful that he would not be severe, they took on the challenge with grace and knowing that this was God's plan for them.

At birth, Eli had a lot of problems and after only 5 days, Jodie and her husband decided to take him off life support. That was one year ago. On August 8th, Jodie, Jesse, and Walker (Eli's twin), mourned the loss of Eli.

That is also the day they found out that they were pregnant.

Read her story here.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Nine Month Ninny!

2010-08-18T17:31:00.004-05:00

Emory is 9 months old!

I have been trying to post but thought I'd save everything for one big 9 month update. This past week has been full of CHANGE!! And how fun/exciting/annoying the changes have been! :) Emory has made a full recovery from getting tubes last week. She has been such a happy baby still and is doing great. She babbles all the time. Friday I was at work and Emory was at my sister's house spending the day. Brenna (my sister) texted me and said "this baby is going to crawl very soon." Shortly after I got a video text of Emory crawling to pick up a toy! That night when we got home from dinner Andy and I put her on the floor and she took off. She is still a bit slow but getting the hang of it more and more each day.

Saturday morning I woke up and could hear her jabbering in her room. I walked into her room to a happy baby standing up in her crib holding onto the rail. I was so shocked to see her standing there! Since then I find her that way each time she wakes up from sleep! She also has been pulling up on the couch, ottoman, her walker, me, ANYTHING she can get her grip on to help her!

Sunday we went to Sunday school and Bible class and then came home. I got to take a nice nap and we went out to my parent's house to see my Grandma Payne and Aunt Sherry, who were in town briefly. We had a good dinner. On the way home Emory started to get fussy so I stuck my hand in the backseat so she could hold my fingers. Of course she started chewing on them, and after just a couple of seconds I looked at Andy and said "if that's not a tooth, I don't know what is!" We have been waiting...and waiting...and waiting for Emory's first tooth to come in and it has arrived!

So we had a very exciting weekend. We were so excited to see her start crawling and pulling up, but we didn't realize everything that came along with that! Now Andy and I are constantly having to get up and go get her and bring her back on the rug. She loves to chew on things and get into things she shouldn't get into. But I guess that's all to be expected and I am just so happy that she is a happy and healthy baby!

This morning was her 9 month appointment. She was 20#9.4 oz (75-90th %ile) and 29" long (90th %ile)! I had no idea she was that long!

Emory, you are the light of our lives! I love watching you grow and change and I don't know how I can possibly love anything or anyone more than I love YOU!

Dishing It!

2010-08-11T19:50:00.008-05:00

Amanda is having another Dishing It! party and I thought I would participate since I have been a slacker these past few times! This party is "Summer Rewind." Wow, is it ALREADY that time? It seems like yesterday I was walking into the hospital on a very COLD, November night, in labor...and now my baby girl is almost 9 months old!!

So here are a few of my Summer Rewinds...

I had two activities this summer that I participated in that were very memorable! The first was my best friend Stephanie's wedding. Steph and I become friends the first day of our freshman year of college when we met as we moved into our rooms in the dorm - that happened to be right across from each other! She has been my best friend ever since. I can't believe she is now an old married lady! Of course, she looked BEAUTIFUL! The wedding was awesome and I met some really great ladies that were in her bridal party. Unfortunately, I only have these pictures right now...hopefully will have more to come!

Steph and her bridal party! That's me on the very far left with the chicken legs!

Emory was all partied out! I wish I had a better picture of her outfit right now...it was made by my friend Tanya (FrouFrouBritches)!

The second activity that I participated in was for a very special cause. It wasn't a big activity, but I was so excited to be able to do a huge tee shirt fundraiser for a great cause, Team Eli. I have talked about my friend Jodie before on my blog, who lost one of her twin boys one year ago only 5 days after his birth. Eli's short life has inspired so many things (including the documentary Every.Life.Inspires) and people and has changed Jodie's life.

Here is a picture of the news segment on Project Eli.

Here is Emory in her Team Eli gear! Jodie made this precious outfit and bow for Emory so she could be a supporter also!

She is an awesome person and the money from the tee shirts that are now all over Central Arkansas is going towards a new memorial garden at the I Can! Dance center that is a haven for special needs people to be able to go and learn to dance. This is special to me since I work with special needs children but even more special because of my dear friend! (You can also check out Jodie's awesome boutique, The PiNk LlaMa Shop!).

The best new recipe that I tried was at Stephanie's bridal luncheon. Sadly, I don't have a picture of that either (I know, ugh!). The recipe was an easy salad but it was SO good! The ingredients are - mixed field greens, strawberries, craisins, feta cheese, and chinese noodles added just before serving along with Mueller's Homemade Poppyseed dressing. I have never had any of these in this combination but it was FANTASTIC! I am a sweet fanatic and it definitely had a great hint of sweet from the fruit in the salad!

The best book I read this summer was The Glass Castle. What a fabulous book. I didn't think I would really enjoy it but I kept reading and reading and each page I would just be more fascinated with the author and the story of her life. It is a true story and that makes it even crazier. It really opened my eyes to poverty that is all around us that most of us don't see. I really enjoyed it and hope that whoever reads it enjoys it also!

The coolest new blog I found this summer is by far Blacktating. I have been pretty open about the fact that I am a proud breastfeeding mama. It has been a huge part of my life these past few months and I am a very big supporter of breastfeeding. I have considered getting the needed hours to become a lactation consultant and have been encouraged by other Registered Dietitians that have taken this route also, but just haven't decided for sure if that is the road I want to take. Elita from Blacktating is a proud breastfeeding mom of color and an advocate for African American breastfeeding women. I follow her on Facebook and I LOVE her posts. She is always up-to-date on breastfeeding information and articles/controversies.

Last, but not least...I have so many things left on my summer to-do list that I can't even really list them! Andy and I have decided to start getting our house ready to get ready to sell...does that make any sense?! There are many things that we still want to do to get the house ready to put on the market. We bought this house new but know that many things are not going to be favorable to househunters (i.e. our yellow kitchen). I also have a very important FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY to start planning! It's ONLY three months away!

I hope everyone has a great night and I can't wait to read your Summer Rewinds!

Whew!

2010-08-10T20:02:00.004-05:00

Well, the surgery is over! Phew. It has been an eventful day. Like I said yesterday - I was more nervous about the pre-surgery part than the actual surgery ... and I was right on target. I was up with Emory for 2 hours from about 1:50-3:55. She was pretty upset and confused because she wanted to nurse but I wasn't able to feed her. I was finally able to get her back down and exhausted this morning when 6 a.m. rolled around.

Emory was SO happy before the surgery even though she wasn't able to eat when she woke up. She was just loving all of the attention that the nurses were giving her! The surgery was so fast. The worst part was her coming out of the anesthesia - she was pretty much inconsolable until we finally left the surgery center. As soon as we walked out the door she started to perk up and by the time we were home and she had her toys and Mickey on the t.v., she was SO much better.

The rest of the day went fabulous. She was SO happy all day long! Could it be the tubes making a difference already? The ENT doctor said that she had some fluid this morning still but no infection ... but she seems to always keep fluid, so maybe her pressure is already clearing up and making her feel better!

I snapped this picture with my phone today while she was eating because she was just being such a ham!

So now I'm on to another long day tomorrow. I am really ready for this week to be over already...I will be SO relieved when Friday is here. I hope everyone is having a great week...and here's to hoping we all get some rest tonight!

2010-08-09T20:13:00.003-05:00

So tomorrow Emory will be getting PE tubes in her ears. To tell you the truth, I'm not really nervous about the procedure. I'm more nervous that she can't have anything to eat or drink from midnight on, and she often wakes around 3-5 to nurse as well as when she wakes up around 7. I'm a bit nervous about what to expect when she is waking up from the procedure as well. Andy voiced today that he was really worried about the procedure. I think we're both ready to get it over with and hoping and praying that it will clear up the problems she has been having.

It's only Monday, but so far today I've had a lot of anxiety over this week. There are a couple of big events happening for us that we are nervous about and worried about. Well, tonight we decided we would go to the grocery store FINALLY. Andy got home and we loaded up Emory and headed to Wal-Mart. She was getting sleepy but was in a good mood. Close to the end of the trip, Andy took her out of the buggy to hold her because she was getting a little restless.

We were in the ice cream area and Andy and Emory were looking at ice cream for daddy when a woman pushed her buggy around the corner and I noticed her baby in the front. The baby looked small, but was sitting up like Emory. I was a little confused at first because the baby was bald and tiny like she was 8-9 months old, but seemed more alert like a 1-2 year old. I then heard the mom say "put on your mask" and noticed that the baby had a mask she was wearing around her neck. I realized then that this baby must have had some type of disease.

I tried not to stare and when I turned around they were gone. For some reason I get the feeling that the mom turned around on purpose after seeing us, but I could be wrong. We walked around the corner in the direction they had just walked in and I didn't see them anywhere.

But that brief moment made me realize that all of my fears were nothing compared to this woman and her baby and what they are going through. I don't even KNOW what they are going through really. All of my petty frustrations and fears from the day just sort of melted away as I watched Emory grab at things and smile and giggle.

I feel like this was a sign to me to realize what I have at this moment. I have Emory's health, Andy's health, my own health. I have a good job and a home to go to. I have a family - and all this can change in the blink of an eye. I realize that my anxiety is not always uncalled for and that I have a right to worry - but this made me really thank God for what He has given me thus far.

I will update on Emory's surgery soon. I just had to share this experience today.

Deut. 31:8

"It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

World Breastfeeding Week

2010-08-05T18:26:00.008-05:00

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I thought I'd write a post to talk about my story on this journey. This may or may not be interesting or helpful to you, but what I have found is that even if someone doesn't comment on your posts, sometimes they are a help and/or inspiration to others.

The decision to breastfeed...well, wasn't really a decision for me. I honestly never thought about an option. My sister breastfed both of her baby boys throughout their first year while working full time and pursuing her Masters degree in Nursing. To me, breastfeeding was NEVER "weird" or "gross" or "uncomfortable." It was natural. I had many friends look at me curiously when I told them that I was going to breastfeed for at least the first year of Emory's life, and then give their (sometimes not so inspiring) story of failure in that area.

Before I had Emory, my sister told me that breastfeeding was like marriage. If there is a doubt in your mind that it just may not work and that is okay, because if things get tough you have other options - then there's a pretty good chance that you won't make it. She told me that I needed support - which she and my husband would definitely give. She told me to go to a breastfeeding class and scanned items on the shelf at Babies R Us when we were registering as I sat there in the breastfeeding aisle with a deer-in-headlights look. She passed down all of her nursing bras and tanks. She was my breastfeeding crutch - meaning, I leaned on her before and during breastfeeding.

Many of you have read Emory's birth story so I won't go into great detail, but the first few weeks of breasfeeding were not easy for me. I was very engorged, became dehydrated, Emory was dehydrated, Emory wasn't pooping like she should have been in consequence of dehydration, her weight wasn't where it should have been, I had very irritated skin that cracked and bled (also in consequence of the beginnings of breastfeeding and dehydration). When Emory wasn't up to her birth weight at 2 weeks I called the Pediatrician's office and the nurse told me to give formula. I politely declined and told her I was going to try some compression techniques and see how it went.

Emory started gaining weight slowly and I visited with the lactation consultant at my Pediatrician's office who watched a feeding and gave some great encouragement. She asked what my goal was for breastfeeding and I told her a year, and she was so encouraging. The visit went great and I felt like we were finally on track.

A couple of weeks later I developed my first case of mastitis. I had no idea what it was. I just knew that I felt AWFUL and it HURT! I woke up all night long with flu-like symptoms like chills and the sweats. I felt like I could hardly move I was so achy and my right breast hurt so much. After realizing what it was and going on antibiotics it got better in a few days.

I had two more bouts of mastitis after that. Finally, when Emory was around 3 months old, things finally got easier. And at 6 months they got easier. And now, at almost 9 months, it's second nature. During this journey I have done a lot of research on breastfeeding. I joined an e-mail listserv of lactation consultants so I have gotten to read their own questions and discussions on different breastfeeing scenerios. My heart has been opened to different situations and while I may not necessarily make it to extended breastfeeding, I now have started to understand the thought behind it. My opinions have changed and formed regarding topics such as breastfeeding in public and I often find myself getting angry when breastfeeding is mimicked or sneered at. I try to be understanding when other women have difficult situations and cannot make it through - because I know if they really enjoyed it and had to stop, it most likely was a very emotionally trying experience for them.

Please don't get me wrong with this post. Breastfeeding was tough for me but for some it's a breeze. My sister never had problems. When I would ask her some questions she would say "I'm not really sure, because I always had so much milk..." UGH! However, some women do have problems, some much more severe than my own. But making it through those tough times when I just wanted to quit was the best thing I have ever done. I am proud of myself and the fact that I'm "still" breastfeeding. I am happy that my baby has gotten the best she could get. I have enjoyed those moments where it has just been me and her - usually in the middle of the night - when I was the one to provide nourishment and comfort to her in a way that no one else could.

And that is my breastfeeding story. If you are a breastfeeding mom, I'd love to hear your story, too...because I feel that this should be celebrated among women and encouraged as much as possible.

Time

2010-08-04T18:44:00.004-05:00

It has been a long time, my friends! Over a month to be exact. I'm going to have to get on the ball. When I got pregnant with Emory I thought this would be a great way to document her life for my own memories. Now I'm realizing how terrible I have been at keeping up with ANYTHING - her baby book, pictures, this blog. The truth is I'm trying so hard to hang on to every moment and spend my time with her and watch her grow as well as maintain a job and household that I just forget all of the other stuff!

However, things have been wonderful. Andy and I are both incredibly busy these days with work. We both work full days and come home to a crazy house. By the time Andy gets home I'm feeding Emory, then she gets her bath, plays for a few minutes, then goes to bed. The rest of the night is ours, which is really nice! It's not uncommon for us to fall asleep on the couch by 8:30, though! lol!

Emory is SO busy as well, in a different way! She is being stubborn when it comes to crawling but she is getting there. She will get on all fours and rock, but she prefers to STAND! She has been trying to pull herself up on everything! If you stand next to her she will grab your pants to pull herself up. If you try to set her down she will straighten her legs and just want to stand!

I have to tell you - with each month that passes I just fall more and more in love with her!

There is so much more going on that I could talk about but there's not enough hours in the day. Emory will be 9 months in just two weeks (!!) so I will update more on what she is doing at that time. I do want to say that we will be getting tubes on Tuesday the 10th. I am really hoping that this clears up her ear infections, fluid in her ears, and the congestion that she can't seem to get rid of. I will definitely update more on that later!

And I do promise I will get better at this blogging thing - for my own sake!

Deut. 5:10

"And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me and keep my commandments."

Moment of Silence for Cohen

2010-06-30T20:55:00.002-05:00

What: Moment of Silence for Cohen

When: Thursday, July 1st from midnight to 11:59 pm

How: Bloggers participating will pos the Cohen banner (below) or simply post Cohen's name in large letters on their blog.

Why: July 1st Megan and Brent will be holding Cohen's memorial service. The moment of silence is an opportunity for Megan's blog community to stand behind her and support her on this difficult day. Linking up will give Megan a chance to see the support at a glance.

Decorating Dilemma Solved!

2010-06-29T19:58:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I joined a Decorating Dilemma's party on Amanda's blog. I was very depressed about my shabby (NOT chic) living room furniture and arrangement. I just had to share with my friends our new arrangement. Yes, I realize that this is kind of a cop out. I didn't really fix anything in a DIY way because we just bought new furniture and a new rug, but I am still excited about it!

We got the furniture at Ashley's and the rug at a store in North Little Rock that I LOVE! There are SO many rugs to choose from and they are all super cheap!

Anyway - I am much happier with the arrangement. Emory has a giant area now to play around on (and hopefully learn to crawl/walk/hit all those milestones). It is so strange to be able to sit her on the floor and walk away, and look around the corner and see her sitting there like a little person, playing with her toys! What a blessing she is.

That's all for today - just wanted to quickly update. Worn out! Hope everyone has a wonderful week!

Phil. 4:13
"I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me."

Sizzlin' Summer

2010-06-19T21:29:00.006-05:00

(I started this post last week but my computer froze and erased it. So here we are again, hopefully it will work out this time!)

Man, is it HOT outside!

I don't know if it's the heat or the fact that Emory hasn't been sleeping well this past week that has literally exhausted me! I took my monthly work trip to Mt. Home this week and ever since then I have been really worn out. Emory is doing much better on the Milk of Magnesia regimen that we have started and I'd like to say thank you to all of my dear friends who have asked me how she is doing! The nurse from the GI clinic called to check on her the other day and help us take the next step in her daily regimen. Since then she has been doing pretty well!

Thursday my baby girl turned 7 months old! I cannot believe how fast time is flying by. I have really been slacking on the pictures lately, but I really plan on breaking out Andy's Canon and figuring it out so I can start taking pictures myself and not have to rely on him to take the good ones! Anyway - I was able to get this picture of her on her 7 month birthday!

Emory is 26 1/2 inches long (79th %ile) and 18#3 ounces (80th %ile). She is wearing 6-9 and 9 month clothes (and 12th month shorts because of her belly!) and is almost out of a size 1 shoe. I am still able to put excessive hairbows in her hair without her messing with them too much although sometimes she will pull them out and start waving them around or chewing on them. She sleeps okay at night. Some nights are better than others, but on many nights she will only wake up once to nurse and will fall back asleep. Those moments in the middle of the night when she is so sleepy is such a wonderful feeling for me.

Emory is doing so much now. She giggles SO much at everything and thinks so many things are funny. She loves to play on the floor with her toys and jump in her jumparoo while watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. She LOVES that show!

Emory also really enjoys bathtime now. Sometimes I have to sit back on the tub (within reach) and let her splash around so I don't get a bath along with her! She loves to look at herself in the mirror and chew on the toys in the water. She is chewing on everything now, but still no teeth. I can really see the whites under her gums but am just waiting patiently for them to poke through. I can't picture her with teeth right now!

She is really starting to have seperation anxiety from me right now. I know it's because I nurse her and am with her ALL of the time, but she has gotten to where if she can't see me she gets REALLY upset! Even when Andy is holding her! I know that this is a temporary thing and that in just a blink of an eye she will be telling me she wants to go with her daddy instead of me, so I am trying to soak it all up!

Sunday was Andy's first real Father's day. Friday after work I drove to Krispy Kreme and got an assortment of 12 doughnuts ("doughnuts for dad"). I also ordered a picture of Emory and him for his new desk (YES!) and cards from both of us as well as a tee shirt with Emory's feet and handprints on it. When we got home from dinner Friday night he walked in and was surprised to see the gifts. I thought he enjoyed the surprise!

We are so excited that Andy starts his new job on Friday as a financial advisor for Merrill Lynch. It is going to be a very stressful job working with investments but we are very excited for this next step in our life. We are hoping to be able to move in the next few months to be closer to family. The options are endless right now and I really am excited about what is to come.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Father's day and celebrated those very important men in our lives - especially the One up above.

Eph 6:4
"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

MoM

2010-06-15T20:42:00.002-05:00

It seems Milk of Magnesia is used so often in my life now that I have learned to abbreviate it! Yesterday Andy and I took Em to the GI doctor in Little Rock. We were there THREE hours! Yes, it was a long time, but the doctor spent 45 minutes talking to us. I'm willing to wait if it means we can have all of our questions answered.

There is still some speculation on Em's xray. It could possibly be something, but it could also be just the way the xray was taken. The doctor is going to take it to the radiologist at Children's to see if it is really anything we need to worry about. She really doesn't think so, though, and she really helped us feel better about what is going on. She believes that the change in Emory's diet to solid foods and her holding her poop in has made her constipation progressively worse. So we are starting a regimen of Milk of Magnesia - MUCH more than we were giving - to get her back on track and to help her "forget" that it used to hurt, so she doesn't feel the need to hold it in. She answered many of my questions and I felt great after the appointment.

I just wanted to put a quick update. I don't have much energy today because I drove 7 hours today and worked for 5, so I'm beat! But, I am very excited to report that I got NEW FURNITURE in my living room!! I'm so excited and hope to post a picture soon!

Thank you everyone for your prayers for my little girl!

Proverbs 18:24
"A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

Nervous Stomach

2010-06-10T18:47:00.003-05:00

Years ago when I was little I had a lot of tummy issues. My sister had these same problems. Mom said my dad would have to massage my tummy and I would just cry. We did numerous tests, stool samples, doctor visits, etc., and all they could come up with was that my sister and I both had a "nervous stomach." Whatever that means.

Emory has always had constipation issues. Even when I was just nursing with no solids, she had random bouts of constipation. In the past month this has really gotten bad. I discussed the issue with our Pediatrician at her 6 month visit and she said we would discuss it more at her 9 month visit if we couldn't get water or juice to help the problem.

Well, the problem has gotten worse. After seven days, a few small poopy diapers, and one evening of screaming and a bloody/poopy diaper, I finally took her in to see the doctor.

Let me just say I LOVE our Pediatrician. I don't know how on earth she has an ounce of time to herself because EVERYone I know sees her. She is very proactive, and this visit even reinforced that. We discussed her tummy issues and she ordered an xray on Em. After that was over she said that, although she doesn't really believe that this is the case, she wants us to go see the GI doctor because there is an area that could possibly be malrotation of her intestines. Of course, I was slightly freaking out. I left the office with her promising to call the GI clinic and set up the appointment.

She called me (personally) twice after that to talk about her appointment. I was so impressed with the fact that SHE called and not her nurse! And I was also impressed that she set me up an appointment just a few days later (Monday). She told me that the GI clinic that she was referring me to does not accept my insurance but will give us a 40% discount. You're probably thinking "why can't she go somewhere else?" Well, these guys are the best in the state. I feel this and I know that if my doctor referred us to them it's because she knows they are the best, too. Hopefully we will just have this visit and we can figure everything out. We may have to go do some tests at Arkansas Children's Hospital, but I'm really hoping that the GI doctor does not see anything to be concerned about.

Friends, this could be nothing. It could be just something that runs in our family that we will have to work on. . . but please pray for my baby girl, who is the world to me and my husband, who has shown me a love that I never thought was possible, who brightens the dreariest of days, who inspires me, and who I pray endlessly for and thank God for over and over every night.

Philippians 4:6-7
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Six Month Sweetie

2010-05-23T20:57:00.003-05:00

Wow - I have been a total blogging slacker, but things are so crazy around here. We have so much fun with our little one, who is now a big SIX months old! I can't believe she is already half a year old.

On Tuesday we went to the doctor. She was 17# 7.5 ounces (80th percentile) and 26 1/2 inches long (79th percentile). The doctor said she looked great! She even sat up and stood with some help for the doctor. Unfortunately, she also had her shots. They went pretty fast and before I knew it it was over and the nurse was saying "Okay, mama! You can open your eyes now!"

Her talking has really exploded this week. She has started saying "bababa" and "dada." I think she's going to expand that very soon. She has started eating a variety of baby foods though we have been battling extreme constipation that the doctor is a little concerned about. I'm hoping that once she gets used to the foods that will subside.

She can sit up now after I help her get situated. She is really so much more alert and aware of what is going on around her! She has such a big personality now and I just can't wait to see how much she continues to grow and change!

Today we went over to Ashley and Brian's and Ashley snapped some pictures of Emory while we were hanging out. She always gets the best pictures of her! Here is my sweet baby girl!

That is all for now - time is precious.

Psalms 39:7

"But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you."

Getting to Know You Thursday

2010-04-29T21:39:00.003-05:00

Tanya is having another Getting to Know You Thursday so I thought I'd post a few things about me.

First of all - Tanya, I believe we were twins in another life. Ha! I am very OCD. Actually, this has been something very hard for me to deal with since I've had Emory. I really struggle with letting go of all control. This is something that I have battled and prayed frequently about.

However, I still have some pretty specific crazy qualities! Here are a few of my OCD characteristics.

1) I cannot start something (for instance - a stack of nutrition evaluations at work) unless I can finish them that day. It drives me crazy to have things left undone.

2) I despise dishes in the sink. I absolutely have to have them loaded into the dishwasher (I mean - come on, people - it's just like 2 seconds more!). The ONLY time I leave dishes in the sink is if I'm just way too sick or tired to wash them!

3) I am a relentless list-maker. I make To-Do Lists constantly and at any given time may have 3 or 4 lists going. I also write things on the list that I have already done so I can mark them off (this is true).

4) I will re-write something 3 times (or more if needed) if it does not meet my neatness standards.

I could most likely write a million more things, but I'm exhausted and need sleep! I hope everyone has a great Friday!

Psalms 121:1-2 NIV

"I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD - the Maker of heaven and earth."

Decorating Dilemmas Party!

2010-04-21T16:06:00.004-05:00

Decorating Dilemma party?! YES, please! Thank you, Amanda, for hosting this. And thank you, Tanya, for posting your dilemmas, which are JUST like mine!

Okay, here are my dilemmas. I hope it's not overwhelming. And sorry the pictures are a little blurry. My dinky camera is just not like my husbands nice one, but I have no idea how to work his :)

#1 . . . My corner fireplace.

Because of our narrow living room, there is NO where to put the t.v. except on the mantle. I always thought I'd enjoy a corner fireplace until I had one. Seriously! Andy started building a "media closet" but it will take him awhile to fix it all up. Until then, our Dish box and t.v. and PS3 (yes, that is a controller charging...my hubby plays games after I go to bed!) on the mantle! BOO! (And yes, that is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Never knew a 5 month old could have a favorite show!). We are getting new hardwoods in the next couple of weeks and will be pulling up all that brown tile and replacing it with glass tiles, so the fireplace will look really pretty, but the top of it just bums me out. Until we can move and I can find a beautiful entertainment center with doors to hide my t.v. . . any suggestions!?

#2 . . . My couch.

Much like Tanya, I have an issue with my couch. Because of the size of the room, Andy and I bought a sectional. Bummer - we didn't get the kind where we could break apart. So, it is one big massive couch and it makes the room look closed in. Also, just like Tanya, I HATE that the first thing you see when you walk in the door is the couch. Sooo... I want a new couch. I am in the process of trying to find a good deal and selling ours. Any suggestions on furniture arrangement, however? I'd love a sofa and a chair and a half, but worried I won't have room for both.

#3 . . . My couch (again).

Until I get rid of this couch, I need any advice possible on the pillows. Our unruley dogs always sit on the cushions and they are all mashed down and misshapen now! They have that green stuff inside them. To top it all off, they are velcro, so they fall down all the time! How can I get them full again, and how can I get them to STAY on the velcro - besides the obvious, get the dogs to act right? Even when someone sits down, if they sit the right way, you hear a loud screeecch as the velcro separates. UGH! Don't ever buy a couch like this one, FYI :)

Any advice would be greatly appreciated :) And just for fun...

Proverbs 18:24

"A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother."

Emory's Haven

2010-04-15T16:46:00.005-05:00

So I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for the right time to take final pictures of Emory's nursery and post them for my friends to see. I secretly have wanted to post them on Rate My Space because I'm nerdy like that! haha! Anyway - I have never been able to get pictures because I've been waiting to put up pictures, etc., and waiting on my busy hubby to finish a few projects. Well, I was finally ready to take pictures and the pipe burst in her closet.

So, I'm just biting the bullet (is that the right term?) and posting pictures. There is usually a nice white, comfy rug on the floor but, alas, it was flooded out. Good news - insurance is going to buy me a new one (BONUS! I was wanting a new one anyway since the dogs had rolled in the dirt and had a party on her rug!). So, I am waiting for that. But, here are a few pictures of Emory's safe haven. FYI - the room is SUPER small, so I really had to crunch it all in without making it look crammed!

Here is a picture of her crib and the built-ins that Andy built. The crib is a Stanley Young America. I KNOW! Super nice and, yes, super expensive. Too bad I found it on Craig's List for way cheap!! I was so excited! Emory's Shabby Chic bedding is from Target, which is most likely my favorite store! (And yes - that is her playing in the crib!).

I really wanted a big comfy chair/glider but space (and funds) would not allow that. Instead, I found this glider for FREE on Freecycle. If you've never heard of Freecycle, it's a great program that you join and people post things they want or want to get rid of - all for FREE. The point is to keep the stuff out of landfills. This glider was originally oak and had a minor defect. The cushions were also disgusting, but Andy painted the glider and Grandma Alice made us new cushions!

This is one built in. I tried to fill the shelves with things that were special to me. You will see pictures of our family and a picture of my Grandma and Grandpa on their wedding day. My Grandpa was an American soldier who found my Grandma in England and swept her away to the states. There are also a few knickknacks that were passed down to me from my mom! And don't forget the wicker baskets. This room is so small that I had to have some storage somewhere other than the closet since we can only fit a small dresser/changing table.

This is the shelving on the right side of the crib.

This is one of my favorite things in the room. This mobile was made by Andy's friend Chelsea, who also made us a beautiful blanket made of the same fabric the birds are made of. This is such a beautiful touch and I love it!

Andy rags me so much about this chandelier. He did NOT want to take the fan out! But when I found out I was having a girl, I wanted a girly room! I found this chandelier at Hobby Lobby on sale for $25! We put a brighter light bulb in and it works great!

My dear friend painted this picture for Emory's room. He asked me what my favorite childhood book was and I told him The Velveteen Rabbit. This is just so special to me and I hope it will always hang somewhere in our house!

So, I never use this camera anymore since Andy got his nice Canon and when I turned it on to upload these pictures I found this picture of Emory! She was so tiny here - only like 7 weeks old! I can't believe how little she is here - although some people may not think she was so little compared to other babies since she was almost 9 lbs at birth!

That's all the pictures I have for now. Hopefully I'll find a new rug soon and I'm working on a couple of projects to hang on the wall!

Psalm 28:7

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; My heart trusted in Him, and I am helped;Therefore my heart greatly rejoices,And with my song I will praise Him."

DiShInG iT!

2010-04-14T22:07:00.004-05:00

I think my friend Tanya has such cute posts, and today she has participated in Serenity Now's Dishing It! party. I thought I would play along! This week is all about BLOGS.

I have been blogging since 7/08. WOW. I actually had to look back and find that date and I really had no clue I had been blogging that long! It's amazing how time flies - and even MORE amazing what happens when you have a baby and your memory goes to pOt!

I started blogging initially to have somewhere to express my thoughts - a creative outlet mind you - and at the time intended it to be geared towards my work as a Registered Dietitian. I have so many hilarious, crazy, and sometimes even slightly scary stories from being an RD and dealing with parents.

"He has caffeine headaches if he doesn't drink his sweet tea. He's been drinking it ever since he was a baby and I would put it in his bottle."

So, I thought I'd start a blog to get out my frustrations but it pretty quickly took another turn when I got pregnant. After that it turned into a MOMMY blog...and I had NO idea I would ever have a mommy blog! I enjoy reading mommy blogs, however, and let's face it...once you have a kid, there is nothing more fun to talk about ;)

My blog's title...

Sigh. ... (Revert back to previous post)...

Basically my title is me trying to say - these are my thoughts on paper people! I am not the type of person to be loud or overly outgoing, but I love to write, and I love to write in COLOR, or OUT LOUD - meaning letting people know my true thoughts and feelings ... well, you get it.

My favorite thing about blogging is that I can sit down and let go. I try to contain myself and sometimes but I really enjoy letting my thoughts flow. I also enjoy reading other's blogs, getting good home ideas, seeing their cute designs, and thinking about re-designing my own (obviously, it needs a makeover). Basically, I enjoy having this online journal that will be here for years to come, where I can look back and think wow - I remember that now! I also love getting spiritual inspiration from others. There are a few women out there that I enjoy following and they really inspire me to try to become a better person. After all - friends (whether they are close friends or mere blog acquaintances) should always give you some type of positive inspiration...right?

If I could have one famous person become an avid reader of my blog...probably Candice Olsen from HGTV's Divine Design. I just love her! In an ideal world, she would post decorating tips or even come over for dinner and while she was here, just happen to drop off some of her designs that she was discontinuing. haha! Dream on! I would love to have her sit in my living room and pick her brain regarding how to arrange my long and narrow room with a corner fireplace! She can make a shack look like a palace.

I actually can't remember any overly funny comments that I have received, but I haven't really been all that public with this blog and haven't received a whole lot of random readers. Most of my followers are just close friends that put up with my ranting and most likely just enjoy seeing baby pictures :) But I'm okay with that!

And that is my first DISHING IT!

Proverbs 27:17 NIV

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Getting To Know You...

2010-04-08T17:12:00.004-05:00

My friend Tanya has hosted a Getting To You Know question on her blog, so I thought I'd join in on the fun. The question was: What did you want to be when you grew up? Well...I'm a little sentimental talking about it. For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a writer. Not just a writer...but a great author. As a child, I wrote short stories and poems. As an adolescent, I wrote DRAMATIC poetry and longer stories, about love and loss and death...all things I thought I knew all about but really had no clue! haha! As a young adult, I wrote skilled papers in my College Comp 1 and 2 class. I remember my teacher writing on my paper "You will be a great writer one day." Did I ever cling to that thought. It was my dream. She had written on another paper that I should major in journalism - but if you know me, you know I am not a risk taker, and journalism is a risky business.

I still love to write and dream about writing a novel one day. I start novels and get about 2 pages into them and then just can't pull it all together. I lose confidence in my abilities and start to wonder what I am doing and why I'm even trying it. Then I thought, perhaps I could write a children's book. YES! That's it! A children's book! I drew out my characters and thought of a great idea to write about and then thought I'd better Google search the topic to see what my competition was. Low and behold, another woman had previously had the EXACT same idea as I did and had a successful line of books out on the same topic. Sigh...

So, I pretty much gave up. I mean...pretty much. Every once in awhile I get the idea again and think...that would make a GREAT storyline. (Tanya - maybe I can write a great play one day and you can star in it?! lol!)

Somehow, I knew I wanted to be a dietitian when I went to college. Don't ask me how I arrived at that decision and what research I had done on the topic. I just remember already having a major when I registered my Freshman year at UCA. I finished college super early (in three years), got accepted into the UCA Dietetic Internship/Masters program, finished my Masters degree and Internship the next August, and shortly thereafter passed my exam and became a Registered Dietitian. I took the job that I have right out of college and MAN! was I clueless! After 3 1/2 years of working with children with special needs, I still don't feel like I have a clue sometimes!

Being a dietitian is not all what I thought it would be. Sometimes, or I guess a lot of the time, I question this decision I have made. I love nutrition. I think the human body is fascinating and the role that food and nutrients play in the body is just amazing to me. However, there are so many things I struggle with, especially working in the population that I work in. A lot of my time is spent doing countless evaluations (I have to follow roughly 400 children), making menus, reading food labels, and counseling parents. I love doing some of it, but some of it I detest - like meeting with a parent because their child is obese. What do you say to a parent of a 95 pound 4 year old who looks you right in the eye and says, "But she's not overweight, look how tall she is! She is just going to be a big girl." ...

Many times I feel like I do no good in my job, and other times I feel like I really help people. But I guess that's the way many jobs are. About a year and a half ago I finally decided to go back to school. My husband was in school full time and I would come home and just lay on the couch - this was before I had a blog - and was just bored. So I decided to go back to school for my MBA, and in December I finished my MBA with emphasis in Health Care Management.

So now what? I'm still in the same position for the same company. I guess my ultimate goal is to work as an Office Manager for a medical clinic of some sort, but am trusting God to lead me in the direction that I need to go. I would also love to be at home 1 or 2 days a week with my baby girl.

I get disappointed sometimes, I have ups and downs, I think that I don't want to leave my company because of all the great people I work with and sweet children, and then ultimately I just have to hang it all up and let God lead me.

So that is probably 1000 times more than what you wanted to know...but there you have it!

Phil. 4:6 NIV

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

Sweet Spring

2010-04-05T20:03:00.003-05:00

Easter weekend has come and gone and my little girl continues to grow so fast. I can't believe the weeks are flying by as fast as they are. I guess working full time really helps the time go by.

This weekend was so good. I really look forward to the weekends now because I know that I will be able to spend time with my husband, daughter, and family. Not to mention dinner with my family on Friday nights and lunch with my sister, mom, and grandma on Saturdays. I just love these two "traditions" we have and look forward to them EVERY week!

Friday I left work a little early and met Andy and my sister and her boys at the zoo at 3:30. She watches Em on Fridays so she had all three kids in her backseat! Talk about a lot of carseats! The zoo was a lot of fun. I haven't been there in years so it was neat seeing the changes that they are making. The boys had a lot of fun and Andy got some great pictures!

Jude had lots of fun running around!

My baby girl and I...

About halfway through, she got soooo sleepy and fell asleep in her stroller. We then met mom and Ryan at Cactus Jack's for dinner and headed home for the night. Saturday I woke up early (as is the norm with a little one) and Andy and I decided to take Emory to see MaMaw (Andy's grandmother). It's hard to get out to see her because we are so busy, but we had a great visit and MaMaw was so happy to see her!

I did a little bit of shopping and went to lunch with the family and Andy and I spent a quiet night at home, grilling hamburgers and hanging out together as a family.

What's weird is that I woke up at exactly 6:52 on Sunday morning, which was sunrise on Easter. I thought that was a little uncanny. Our family got ready and went to Sunday school. For those of you that don't know my specific beliefs, we don't really celebrate Easter or Christmas per se for many different reasons. One major reason is because we celebrate Christ's birth and death every Sunday when we take memorials (communion). So, the day was not necessarily anything extra special for us, but every day that we are able to praise God and what He gave to us is special - which hopefully is EVERY day!

This weekend I have really been hit with so many emotions. I don't know if it's hormones or what, but I am really overwhelmed by such thankfulness as well as worry and anxiety. I guess I never knew I could love someone so much, and the thought of anything happening to her is frightening. I have spent a lot of time in prayer lately but feel that I need something more. I'm still finding my way in this area.

I hope everyone has had a wonderful weekend full of family, friends, and most of all...FAITH!

II Corinthians 5:14-15
"For Christ's love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."

4 Month Flooding

2010-03-28T20:27:00.008-05:00

This weekend has been C R A Z Y. I'll start with Emory's appointment on Friday. It went great! She weighed 15 lbs 10 ounces (85 %ile) and was 25 1/8 inches long (75 %ile). Of course I had to plot her weight for length when I got back to my office, which fell 75-90th percentile. Dr. Holmes said she was proportional and looked great! We talked about starting foods sometime between now and 6 months, and I was glad Dr. Holmes sort of gave me the option on when I wanted to do that (of course, I'm a little weird about feeding since that's what I do all day!:)) She did say that we can give one more round of antibiotics if she gets another ear infection and after that we will have to discuss TUBES...but let's hope this 80 degree weather this week stays and that her ears stay CLEAR!

We also discussed the dreaded sleep issue. Emory has really been waking up more than she should lately and Dr. Holmes said now that her ears are clear and after we give a couple of days for her 4 month shots to wear off, it's time to let her cry. I had been expecting that and actually was very ready for it.

I was all set to start that process Saturday night. Friday night I wanted to give her another night since she had had her shots and she was really fussy from them. Saturday Em and I went to eat lunch with my sister, mom, and grandma. We went to Shoe Connection and my mom bought Em a few little hairbows and a couple of headbands that are so cute and so cheap! We ate at Panera Bread. So glad they opened up two of those in Central Arkansas! We used to eat there everytime we went to Branson, so when they opened them here, us girls got very excited! :)

I wanted to head home early instead of doing the usual shopping Saturday because I was planning on a girls night out dinner with some friends and then meeting the guys for bowling afterward. Mom was going to come stay the night and watch Em, so I wanted to rush home and get her freshly washed sheets on the guest bed and clean out the guest shower for her as well as give Emory an early bath so she would be all ready for her Gran. I called Andy to tell him we were on our way home and his response was "You may not want to come home."

Not exactly what I wanted to hear. He told me that a pipe had burst and the entire right side of our house was flooded (Emory's room, extra bath, guest bedroom, hallway, laundry room, and out into the garage). By the time I got there he had vacuumed up all the water but we quickly realized we would have to make an insurance claim. Ugh! Andy had to clean out all of the extra bedroom stuff and a restoration company came in to set up de-humidifiers and fans and used Mildewcide to make sure we prevent the floors and walls from molding.

Amazing how such a little hole can cause such a ruckus.

So now we are running the de-humidifiers 24 hours a day until Tuesday. That means Emory has to sleep in our room and the routine we had going is all jacked up! Last night was just awful. She must have been up every 1-2 hours. I know that some of it could have been her shots.

Let's hope tonight goes better and that hopefully the insurance adjuster will be out bright and early in the morning so we can get this show on the road. What a disaster! I do think, though, that we have been blessed SO much thus far so we really shouldn't complain.

On the up-side, I am off the next two days. I was hoping that I could use that time to spring clean and spend some quality time with my baby girl, but the spring cleaning is a little wrecked now. I guess that's the true lesson for us - God's plans are not our own! From something little like a pipe bursting to something big.

Romans 8:28

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Couch Potato

2010-03-24T17:19:00.004-05:00

So right now I feel like a semi-poor mother because my 4 month old is sitting in her bouncy seat watching Mickey Mouse Playhouse! Seriously, she has been SO fussy these past few days and this afternoon I just couldn't take it. I tried everything and finally put some Orajel on her gums. She seemed a little better but still randomly screaming and freaking out so I finally just turned on the t.v. and sat her in front of it! Voila! She is now kicking her legs and soaking it up! I really needed a minute to just sit down anyway. Sometimes I feel like all I do is work, come home and entertain this crazy little one, and squeeze in a little couch potato time at night to watch a show or two! I never imagined life with an infant would be this way, but I wouldn't trade it, either!

The weeks are literally flying back in a whir of busy-ness. Last Saturday my best friend Stephanie and I went to a wedding of a friend that we lived with in college. It was a beautiful wedding and reception!! I hate that I didn't get any pictures, but it was raining outside so my camera really wasn't on my mind when I was trying to scurry into the church. Steph and I didn't stay very long. Emory has double ear infections a g a i n so I wanted to get home semi-early in case she needed me.

Sunday afternoon we went to my parent's house to celebrate my sister's 30th birthday! Again...no pictures of this either (yet). I know! I'm such a bad picture taker. My husband takes more pictures than I do! I just never think about it!

It's almost Thursday but this week for some reason is really dragging by. I think it's because I'm very excited for Friday, which is Emory's 4 month checkup. I'm always really excited for her doctor visits (um...unless she's sick) because I love to hear how the doctor thinks she is doing and developing and I love to see how long she is and how much she weighs. She is getting to be so much fun, although it is still stressful sometimes!

I hope to post more this Friday if I have time to update on how Emory's appointment went. Here is a quick shot I took with my phone last Saturday when Emory fell asleep. Hopefully more to come! I promise I'll get better at this picture thing!

Nahum 1:7 NKJV
"The LORD is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; And He knows those who trust in Him."

2010-03-07T21:41:00.004-06:00

Well, the bright side is that I'm getting better at blogging now that I FINALLY have my laptop back from getting fixed. Once Andy finally sent it off (after weeks of carrying it in his truck), Best Buy got it back to us in about 2 weeks! So, I've been super excited not to have to work on my old, crummy, superslow, infected laptop anymore.

This weekend has been fabulous, but today things have been weighing heavy on my mind. Do you know those days when everything seems to hit you at once? It seems like everything I'm worried about tries to bother me all at once sometimes, and I can't shake the feeling. This morning I got up and got Emory and I ready for church. Andy decided to stay home because he has a huge project due Monday morning. On the way, Emory fell asleep and my mind just started drifting to different things that I've been worried about but always just push away. Usually these worries hit me one at a time on different occasions, but they all ran through my head over and over today, which was difficult.

First of all, I had a dream last night that was really weird. It was about an old friend who is no longer a friend to me. In the dream, I found out she was having a baby, and I wanted so badly to be there for her and reconnect with her. This morning the dream was really getting to me. Am I feeling bad about what happened between us? Does a part of me really want to reconnect with her? Is she still the same person that she was (which is ultimately why I decided to part ways), or is she more of a person that I could be friends with again?

I'm also worried about the future. Not my future necessarily, but a few people very close to me. One in particular is something that I feel I could help with if I had the nerve to say something to the person, to give advice to them, but I won't because I know it's not wanted and wouldn't be received well.

It just so happens that Bro. Jim was speaking today about giving advice. Isn't God humorous sometimes? Do we really accept advice the way God had intended us to? When we are failing, do we get defensive when a brother or sister comes to us and tries to help and offer their advice, like they are commanded to do? Instead of being grateful for them for saving us, we get defensive, mad, and upset and often blow up. This leads to us turning even more in the other direction ... all because of pride.

Anyway, after listening to the lecture, I decided on the way home that it was pretty pointless to worry about everything that had been crossing my mind on the way there and that I was commanded to not borrow worries from the future. That's basically not trusting that God will take care of us, anyway...but oh, so hard to think like that.

On to other news...I'm not quite ready to start the week yet. Emory's sleep patterns aren't what they used to be and she has been waking very frequently the past 2-3 weeks. She was only waking once at night, but for some reason all that has gone to pot. I am looking at trying to let her "cry it out" so I asked for advice from my fellow mom friends on Facebook. It seems like the general consensus says 45 minutes to an hour of crying is usually what it takes the first night. Sigh. Not really possible for a working mommy! So, I plan to try again this coming weekend. I originally started on Friday night but had a splitting headache all night long, so I just gave up. I couldn't bear letting her cry when my head was hurting so bad!

Highlights of the weekend:

Friday night Emory rolled over for the first time by herself! I was so proud of her!

Saturday morning Andy got up at 6:30 with Emory so I could sleep, brought me McDonald's HOTCAKES (my favorite) for breakfast (in BED), then went and did the dreaded Wal-Mart shopping while Emory and I went shopping and ate lunch with my mom, grandma, sister, and nephew! It was fabulous!

When I got home, we got some fun shots of Emory!

I then got to catch up on all my DVR'd shows that I missed this week - Private Practice, CSI, Law & Order, and Mercy. I LOVE having DVR, especially now that we have Emory and it's so hard to catch my favorite shows!

It's time for me to hit the sack. I hope everyone has a fabulous week and remember how blessed you are!

Matthew 6:34

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

My Day

2010-03-06T15:21:00.006-06:00

Yesterday was Show Us Your Life - What Is Your Typical Day? on Kelly's Korner Blog. I have just recently started reading her blog and thought I'd try out a Show Us Your Life post. I know I'm a day late but I did nothing but run, run, run yesterday (and Andy, Emory, and I fell asleep at 8:00 last night!) so here it is!

My day is c r a z y - and usually varies greatly whether I am traveling for work or if it's a night Andy is in class. On a normal day, I get up around 6 and get ready in a hurry so I can be dressed before Emory wakes up. After I'm ready, I'll get my breakfast and lunch ready and then wake Em up, get her dressed for the day, and feed her. If it's a Monday or Thursday I'll load her up and we'll head off to work together, but if it's a Tuesday or Wednesday my mother-in-law comes to our house to babysit for the day. On Fridays Andy takes her to my sister's house. I try to get to work by 7:15 or 7:30.

Work tasks vary greatly as well, but you can count on a busy day but usually lots of small breaks to chat with co-workers who just happen to be some of my good friends!

Around 3:30 I'll head home. Sometimes my mother-in-law has cooked us supper, which is such a great help since Andy and I both work and he's in grad school. I usually will play with Em for awhile when I get home. We try to work on her exercises, like tummy time or rolling over!

She'll start to get tired around 5 or 6 and take a small nap. Andy will come home and play with Em for awhile.

Andy and I will eat supper (if it's a night that his mom hasn't cooked, he'll come home from work and make us dinner). We'll watch some t.v. for a few minutes and give Em a bath and get her ready for bed. She usually is in her crib by 8 or 8:30, at which time I'll go take a shower (BEST part of my day - complete solitude!!) and get ready for bed. Andy and I will usually watch some t.v. before bed and around 10 I'll try to get in bed since Emory has been waking up every 2-3 hours lately because she's getting her first TOOTH in!

Life with an infant is SO much more hectic than I ever thought it would be! I didn't put in there anywhere about housework, but usually after dinner I'll clean up the kitchen and throughout the afternoon I'll usually have laundry going or something. I've always been OCD about housework but it's SO hard with a little one, and working full time on top of a baby is exhausting! So I've had to learn to let a few things go - which has been a very hard lesson for me, but necessary if I want to stay sane!

I don't have a lot of time to do personal things but I'm on the search for a new Bible study. I could really use something uplifting right now!

Overall, I LOVE my life - every bit of it, even though at times it is overwhelming and exhausting, and I try to cherish every moment that God has given me!

Exodus 20:6
"And showing mercy to thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments."

Warrior.

2010-03-02T18:39:00.008-06:00

Wow - once agan, it's been 2 weeks since my last blog post. It has been another insane 2 weeks, complete with a second round of antibiotics for Emory, a grueling stomach virus for Andy and I, a trip to the E.R., and a stressful struggle to continue nursing through everything that has happened.

I just can't go into everything that happened with the stomach virus, but it was BAD. I literally was lying in bed thinking that I was going to die. I have never been so sick in my life and the violent vomiting led to severe dehydration (again) which led to a trip to the E.R. (again) after I discovered that I was no longer producing milk for Emory. As we drove to the E.R. I thought to myself this is it, I won't be able to get it back...and was devestated.

After two bags of fluids and a day off of work on Monday to rest, I called the lactation nurse on Tuesday. She tried to make me feel better and said to not worry but trust the maternal process and wait for my milk to fully return and to continue nursing as much as possible. I did what she said and hoped that I wouldn't have to supplement with formula. On Tuesday evening Andy called on his way home and I was barely able to hold back the tears when I told him I didn't know if I'd have enough stored milk to make it until mine came back in full. He quickly told me it was OKAY and that I had been a "warrior." I don't think he realizes how much it meant when he called me that.

Being a mother has been the most challenging, scary, wonderful, beautiful, and stressful thing I have ever done, but nursing along with that has been extremely hard. I believe in nursing - the benefits and the fact that it is natural and the way God has intended - with everything in me, and therefore will continue to stick to it throughout this year until Emory is able to be switched to cow's milk.

I have a wonderful, supportive husband and wonderful, supportive family and friends that are backing me and I can't be more thankful! I hope you all know how much you mean to me and how helpful it is to hear encouraging words.

Emory is an active 3 1/2 month old now, and so sweet! In just three short weeks we will have her 4 month checkup. Here are some current facts:

Emory LOVES to chew on her hands and has hit the DROOLING phase where bibs are a must!

She also is using her hands so much more! Grabbing, holding, touching, and feeling everything!

She is getting used to the supercute headbands that I put on her that used to REALLY annoy her!

She is doing so much better holding her head up and looking at the world.

She weighs a little over 14 lbs now (I KNOW!) and is wearing 3-6 month clothes. She WAS sleeping through the night except for waking one time until she got sick, and we have been recovering since then and trying to get back to a normal sleep pattern! (What is normal anyway!?). She LOVES to screech and make noises. She loves to watch t.v., primarily Disney, kick her legs, and CHEW on everything. She also has finally given in and learned to sit in her Bumbo seat! She smiles a big smile and we are just in love with her.

I can't believe how fast time is flying!

Psalms 39:4

"LORD, make me know mine end, and the measure of my days, what it is: that I may know how frail I am."

Sickness and Snow!

2010-02-09T22:03:00.006-06:00

Well, in my last post I mentioned battling a cold along with Emory, who I thought only had a cough. Much to my dismay, a "just in case" doctor visit last week unvieled RSV and double ear infections! I was so sad to find out that my little girl was going through her first of - I'm sure - many more sicknesses, but it is so hard when they aren't feeling well and you can't do anything about it!

Today was day 7 of our antibiotics and she is really seeming to feel better, which I am thankful for. Yesterday I was at home - bored - secondary to LOTS of snow. I started clicking on blog after blog, just reading what people had to say and if any blogs I encountered were interesting to me. I came across one and the first post said "Please pray for ..." and it mentioned a little girl recently diagnosed with RSV, who is now at a Children's hospital somewhere (not sure if it was Arkansas?) in ICU. It really hit me hard since Emory is going through the exact same thing, but the Lord has protected her from extensive illness, and I can't explain how thankful I am.

A friend asked me the other day how I was doing, since Emory was sick. Of course, it is so hard on mama when your baby is sick! But my eyes have really been opened lately. I've been talking to close friends and reading about others who have encountered heartbreaking situations with their little ones. Illness after illness after illness, a disorder, or even death. These moms are SO strong. I can't imagine the amount of strength it takes to pull it all together - and keep it all together - when your little one is hurting and you can't do anything about it. So, here's to all of YOU beautiful mom's out there who have gone through anything from a measley cold to the death of a child. YOU are wonderful, and your children are wonderfully made.

On a lighter note...

Mom called tonight and had ordered Em some shoes. I was so excited! I had been talking about buying her these for awhile now, but couldn't justify spending $25 dollars on them since she will outgrow them so fast. BUT...mom found some on SALE! and she ordered them a little big so they will fit for awhile (hey...it's not like she's walking yet!). I can't WAIT to get them in!

So cute, right?!

I have also really been wanting to redesign my blog and make it more of my own personality. The one I have right now is...I know, I know...stark. I guess I was just wanting to have a clean slate, but now I'm looking at all of these other blogs and know that I can really make it my own if I put some work into it. However, I'm still using this old, crummy laptop since mine has been messed up and Andy has to take mine to Best Buy to get shipped off and returned. So...until that happens, you will have to deal with this - pretty boring - blog. I'm sure the few of you that read this don't mind :)

Em is still growing like a weed. She is a beautiful addition to my little family! I hope that I will continue to be this thankful for her every day, and I hope that you are thankful for the blessings in your life as well.

Psalms 139:14
"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well."

When the Going Gets Tough...

2010-02-01T17:33:00.004-06:00

...the tough slurps down some caffeine!

I have never really been the type to need caffeine, and it may be all in my head that I need it now. Life has been so busy still and I don't see it slowing down anytime soon! I can't believe I haven't blogged in over 2 weeks. I try to use my free time to clean or rest, and there's really not a whole lot of free time right now with work and a little one to entertain! Since Andy is pretty busy with work and school right now, I pretty much have to care for Emory for most of the night. Andy usually does make dinner to help me out and I'll try to wait until she is napping to take a shower.

I realized about two weeks ago that my lack of sleep - or inconsistent sleep - was leading to have nightmares again. When I was in college I started having really bad nightmares. They had started up again recently and were very scary and really were bothering me. My sister suggested that I go to bed earlier and try to get more consistent sleep if possible. Since Andy stays up later than I do, he started shutting our door and taking the monitor in case Em woke up until it was time for him to go to bed so I wouldn't wake up if she stirred. I can't explain how helpful it has been! Em has also started sleeping longer stretches throughout the night. Last night...dare I say it?...she only woke up once!

We are, however, both battling a cold right now and it's so awful not to be able to give her anything. Tonight she has been coughing so hard she has been sort of throwing up - sort of spitting up. I'm hoping this is a good sign that all of the mucous is starting to loosen up and maybe she will feel better soon!

On to other issues...

I have really been trying to do some soul searching lately. Andy and I have recently talked about how we really need to study our Bibles more like we did when we first started dating. When we were dating, we did nightly Bible studies and even went through a pre-marital Bible study together, which was great. Life gets in the way and lately things have been so crazy that my Bible studies have sort of fallen by the wayside. Last night I started the daily readings again and I hope to start a study on Lamentations soon.

I picked Lamentations because 1) I saw the book in my mom's bookcase and was interested, and 2) because it seems like as we get older, we have a lot of trials and hard times that we encounter. Lamentations is a book of relentless mourning, but there is immense beauty in the lessons you can learn from the book. I have studied it before in passing, but am hoping that this study will refreshen my reliance on God and my empathy for others.

It seems like everytime I get on Facebook now someone is asking for prayers. Which makes me wonder...when you say you are praying for someone, do you really? Do you really pray that very minute? If so, do you quickly say the prayer and then forget about it and don't pray again? Do you pray constantly throughout the day for those that are in need of it or just once a day? Do you even really pray like you say you do, or is that just to make yourself and the person needing prayers feel better?

I only ask because I have been guilty of this before and am trying to do much better at it. I also find it hard sometimes to talk to God - that is something that I am working on constantly. I find it important to be respectful without being redundant and superficial - God knows what we need and want. I try to put emphasis in my prayer that I only want what God has planned for me - therefore, if it's not in His will to answer one of my desires, I will accept that.

One thing I never fail to do in my prayers is thank the Lord for my beautiful, healthy daughter...a real reminder of the miracles of this life.

Psalms 118:29

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good; for his mercy endureth forever."

I Never Imagined...

2010-01-11T18:05:00.004-06:00

...That life would get this unbelievably busy as soon as you have a newborn. I have been meaning to blog for days now and everytime I sit down something happens and I never seem to find my way back to blogging.

Life has been a whirlwind. I went back to work last Monday, which has been both a blessing and ... well, I wouldn't say curse, but you know. It was nice to be back to work and on a schedule, it was really nice to have adult contact during the day, but most of all it was nice to feel like I actually have a purpose again instead of just being "Mommy." Don't get me wrong - I LOVE being a mother and I love my little girl, but I was beginning to lose my mind staying home all day and evening with little activity except flipping the television channels!

I am trying to adjust to not being able to soothe my OCD side. The laundry piles up, there are things that need to be put away, I need to dust and vacuum...and I just can't seem to get it all done. It wasn't too bad before, but now that I've gone back to work it's been very hard to find the time and energy in the evenings to do it all. Of course, this past weekend I also got hit with my 3rd...yes, 3rd...case of mastitis. I know that it is most likely due to being run down and tired, but honestly, what mom isn't run down and tired!? Especially when you work full time?!

I am feeling better secondary to antibiotics now, but I am definitely going to need to focus on my health and wellness and just let the rest go. That means even more loads of laundry left to do and even more unchecked items on the to-do list. But, all of that can wait if it means that Emory and I are healthy!

Andy has been very busy lately as well. He is now working two different jobs, is still in his MBA program, and started ANOTHER class tonight at UALR. Yes, he is insane. He's attempting to finish his Accounting degree on top of getting his MBA, which is smart, but very taxing as well. He is a very dedicated husband and father and for that, we are very thankful!

On to other news...Emory is 8 weeks tomorrow. I just can't believe how much she is changing. She is so much more alert now. She loves to smile at people when they are talking to her. She loves to look at bright colors and her spotted stuffed dalmation. She loves to coo and make gurgle noises and can hold her head up very well, although after a few seconds it sometimes will crash to the side! She makes very funny and sweet noises, is very warm and cuddly, and sleeps...okay...at night. She still eats every 2-3 hours. She HATES bathtime right now but loves to lay on her changing table and look around. She also loves to sleep in the soft bag thing at work! She loves to have her picture taken because she loves the flash. She also loves to walk around so she can look at everything.

Next Thursday is our well-child checkup, but Friday I had to take Emory in to have her bellybutton carterized. She had a granuloma form inside that needed to be fixed. Dr. Holmes looked her over real well also and said she looks just like a baby doll. She is now almost 12 pounds! We are so thankful for a healthy baby!!

I will leave you now with a few pictures from Emory's first Christmas. We were so blessed to be able to spend time with family, even though it flooded everywhere and even though we were so tired after going from house to house! In just a few short months we will be doing it again, except with a 1 year old. I know it will fly by so I'm trying to hang on to every sweet moment until then!

This picture should have been last - Emory exhaused after all of the activities, all swaddled up and ready for bed!

Emory in the Christmas dress that Grandma (Terry) got her.

Emory looking around as her Gran holds her!

Emory sleeping in MaMaw's arms, wearing the other Christmas dress that Gran (my mom) got her!

Psalms 95:3

"For the LORD is a great God, and a great King above all gods."

The Greatest Blessings of All...

2009-12-16T19:45:00.007-06:00

...are those that you never fathomed...like 3 a.m. feedings, turning over at 7 a.m. to a wide awake 4 week old, sitting on the couch for hours with her on my chest sleeping, her unexpected smiles and giggles that most likely don't mean anything at this age but we can still imagine they do.

These are moments that I thank God for every day. I have to admit that the first couple weeks of being a mother were difficult and I often found myself wondering if I could do this. I found myself thinking, "in just a few months it will get easier..." and then I would catch myself and think..."soak up every minute!! You'll never get these back!!" And so as each day passes I find myself falling more in love with this little blessing from God - another child for His kingdom.

Last night I put Emory in her little bed after a feeding and as I lay back down I couldn't help but thank God for her. Even though I lose much more sleep than I ever did before and even though I don't have the freedom that I once did and yes, even though this control freak has had to give up all control to this little one, I still thank God every day for her. There are some difficult times when I'm tired, or cranky, or Andy is tired or cranky, or I feel like I'm suffocating in this house and just want to go shopping all day like I used to...but the blessings majorly outweigh those difficult times to the point that they just...fade away.

Emory is 4 weeks now and changing so much every day! Last Thursday we went to see the lactation nurse/nurse practitioner at our pediatrician's office. She wanted to weigh Emory and then watch a feeding to make sure everything is going okay and then weigh her again. Emory weighed 9 pounds!! We were so excited to see that she had gained. The feeding went great and Nancy (the nurse) said that she was "a piglet!" She said everything was looking good and then when we weighed her after the feeding, we discovered that she had eaten 3 ounces! Nancy was very impressed and said that is just great for her age!

Emory and I had a pretty uneventful Friday night. Andy left on Friday morning for Fayetteville for his last class of the semester so my mom came Friday night to stay with us. She left pretty early Saturday morning so Em and I just laid around all Saturday until Andy came home around 4. Since it was Andy's 30th birthday (!!) we ordered Copeland's and ate a birthday dinner here, together, since we didn't want to take Emory out in the cold weather. The food was great!

Sunday night my parents had a get together at their house for Andy's birthday. They ordered barbeque and Andy's mom picked up his favorite ice cream cake from TCBY. It was Emory's first time meeting her great-grandpa (my grandpa) "Pop"!! He just loved her, of course!

Emory and her Pop meeting for the first time!

Emory and her Nana and Pop

We had a great time celebrating Andy's birthday!! Tuesday morning (Emory's 4 week birthday!!) we got up to finish our newborn pictures with Ashley. They turned out so beautiful and we are so happy! I will post two since there are so many that I love!!

Both pictures taken by Ashley Sheesley - AS Photography (ashleysphotography.ifp3.com).

Have a great weekend!

I Chronicles 29:13

"Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name."

3 Weeks and Growing...and the Baby Blues

2009-12-07T20:33:00.005-06:00

Tomorrow is Emory's 3 week birthday! It's so strange to count the weeks since she's been born when I was previously counting down the weeks until her birth.

Today we took Em in for a weight check at the pediatrician's office. Last week (2 weeks) we took her to Baptist to have a weight check and we were surprised and a little worried that she wasn't up to her birth weight - actually less than her one week checkup at the doctor's office also. I was really worried since she's exclusively breastfed, so today we went to make sure she is gaining. Great news - she was 8 lb 11.6 oz today! I was very relieved and when I got home, the lactation consultant called and we set another appointment for Friday so she could weigh her again and watch a feeding to make sure everything is going okay.

I have tried some compression techniques to get Em to eat more at each feeding. I don't think at the beginning she was eating enough to get to the hind milk - which has the most fat and calories - because she was only eating about 10 minutes at each feeding and then would fall asleep. I wonder now if that was why she was so incredibly fussy for a few days. She as really been a lot less fussy the past few days so I'm thankful for that!!

Yesterday was a particularly tough day for me. I woke up feeling exhausted and had a splitting headache that had carried over from Saturday night. I was overwhelmed and very fatigued, had no energy, and was just...sad. I am very aware of the signs of postpartum depression so I have really been watching for something along those lines, but I know that these feelings I have every once in awhile are normal. Andy was getting ready to go to his friend's house but decided not to go since I was in no shape to take care of Em by myself...I was so exhausted and just couldn't stop crying. Overall I just felt like I was doing a terrible job at being a mother! Andy really made me feel so much better. He sat with me and talked with me for awhile and then let me sleep on the couch for a couple of hours, which is all I really needed to feel better. He even cleaned the house like crazy while I was sleeping!! I woke up and he had cleaned the kitchen, did some loads of laundry, and cleaned out my shower drain and scrubbed the shower clean. I have such a wonderful husband!!

I'm feeling much better today, though I know it's normal to feel overwhelmed at times. With hormones going crazy and a newborn that won't stop crying and feeling restless from being cooped up all day in the house, it's pretty easy to see how it can happen!!

I can't believe it's already almost Christmas. I have yet to do ANY Christmas shopping! I hope to start soon and maybe do a lot online to save from going out. I really thought I'd be more on top of everything while on maternity leave, but that hasn't happened at all! I think I would've had a better shot at that thought if I hadn't gotten sick after bringing Em home, but then again, I'm glad I have been able to rest as well.

One last thing - I have finally finished my MBA! I'm very excited but now not sure where this will lead me. I'm just going to try to put it all in God's hands and pray that it will take me somewhere that will be good for me and my family.

Proverbs 16:9
"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."

Happy 2 Week Birthday!

2009-12-01T14:33:00.004-06:00

I can't believe my little girl is 2 weeks old today. It has already been such a crazy whirlwind that it's hard to believe. I only have 4 more weeks off with her, which makes me incredibly sad to think about, so I'm trying to enjoy every moment...even the hard ones!

We have definitely been adjusting to life with a little one. There have definitely been some hard times! Mostly, figuring out why Emory is crying or what we can do to soothe her has been difficult. Finally, with some advice from other moms, I finally started reading the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block." I am only to the 3rd chapter and I feel so much better!! I really had gotten to where I was so upset everytime Emory cried and felt like I was doing something wrong. The book has made me realize that it is only natural for her to cry and that our society puts way too much emphasis on having a "good" baby. Today has been a lot better just because I have tried some of the techniques in the book and already feel like it is helping to soothe her when she is upset.

I have had sort of a tough time recovering, as I indicated in my last post. Starting the nursing process was difficult, as I'm sure any mom knows. I have been in constant contact with the lactation consultant, which has been a huge blessing. Yesterday after talking with her we determined that I had come down with mastitis. I figured that is what it was; I felt terrible and kept having rotating chills/sweating episodes as well as just felt awful overall and was in pain. Hopefully with the antibiotics and rest, fluids, etc., I will get better soon.

My mom also helped calm me on Sunday night. I was talking to her about Emory's poop (favorite topic of conversation I guess for a new mom) and was worried she wasn't pooping enough. Mom finally told me I was worrying way too much! And she was right. Today I feel a lot better just trying to enjoy her being this little and all the new things she is doing. Hopefully I will continue feeling like this and not have too many more breakdowns :)

Saturday night we went to Ashley's to get our newborn shots. Em was so great for most of the shoot until she started getting really tired! She slept through the beginning which was great. Below are some shots that Ashley got. I just love them and we are so grateful to have such a great photographer and friend!! (Her website: ashleysphotography.ifp3.com).

I can't wait to see more! Em has changed so much in just 2 weeks, it's so amazing!

Until next time...

John 15:11
"These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full."

Mommy

2009-11-22T00:00:00.003-06:00

I'll try to do the best I can blogging so I can keep everyone updated on how we are doing! If you haven't heard already, Emory Ryan Arnold was born at 9:45 on Tuesday, November 17th. Here is our birth story:

From my previous post, you can figure I was a little leary about going to the hospital if I didn't know for sure that Emory was coming then. I was a little bummed Monday night because of the whole fiasco that we had gone through on Sunday. I decided to get the Christmas decorations down (or have Andy get them down) from the attic in case I didn't have time to put them up later. I took my time decorating and got a few things put up when I started to have lots of cramping. I thought a bath would make me feel better. I took my time bathing and even shaved my legs, but mid-bath I heard a loud POP noise and automatically thought that my water may have broken since I had heard my sister say the same thing when she was in labor...but it was impossible to tell because I was in the bathtub! I got out and dried off and then realized that no matter how much I dried off, I wasn't getting dry! After a quick call to Medical Exchange to make sure I should come in (and was very happily surprised to get in touch with my own doctor who was on call!), we grabbed our bags and headed to the hospital!

The snap in weather and meteor shower are what people keep saying were the reasons why Emory was baby number 11 born that night. When we got to the hospital we had to wait about 30-45 minutes for a room, and my contractions keep getting stronger and stronger, though it was mostly all in my lower back. We finally got a room and they set me up with an epidural, which wiped out all of the pain! I even got to get some rest while we all waited for me to dilate. Andy was so great the entire time and did whatever I needed to make me feel comfortable, and I was so blessed to have him there!

I started feeling a lot of pressure on my sciatic nerve on the left side as well as increasing pain on the left side around 8 a.m. but the nurses were worried that more medicine would interfere with my ability to push, so I did without another dose of medicine. My epidural bag by that time was empty and starting to wear off, and I could really feel it on the left side. Finally the nurse said it was time to start pushing and informed me that since it was my first baby, we would most likely have to push for 1-2 hours. The first thought in my mind was that I wouldn't survive pushing for 1-2 hours! Around 9:35 we started pushing, and within minutes of extremely hard pushing the nurse had to call Dr. Garner to come over. After only 9 minutes of pushing and 6 contractions total, Emory made her way into the world!

She weighed a whopping 8 pounds and 10 ounces and was 20 1/4 inches long!! We were all so surprised at how big she was and how fast I was able to push her out, but nothing can stop a woman who has her mind made up!

The next few hours were a whirlwind. We got to go home the next day around 1:30 after meeting with my doctor, Emory's Pediatrician, and the lactation nurse twice. We were so happy to be home!

I wasn't feeling all that great on the way home or that night. I had neck and shoulder pain that was so excruciating that I couldn't turn my head from side to side, and along with that I had intense headaches. The headaches were so bad when I first stood up in the morning that it knocked me back down onto the bed. I felt great other than these thigns, but everyone kept saying that the headaches were from getting used to feeding her and that my neck pain was from the extremely hard pushing I had done in the hospital. No matter what we did, nothing helped the neck pain. My feet also had begun to swell considerably - even more than in the hospital.

On Friday Andy and I decided to take a trip to Babies R Us, but when we got there I was feeling really bad and decided to call Medical Exchange to figure out what I should do about the headaches that we now figured were spinal headaches. The nurse told me that I needed to head to the Emergency Room. We were both very scared and apprehensive as we made our way to the E.R. Andy took Emory down the street from the hospital to a friend's house while my sister came and sat with me in the E.R. As we sat there for hours waiting to be called, we realized that Emory hadn't had a bowel movement in over 24 hours and that my feet were so swollen that I was most likely incredibly dehydrated. We tried to call the lactation nurse numerous times but it was after hours so we didn't get a response.

After about 4 hours in the waiting room we finally got pulled back and the dr. immediately knew what was wrong with me; I was very dehydrated and needed some pain meds for my neck and shoulder pain. Andy came up with Emory since I was now in a small partitioned room and we waited another hour or two for the fluids to come. Finally, around 11:30 we were discharged from the E.R. and headed home.

This morning I felt a thousand times better, but Emory still was dehydrated. It had been about 30 or more hours since she had had a bm so we were really getting worried. We finally got in touch with both the lactation nurse and the nurse on call at the Pediatricians office, who gave us some advice on what we could try to stimulate her to go. It worked!! I have never been so happy to see poop in my life!!

Now, we are all feeling better. I still have a lot of headaches but have some pretty good medicines to take in the morning (they are loaded with caffeine so I can't take until the morning) but my neck and shoulder pain are feeling much better and Emory is getting back to normal. It has been a great but exhausting week for us.

Andy and I never imagined all you could feel for such a little person that you have never met before, but she has us both wrapped around her fingers. We are so thankful that she is doing well and can't wait to move forward, but I am trying to cherish every moment because I know it won't last for very long.

Just a quick thank you to everyone for your Facebook comments, texts, calls, food brought, etc. We are so blessed to have such loving friends and family and I can't wait for Emory to meet every one of you!!

I'm going to attempt to keep this updated, as I said earlier, so everyone will be able to keep up while I'm off work. Now it's time to get about an hour of sleep before our next feeding! But, again, I wouldn't have it any other way :)

*Pictures to Come*

Psalms 127:3
"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward."

Contractions but No Baby...

2009-11-15T17:53:00.002-06:00

I wasn't sure if I wanted to blog about this because right now I'm very tired, frustrated, and anxious, and having another light contraction. But, I know it will be good for me to get it out.

Last night around 10:30 I started having very light contractions. I thought they were nothing at first, but then the longer that I had them the more regular they became, so I thought they could be the real thing. I waited for awhile and then decided to just go to bed around 12:30, thinking that the real thing will wake me up. Well, I was woken up around 2 to very strong contractions that I began timing. They were falling right at 3-4 minutes apart and were more and more uncomfortable. Of course, I have never had a baby before, so I didn't know if I should go in or not. Andy and I decided that it would be much better to go in and see then not.

We arrived at Baptist at 2:30 and I was hooked up to the contraction machine and the baby monitor. My contractions were still a steady 3-4 minutes apart on the machine, but when the nurse checked me, I was only 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced. The on-call Doctor, Dr. Wyatt, made his way in and looked at the machine. He then gave me two options..."Well, I can break your water and you'll have this baby, or we can wait and see." I was pretty shocked. I had no idea he would even mention that breaking my water was an option. I turned to Andy and his immediate response was "We'll wait." (Score one for my husband for thinking clearly).

Dr. Wyatt then said he would go home and get some rest and maybe see me back in a little while. The nurse turned off our lights so we could both get some rest, which I was unable to do because of my increasing pain with the contractions. I had a lot of lower back pain and was just very tired and also very hungry since I hadn't eaten since 8:30 the night before (this was now around 3-4 a.m.). Andy fell asleep in the chair next to the bed. Finally, at 5 a.m., the nurse came in to check me again and I had not changed. She offered to let me walk around but I was just too exhausted to do much of anything. We discussed my options at that point and she said she thought I was probably in early labor and that I should probably wait for Dr. Wyatt to make his rounds in a few hours and then go from there, but she wasn't sure what time that would be since it was the weekend. She mentioned that if I had let him break my water, I would have had a baby in the next 18-24 hours, and my immediate thought was EIGHTEEN to TWENTY FOUR HOURS!? I don't want to be in labor for 18 to 24hours! So I say to the nurse, "I guess I'm just afraid I'll have to be induced."...at which point she responds, "If your cervix doesn't respond, they will start Pitocin and you'll have to be induced."

This is not in my plans at all. My doctor and I have talked about induction but only if I go over my due date, so Andy and I were again reassured that our decision to wait was best. The nurse left the room and I slept for awhile. When she came back in, I let her know that I was very hungry and feeling nauseated - by this time it had been about 10 hours since I had last eaten, which is not favorable for gestational diabetes. I was worried about my sugar as well as the baby's sugar. She checked my sugar which was getting low and said that they couldn't let me eat as long as I stayed there. She said she would check me again to see if I had made any progress and that would determine if I should stay or not.

This time, I had almost reached a 3. After she checked me, she said I had made progress and asked me what I wanted to do. I had no idea. I was so tired and uncomfortable, but I was starving and the thought of waiting for Dr. Wyatt to come back whenever he felt ready to was not very pleasing. Andy then said, "if we leave we can get you some food and you can rest at home in your bed." (Score two for my husband for being thoughtful and again, thinking clearly when I clearly was NOT). I looked at the nurse who FINALLY gave me a straight answer - "if I were your mom, I'd tell you to go home and get some rest." That was all I needed to hear from both of them to say I was ready to go home.

My last question for the nurse was "If I am already having contractions 3-4 minutes apart, how will I know when to come back?" She told me my contractions should get a lot more painful and to come when they got to that point. So, Andy and I left, went to McDonalds so I could get a sausage biscuit and some water, and then I returned home and slept from around 7 a.m. to about 1 p.m.

It was an exhausting night. As soon as we got in the car leaving the hospital I was overwhelmed with so many emotions and just burst into tears. It was probably from being overly tired, anxious, and hungry as well as a low blood sugar on top of everything, but I was just simply overwhelmed. Andy was so great at calming me down and again when I woke up around 1 p.m. and was upset again. He offered to take me to get some lunch and said we could go wherever I wanted to since I probably needed to walk some. Andy is not a big shopper, but went with me to walk around the entire Target store and then Kirklands, and then we went to Lowe's (his choice of course).

What a fabulous husband I have.

Anyway, to sum it all up, we have an appointment in the morning at 9:40 to see my Doctor, but I am so relieved that Andy helped me think clearly and make the decision not to have them break my water. Since I was only 2 cm at that point, it could have easily lead to an emergency c-section. Even though Andy and I had no idea what we were doing or why we were making that decision, I feel that God was leading us in the situation. We had no idea what breaking my water would mean at the time, but somehow something made Andy say no. Although you never know how a birth can turn out and there may eventually be some reason as to why I need a c-section at last minute, I am reassured that at least it will be for different reasons.

So today is week 39 and the day my mom picked for Emory's arrival. I guess she didn't get the date right, either. But I'm okay with that.

Romans 8:28
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

Just So You Know

2009-11-10T20:54:00.004-06:00

Who knew I would blog this much at the end of my pregnancy? Probably because each day feels like a week!!

Just so you know...

I'm emotional.
I'm extremely moody.
I'm tired.
I'm in pain sometimes...
and then I'm not.
I'm frustrated.
...but then thankful.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm sick of going to work.
I'm anxious!!

How many times I've heard that the last month of pregnancy was the absolute worst, and how many times did I ignore it and think, it can't be that bad? What was I thinking? I'm so happy to be at this point and to be healthy with a healthy baby inside, but I get so overwhelmed just letting the time tick away and nothing is happening. I am only 38 weeks 2 days now so I still have a week and a half until my due date, but man, is it going by so s l o w.

Today we had our 38 week appointment. Dr. Garner said everything still looks good. He said expect at any time the "thief in the night" (when we left I told Andy I'll be welcoming to the thief!!). He told me when to go to the hospital and we talked about what may happen if she doesn't come by 40 weeks. I asked him how long he lets women go after their due date before inducing and he said usually a week, but that would put us on Thanksgiving weekend which would not work for either of us, so if that point comes he will check my cervix and then re-assess where to go from there.

I'm trying to be positive and am so hopeful that she comes in the next week and a half!

On a happier note, I had a great birthday on Saturday. I spent the day shopping and relaxing and eating with my family. My wonderful hubby got me a North Face jacket (he remembered from last Christmas that I wanted one!!), my mom got me an iPhone (finally, a phone that works!) and my mother-in-law got me a 1 hour pregnancy massage that I have scheduled for tomorrow afternoon!! I'm pretty excited and had a great last birthday before becoming a mommy.

That is all for now. We are in the process of cleaning out the extra bedroom, which has left our house in a disaster, so I'm slightly overwhelmed thinking that she could come and we would have to bring her home to this disaster! Better get to work on that...until next time...

Ps. 46:1
"God is our refuge and strength; an ever-present help in trouble."

Another Week Down and Happy 26th!

2009-11-06T17:02:00.002-06:00

Well, I have made it through another work week! I have been saying for the past few weeks that I'd like to make it through this first week of November so I can get all of my November evaluations done at work, and today I finished up the last of them. I left a stack of envelopes on my desk to mail out and instructions on top in case I don't show up on Monday. Not that I have a feeling or anything that I won't be there, but I just want to be prepared in case I'm not there. My job at work is pretty independent and no one really knows all that I do so I definitely wanted to make sure there were specific instructions laid out for my Director!

This week has been one very crazy week at work. My friend Angela started her NEW job as a Marketing Rep for Rivendell on Monday so it has been lonely without her there, and some other staff changes surprised us all, but we made it through. Tomorrow is also my 26th birthday! I am super excited because it just means another day closer to Emory's arrival. I have been told of a variety of "natural" ways to induce labor, such as walking, eating pineapple, etc., etc., so maybe tomorrow I will start trying a few of them and just see if it aids the process any! My dad and brother-in-law got home from Nebraska today so now I feel a lot better about Emory's arrival since they will both be able to be there!

So far I am feeling pretty good. I have good days and bad days. Last night I had my first 9 month pregnant hormonal breakdown. I think I was just overwhelmed and tired. I was a little upset so I went to lay down in the bed and Andy walked in and being the wonderful husband he is started lifting my feet up to prop up on some pillows. I took one look at my swollen feet and burst into tears! He climbed into bed with me and held me and talked to me while I got it all out. I was pretty exhausted and just kept saying, "I'm so tired of being pregnant!" I don't feel that way all the time, but the last month is definitely hard! I'm so thankful for such a loving husband who makes me feel better all the time and really takes care of me! I know he is also so ready for Emory to be here and that it's on both of our minds all the time. Every morning when I wake up he says, "how do you feel this morning?" and throughout the day I'll get a random text from him just asking if I'm feeling okay. I am definitely blessed to have such a great husband!!

We still have some stuff to do around the house that I'd like to tackle this weekend...yeah, right! I keep saying that but it never happens. We'll see! At least Emory's room is done!

I almost forgot to say that so many people, especially at our Sunday school, have been so nice to me lately! I have had various older men tell me that I am just beautiful and have never looked better. I have also had a host of my co-workers and friends tell me how great I look. This has really lifted me up when I feel bad and I'm so thankful for all of my wonderful friends and co-workers!!

That's about all...this post was pretty uneventful, but we are really just watching the time tick away at this point.

Ephesians 5:25
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the ecclesia and gave himself up for her."

Slacker at 37 Weeks

2009-11-02T15:02:00.004-06:00

Yes, I do realize that I'm a slacker. It has been another crazy past few weeks and I haven't posted much at all. I finally took a picture yesterday to document the 37 week milestone mark - officially full term!!

Andy and I have been very busy lately. Between us both working and both being in school as well as try to prepare for Emory, there isn't a lot of time for other things. When I get home from work there is always so much that I want to do but my gigantic swollen feet won't allow it, so many times I have to put those things on hold and sit on the couch for awhile. I guess that would be the perfect time to start blogging but I have also started my last MBA course ever!! In 5 weeks I will be completely finished with my MBA with emphasis in Health Care Management. I'm so excited to be done but also wish that I was in my last week right now so I don't have to wonder how the last 2-4 weeks of class will be with a newborn. I have an amazing family and husband so hopefully I'll pull through just fine and finish up nicely :)

My family has started making bets on Emory's arrival. Andy - 12th, Mom - 15th, Brenna - 16th, Annette - 18th. Andy asked me last night what date I had picked and I just couldn't pick one. I can't do that to myself at this point since I am already so anxious, tired, and hormonal!

The last month of pregnancy is just what I had always heard it was - tough. I have short bursts of nesting energy but they are quickly drained by extreme fatigue. My feet are huge, I can barely walk, there's lots of pressure and random pains. I have started having lots of cramping and lower back pain as well as pressure and occasional contractions. Nothing is consistent, though, and this could definitely go on for a few more weeks until she comes. This week I am trying to finish up all of my work for November. My birthday is Saturday, and after this work week I think I'll be perfectly ready and waiting for her to come since I will be able to take my mind off of work completely!

Andy and I go to the doctor again on Wednesday and I'm excited about this! We are also going tomorrow for our carseat check at ACH.

In other news ... there really isn't any other news. This may be incredibly boring, but being 9 months pregnant completely consumes me and at this point that's pretty much all that I think about!

Here are two pictures taken this weekend. The first is me at 36 weeks 6 days teaching the preschool class at our November gathering. My sister snapped it when I wasn't paying attention, but you can really see my belly :)

This next one is me after meeting on Sunday at 37 weeks. Wow, I look HUGE. That's okay, 'cause I feel huge, too.

Hopefully my next post will be of us in the hospital...but I'll try not to hold my breath :)

Psalms 37:5
"Commit your way to the Lord, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass."

To Vaccinate or Not To Vaccinate?

2009-10-16T13:11:00.002-05:00

So the latest scare in the U.S. is undeniably h1n1, or the "swine flu." I have to admit that I have been so stressed about this strand of the flu, and it especially hit me this week when the vaccinations for pregnant women only became available. I talked with some friends and just kept going back and forth - at first, I was VERY against it. I thought if I could just make it 5 more weeks then I wouldn't have to worry about it, and I had read that it takes a few weeks to get into your system anyway. So, I had pretty much made up my mind that I wasn't going to get the vaccine. After all, all the people I had heard of that had the swine flu were better within days, so what is the big deal?

Then I started hearing reports of the pregnant women that were getting the swine flu. Many are in the hospital, very very sick on ventilators. Some have died along with their unborn babies. Apparently, pregnant women have been getting VERY sick. While some others are getting very sick also, I had only heard of a few bad cases and the rest were fine...until I started hearing about the pregnant women. I was pretty scared about it, especially just thinking that the health department was only giving it out to pregnant women...that made me think in itself.

Today I visited my dr. for my 34 week (although I'm 2 days away from 35 weeks) checkup. Everything is looking great!! I am even able to go down to only checking my blood sugars 2 times a day instead of 4 since they are so good. However, he did not hesitate to tell me to go get vaccinated immediately. I didn't ask a lot of questions because I didn't feel the need to. If my VERY conservative (I'm taking - very conservative - won't even approve 4D ultrasounds because they aren't FDA approved!) doctor is telling me to get the vaccine, then I know it's important.

So, needless to say, Andy and I made a lovely trip to the Pulaski County Health Department and I am praying I didn't pick up hepatitis while I was there... :P We were there about an hour and a half and left feeling like we needed to shower and me with an incredibly sore arm.

But, it's done. I just have to trust God that everything will be fine...but I don't have any regrets. I'd rather get the vaccine then get the h1n1 flu and risk both of our lives. It doesn't make it any scarier, but there are many things in life that are scary...we just have to trust that God will help us through it. So, for all of my friends that were asking - yes, after some of my own research, talking to my doctor, family, and husband, and prayer - if you are pregnant, I think you should totally get the vaccine. That is just my opinion, and I'm not posting that on Facebook unless I'm asked because I don't want to deal with the controversy, but I just can't risk losing my baby or becoming very sick myself.

Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."

"

Time Keeps Ticking Away

2009-10-10T11:14:00.009-05:00

It has gotten so hard to blog these days! Sometimes I feel like there isn't enough time in the day...or energy...to get everything done that needs to be done. Andy and I have been really busy these past two weeks. He has been working on remodeling my grandparent's kitchen floors, my mom had back surgery to try to work on her stenosis and remove two ruptured disks, we've both had school and work and, of course, we are trying to get a few things done at a time around the house to get ready for our little one!

I am 34 weeks tomorrow and I can hardly believe it! I have had more energy this past week and have actually felt good enough to do some cleaning although there is still so much left to do! I can't believe that Emory could come anytime...although I really would like for her to make it to 38 weeks, she could technically make her appearance whenever she would like!

Last Friday Andy and I went to our good friend Ashley's house and did our maternity pictures. Ashley has been a long-time friend and also a family member (by marriage) for years. She has her own photography business (ashleysphotography.ifp3.com) and is such a great and creative photographer! We got some awesome shots that I love...now, to choose a few to get printed will definitely be difficult! She is also going to do our birth and newborn pictures, which we will be thankful for as well.

Here are a couple of our maternity pictures that we love!

We are very blessed to have such a wonderful friend/family member who we feel comfortable with to take such great pictures! Thank you Ashley!

Psalms 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Fatigue, Heartburn, Hormones, Mood Swings, Back Aches, Swollen Ankles...

2009-09-22T17:38:00.009-05:00

...and the list goes on!!! I'm definitely not trying to complain about being 31 1/2 weeks pregnant. I am so happy to be at this point...but I can't wait to be to the finish line!! This week heartburn has taken a prominent role in every evening and it is very uncomfortable. There isn't much you can do about it, either, except take Pepcid and wish it away! I have been a little more tired this week with swollen ankles and occasional back pain as well as moodiness from all of the hormones. I got really down on Sunday about my diabetes but am doing better today.

Today at work I was talking about the diabetes thing with our nurse and she was so caring and sweet! She told me I was doing a great job and better than all of the pregnant women she dealt with that had the diagnosis when she worked at the health department. She said she can tell I am a perfectionist, like she is, and she is very right. She also told me to try to relax and not put so much pressure on myself. It was great to hear and she made me feel a lot better. She is totally right - I'm such a perfectionist and obsessed with making sure I'm eating the right amount of everything and my blood sugars are perfect. This has led to a lot of stress and even some anger, but I'm trying to take a step back and re-evaluate. Only 8 1/2 more weeks! I can do this. If not for me, for Emory!! Another thing that struck me when I was talking to the nurse is that I now understand what other's go through that have diabetes. It is difficult, trying, emotional, and frustrating. It's not fair. I understand that now and have a better understanding of the many out there that sometimes don't eat what they are supposed to.

On a happier note, last Saturday was our first shower at our house! It was such a great experience. The decorations, games, cake, and company were all wonderful! We got some great things also and are so excited. Our next shower is this Saturday and I can't wait!

Here are a couple of pictures of me from the shower.

I also wanted to put a few pictures of the nursery up. We are still doing a few things, like painting the wicker baskets, figuring out stuff to put on the walls (wall art) and getting cushions made for the glider. But, here are a few pictures.

Psalms 100
"Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all ye lands.
Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing.
Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.
Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations."

Living for Another

2009-09-06T18:22:00.004-05:00

I titled this blog what I did because I have, in the last few days, become strangely aware of the lengths that you will go for your children . . . even your unborn ones. I left you with the information that I had failed my first glucose test, and on Wednesday I went back for the three hour, which, I might add, is much worse than the 1 hour. This was a fasting test, so at 8 a.m., on an empty stomach, I had to drink the orange drink containing 100 grams of sugar in 10 minutes. This is enough to make anyone vomit, but the lady drawing my blood with the gold front tooth kept reminding me that if I didn't keep it down I would have to take the test again another day. So I tried my hardest and was successful at absorbing myself in my book for long enough for the feeling to pass. I had blood draws at the beginning, after 1 hour, 2 hours, and 3 hours, and then stumbled off to find some food a.s.a.p.

I found out Thursday morning that I failed my second test which means I have Gestational Diabetes. If you know me well, you know that this was devestating news at first. I have been scared of not passing this test since the very beginning, but I kept telling myself that Registered Dietitians don't get Gestational Diabetes! I was utterly wrong. It is helpful knowing that I didn't necessarily bring this on in any shape or form - though I can contribute it to how crappy I have felt at certain times, such as after a bowl of ice cream.

Anyway, I am supposed to go in next week to the Diabetes Center and - most likely - meet with a dietitian (ironically). It will be good for me since it has been awhile since I've had to think about the basics of diabetes, though I have pulled out my information from college and have a pretty good grasp of my diet changes. It's amazing how things come back to you so quickly - especially when it's you that is the patient. It's also amazing, as I wrote at the beginning of this post, what you will do for your child. In the past three days I have looked past blueberry scones (my favorite), Sister S. rolls, Dr. Pepper, and a variety of other deserts. I have counted everything I've eaten and recorded every detail. The willpower I never thought I had is there in full force, but only because it's not just me that is at stake here.

If you know me, you know I am a carb junky, a lover of all things chocolate, and one that never denies myself for the sake of a few calories. I am a dietitian that believes in moderation and portion control, but not deprivation.

Now that I've ranted enough about that: the nursery is almost finished! I don't want to post pictures just yet, but it looks beautiful. There are still finishing touches to be made and we only have just a few days to get the house ready for one of my showers that is being thrown at my house. I can't wait!

I will leave you with my 29 week picture:

John 3:16
"For God so loveth the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everylasting life."

Getting Ready for Emory - 28 Weeks

2009-08-31T18:49:00.003-05:00

Sigh..yet again I had an entire blog written and ready to come finish today and I just deleted the entire thing. It just didn't seem to fit everything that is going on in my mind today.

I am so thankful to be 28 weeks now. YES I know I have not updated my picture yet...just haven't gotten around to it. I like to try to get those when I look halfway decent which is usually never during the week! Emory is so active now. I have even felt her hiccup, which is definitely so exciting. I went to the doctor yesterday for my landmark 28 week visit. I was so excited because it is the beginning of so many things. For one, I have now entered into the 3rd trimester! Two, I now have to start going to the doctor every 2 weeks, which is another exciting step and I hope it will make the time go by faster. Third, I now get to get measured at each appointment also. He pulled out the measuring tape yesterday and said "you're big enough now that we can measure you" and I thought, "no kidding?!" But it was a neat experience.

Yesterday I also had my glucose test and a CBC drawn. I had to drink the dreaded orange sugar drink and wait an hour and then they drew my blood. As soon as I started drinking the drink, Dr. Garner came in and wanted me to lay down so he could listen to Emory's heartbeat. She immediately responded to the sugar! She kicked at him as he moved the doppler around!

Today I found out that my CBC came back great (meaning - no anemia) but, sadly, I did not pass my glucose test. Grrr...so I have to return tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. for my fasting 3 hour test. I'm a little nervous but just going to take it a step at a time. If I end up failing it means I have gestational diabetes, and if that is the case, I will do whatever I need to do to control it and keep us healthy. If I pass, great, but I still am going to try to watch what I eat. I really don't feel that I eat terrible, but there are times when I probably shouldn't eat that bowl of ice cream or whatever.

Andy has been super busy around the house and in his MBA program at U of A. He has really been on the ball trying to get the house finished and I'm so thankful to have him!

In other news...I have had a rather disappointing day but it's something I'd rather not discuss publicly at this point. I guess life hands you these types of days so you can appreciate the better ones.

Hopefully I will get a new picture posted soon. Just a few more weeks now...and in the meantime, fall is coming!!!

Philippians 4:6
"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

Project E.L.I.

2009-08-13T10:00:00.005-05:00

Below is an exerpt from my friend Jodie's blog.

“Thine eyes did see my substance being yet unperfect, and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.”
(Psalm 139:16)

God has a special plan for each one of us before we are born. Some people live long lives to fulfill God’s plan, while others live only moments. Eli McGinley is one of those who lived only a few days but has made a huge impact on the world around him. He was born August 3 in Little Rock, Ark., with his twin brother Walker and passed away 5 days later on August 8.

Eli was born with spina bifida, a neural tube defect. His parents, Jesse and Jodie, allowed his birth to be videotaped for a documentary on raising a child with spina bifida. Although they never expected their son to be taken by his heavenly father so soon, they knew it was a part of God’s plan. The couple wants Eli’s life to touch many other families. They have donated his organs so that other children can live. The couple has also requested that loved ones donate to the unfinished video project that will now be named E.L.I. (Every Life Inspires).

The goal of the video is to be a source of comfort to families expecting a child with spina bifida. As the McGinley’s know, there are a lot of questions and anxiety that come with the pre-natal diagnosis. They hope their story, as well as the stories of other Arkansans touched by spina bifida will provide strength, comfort and hope to expecting parents.

Donations can be made to Community Connections, a 501(c)3 organization. Checks can be made out to Community Connections/Project: ELI and mailed to 2740 College Ave. Conway, AR 72034. The goal of Community Connections is to positively impact the lives and needs of children and families in Arkansas. The organization offers recreational activities for children with disabilities. For more information http://www.communityconnectionsar.org/.

To make a donation online, please visit http://www.firstgiving.com/elimcginley

Lead Me

2009-08-11T10:40:00.003-05:00

In the dream, my father and I walk out of the thick forest to a huge clearing. All around the clearing stand tall trees that are so thick it is scary to try to look past them as there is nothing but a black abyss. My father and I start walking across the field, holding hands. He is leading me. I am scared; we are all alone in this clearing with scary forests all around. We get close to the other end of the clearing when we spot three huge deer. The deer aren’t really deer, though. They are deer to us, but they look like over-sized dogs. They walk right up to us, not in a friendly way, but I feel okay about it. I notice then that there are carcasses nearby, the skull of a huge animal along with a dead bird of some sort.

We are approaching the side of the clearing and the forest is in front of us. We spot an opening on the side where someone has made a trail, so my father leads me in that direction. However, we also spot two mountain lions in the thick. My father motions for me to be quiet as we enter the brush, heading in the opposite direction from where we spotted the cats. A snap from a branch. The cats turn toward us – we have been spotted. They expose their sharp, white, gleaming teeth. “They know we’re here,” he says; I can tell that this man that is scared of nothing is frightened. I wake up.

I don’t know why I had this dream last night, but I know it means something. While my dreams don’t always mean something, I feel strange about this one. I don’t know if it is the fact that I’m nearing something that I have no idea about in my life – the birth of my firstborn child – or if there is something I am subconsciously scared about that I just don’t realize. I know my father can stand for a variety of things in this dream. He has always been a safety net for me, a strong warrior, scared of nothing. But he is also my father, my second father, as I have another one that leads me throughout my fears as well in a different fashion. Perhaps there can be a spiritual lesson applied to this dream that I had last night – there is a scary, unknown, time ahead, but I am being led by my Father, whom I feel safe with despite the fear, whom I know will lead me in the right direction, away from harm, to safety.

This dream is probably the result of s t r e s s….stress in the form of finances, of my final MBA course, of my husband beginning his MBA, of feeling more exhausted each day as I get bigger, of family issues, of sadness for a friend and what she has been through lately, of excitement and fear regarding the birth of Emory. Of the unknown that lay ahead. Of the events that have led up to this point. Of what could happen…of the way the cards could fall.

The dream is a reminder that I can’t worry about these things. It reminds me of a hymn I can recite by heart that we sing occasionally on Sundays.

Lead me, Lord…Lead me in thy righteousness
Make thy way plain before my face
For it is thou, Lord…thou, Lord only
That makest me dwell in safety.

25 weeks…

Psalms 18:36
"Thou has enlarged my steps under me, that my feed did not slip."

Refuge

2009-08-07T12:37:00.004-05:00

The past few days have been difficult, though I am not, by any means, the one that has is bearing the weight of the situation. A couple of days ago I posted a congratulations to a good friend of mine who gave birth to twin boys on Monday. I know she was so extatic to see her little boys and although there was some uncertainty regarding baby Eli, as he was found to have Spina Bifida, I don't think anyone was prepared for God's decision regarding this little one. Eli was found to have more problems than they had thought, including a brain that did not fully develop, and my friend and her husband were faced with the decision to take Eli off of life support as he would have no quality of life.

Yesterday they took Eli off of life support and this morning he passed away. It is so unfair and hard to grasp that this little one, who is only 4 days old, has now left this life. It's hard to offer comforting words when you can't even comfort yourself and you know the pain is much worse for those experiencing it. It's hard for me to find the right words to say to my family and friends that have asked how my friend is that was having twins, since I talk about her often in reference to my own pregnancy.

I spent a lot of time thinking Wednesday night about the decision that they had to make and how in one of her latest blogs, my friend expressed her fear of giving birth this first week of August, as 21 years ago her father passed away during this week, and one year ago she lost her second child through a miscarriage this week. My thoughts also raced back to the recent blog that said that my dear friend and her husband were donating Eli's organs in hopes that another struggling baby would survive. This got me thinking about the plans that God has that are clearly nothing that we have for ourselves. It made me think about how God gives us so much and He also takes away. It made me think of the circle of life, of her father dying 21 years ago as well as her second miscarriage, and now she has lost her third child. But, I also thought, in wonder, about the twin that is surviving. I thought about how he will never know his brother that he shared a tiny space with for 9 months and how he will only be a story that is told when he gets older. I thought about how he is truly a miracle.

It is hard to think about for anyone, but I think the fact that I am now approaching 7 months of pregnancy in the next few weeks, it has hit even harder than ever. I can't imagine saying good-bye when you have hardly gotten to say hello. She will go home and be faced with the overwhelming fact that what was once a nursery decorated for two will now only be for one. She will be faced with reminders that he is not there.

I can only pray that she will also be faced with reminders that his short life changed her and her family and that she is blessed with the miracle of another child, a twin that survived, along with the memory of Eli. I can only hope that with time she will know that she made the right decision during this bitter sweet first week of August. I can only imagine how strong the past two years have made her, and how God is working in her life. I hope and pray that this is only a strengthener of her faith and that she will understand that God will continue to be her rock and refuge during this time.

I feel like I have so much to say, but no way to say it...so I will just sign off and ask that everyone keep this family in your thoughts. Keep in mind how blessed we are...how it can so easily be taken away...and take the time to be thankful and tell those that you love how you feel.

Psalm 18:2
"The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the hornof my salvation, my stronghold."

Pregnancy Hormones or Just Stupid People?

2009-08-05T15:27:00.010-05:00

What a week..! and it is only Wednesday!

I am battling a wide variety of emotions this week. I am stressed out, tired, anxious, and happy all at the same time. I have been working on my final projects for my Advanced Healthcare Administration class and my Capstone (FINAL course) class this week and it has proven to be exhausting. I am so ready to be done with these classes! My Capstone course is pretty tough, so I will be so relieved when I finish. Tomorrow starts week 6 of 6 and I am so incredibly relieved...or I will be, when my final projects are turned in.

I am so tired this week. I have started getting up at least one or two times a night now. As soon as I lay down my sweet Emory starts livin' la vida loca in my belly, which I don't mind, but it does make for an early morning. Also, we have now hit our yearly flea infestation.

Yes, that is right. FLEAS!

I hate fleas! We got them last year in the middle of the summer. We finally had the pest people come out and bomb our house and yard in order to get rid of them, which worked wonders, but we were so hoping they wouldn't come back this year. Unfortunately, they have, and with vengeance! I am so paranoid now and I always feel like they are crawling on me, which is an absolute dreadful feeling!! Andy took the dogs to the vet today and got them flea pills to take and he is supposed to call and set up the flea bomb for this week. We don't really have the money to be spending on this situation right now, but I'd rather eat Easy Mac every day then have fleas hopping on me!

Good news: Andy got accepted into the U of A MMBA program. I am excited, but a little nervous! It's a very rigorous program. He is required to go up to Fayetteville once a month for class, which isn't bad, but I know he will be really busy the next two years if he is able to land a full time job, be in school full time, and also have a newborn. But we will make it happen. The program is the best MBA program in the state so we are both very eager to see how this affects our future.

Bad news: I am incredibly touchy this week for some reason. I keep wondering if it is because I am full-fledged pregnant or if it's really the stupidity of other people. For instance, today I had to go to Drug Emporium in Little Rock (Yes - they did have a shooting in this area a few weeks ago) to buy some special food for some of our kiddos on special diets. I was walking out and about to cross into the parking lot. I stopped and looked both ways as the two women next to me did, when a loud scrreeeeeeaaaccchhh sounded. We all jumped back to see a ghetto girl in a ghetto car kicking some guy out of her passenger seat and yelling obscenities that I shudder thinking my unborn child could possibly hear. Terrified, the three of us attempted to cross into the parking lot, having seen that the ghetto girl was stopped and kicking the ghetto boy out of her car, when she scccreeeeacccchhheeed and floored it, zooming past us right as we crossed the street. All the while, she was yelling out the window, gold grill gleaming in the August sun, "Y'all call the po-leece! Call the po-leece on him!"

Needless to say, I ran to my car and shut my door and zoomed away. Honestly, I was shaking a little. Who knows what these crazy people can do? I am also a bit more scared - of everything - now that I am pregnant. I have always been the type of person to take on huge projects by myself, not realizing how small I really am, such as moving heavy objects or climbing on high ladders or whatnot. Now, the thought of getting on a ladder terrifies me only because there's a possibility I could fall.

So, I am learning what my new limits are at this point. It is quite obvious that I have some specific limits by looking at me. Below is my 24 week picture...actually 24 weeks 2 days.

I feel so not pretty in this picture. I have had to upgrade to bigger scrub pants and bigger shirts in order to not reveal my belly when I move around. However, you can clearly see my belly, along with our new wall treatment in the kitchen. It is a linen-type treatment.

I also have some pictures of Emory's room. The paint is *almost* done!

This is my lovely husband, very late at night, obviously excited that he finished the stripes on the walls.

Picture of the walls and bookcases. The bookcases, of course, are going to be cleaned out...as soon as we can figure out where to put all the books. I am not leaving the books in there, please rest assured! Notice the crib FULL of hand-me-down clothes and new clothes our friends and family have already given us!

The top is a very very pale pink - Baby's Basinnet, and the bottom is a pearl translucent paint with pink mixed in alternating with the color of the trim, an off-white. The pink is shimmery, but you can't really tell in the pictures.

So, we are making progress. I'm a little nervous about Andy starting school because he will be busy again - and we still need to finish painting the kitchen, finish the living room, make our headboard, finish the hall and nursery and extra bedroom and paint the crown in the bathroom and he wants to paint the bedroom and....

The list goes on and on. We will see how it all turns out. I'm sure once school is over I'll get restless and start doing all kinds of crazy things.

That is my update for the week. OH! I do want to announce that my friend, Jodie, had her twin boys on Monday. I am so happy for her! She was exactly 36 weeks along, which is significant for twins. Eli and Walker are doing great. Walker had to be put on oxygen when he was born as he was having slight trouble breathing, and Eli, as you may remember from my previous posts, has Spina Bifida. He was taken right away to Arkansas Children's Hospital for surgery. I haven't heard how that is all going, so please keep them in your prayers!

Until next week -

Joshua 1:9

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest."

23 Weeks

2009-07-26T15:48:00.005-05:00

I wrote a huge post about a week ago but deleted the entire thing. So much can happen in a week, even little things that change your outlook on everything.

This week is 23 weeks - and 22 weeks was hard! I made my monthly work trip to Batesville and Mt. Home this week and realized that the trip is getting harder and harder each month. It took me an entire day to recover. Not to mention that I set home on Wednesday with a 3 hour drive ahead of me and realized my scrub pants were cutting off my circulation. I almost had to pull over, it was so uncomfortable, but I made it home and promptly went and got new scrub pants the next day! I am excited to not have to suffer anymore with pants that are cutting into me!

But that means, yes, that I am growing quite a bit (of course!). My good friend Rachael that lives a few houses down brought some maternity clothes down for me to borrow and I am so excited! She also introduced us to her 4 (now 5) week son, Weston, and gave us the low-down on how life with a newborn has been for her.

Andy spent the past 2 weeks nesting (yes - nesting!). I came home one day to him cleaning out the entire attic and some of the closets! I was so excited that he tackled this because it has been something on my "To-Do" list forever now, except now Andy refuses to let me climb up into the attic or on a ladder to get up in some of the closets. He also began painting Emory's room as well as ... the kitchen! We have had the kitchen paint for probably 6 months at least. I think seeing my growing belly has made him more anxious to get going! I think, also, since he has had some time off of school, he has had the motivation to get some of the projects done that we have been thinking about.

I'm feeling great and can't complain, though the 20 weeks are going a lot slower than I'd like. I think part of this is that for the past two years, I have taken a vacation in July or August, which is when I start to get burned out at work. So, I'm eager to have the baby for obvious reasons but also because I am craving some time to regroup - as well as to enjoy the holiday season, which I can't wait for!

So...here is a new list of things that I am discovering about pregnancy.

1) Men nest, too! Who can complain about this!?

2) Pregnancy advice never ends, and most of it is quite obvious. YES, I realize that I will be busy when I have the baby and will want to eventually get out of the house, but NO, that does not mean I still don't want a break from working full time and being in school!

3) I have realized why pregnant women and pedicures go hand in hand...when I painted my toenails about 2 weeks ago, I realized it would probably be the last!

4) The bigger this little one gets, the harder she kicks! And, she has discovered how to kick my bladder...which gives me instant feeling that I have to pee.

5) It is amazing what cute clothes can do for a pregnant woman's confidence!

I'm sure there are more, but my brain is a little frazzled right now. Here are some recent pictures.

22 weeks 5 days. This is not a good picture, taken after a day of cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning!

23 weeks! Still looking tired.

Isaiah 41:10
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

Halfway to Being a Mommy

2009-07-10T14:24:00.005-05:00

Well, a little more than halfway as I will officially be 21 weeks in just two days; however, this week I am 20 weeks and halfway there!! I am so excited to make it this far and am discovering new and exciting things all the time that are making me even more excited for the future. Wednesday Andy and I went for our 20 week ultrasound and check-up. It was exciting but not as exciting as our last two ultrasounds since we already knew that we were having a little girl. We did tell the ultrasound technician that we had already had one from a friend and that we were pretty confident it was a girl. She went right to the area, found the "parts" and confirmed again that it is a little girl. She also did a quite in-depth look at her head, spine, kidneys, bladder, heart, and extremeties and said everything looks good and that from all we can see now there are no abnormalities.

It was so neat to see Emory on the screen this time because I could actually see AND feel her at the same time! I saw her punch my stomach a few times. She loves to keep her arms up around her face and eyes and even in a "boxer" kind of motion. She also kind of yawned at one point and smacked her lips a few times again. It is so neat to really see her in there, but at the same time a little bitter sweet since she is "so close but so far away" for lack of a better cheesy term.

I was especially interested this appointment in my weight gain since I have grown A LOT in the past week. Over the 4th of July weekend Andy and I really noticed my protruding belly and now it just seems to get bigger and bigger. I had gained a total of 13 pounds and Dr. Garner said this was a great weight gain for how far along I am. I then had to (ugh) get another Pap Smear since I am on a 6 month rotation after my previous diagnosis and removal of cervical dysplasia.

Besides that update, all is about the same. This week our cook has been out at work and so we have been trading off between 2-3 people covering the responsibilities. I had one disaster this week that almost set off the fire alarms, but we were able to get the smoke cleared out before they went off (thank heavens). It only smelled like burned food for about 4-5 hours :P I am so happy our cook will be back on Monday! Cooking for 90-100 children is not easy!

Overall, I'm feeling great this week and ready for the next 20! (almost 19). Tomorrow we are going to register and are very excited about this. I am also in week 2 of 6 weeks of my two classes; these are my last two of the program that are mandatory. The two I have signed up for this fall are electives, so I don't think I will feel as pressured as I do now.

Below are my two 20 week pictures, though they were taken today at 20 weeks 5 days.

Growing more and more every day! Sorry this blog is a bit boring...hopefully more interesting things will come in the next few weeks. Until then, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Psalms 1:24
"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD."

Liberated but Uncertain

2009-06-30T16:33:00.009-05:00

Here I am again, world.

Today has been an event filled day for me concerning my personal life. As I have told some of you, I have decided to deactivate my Facebook account for personal reasons. I won't go into specifics, but I will say that I feel people have been very hateful to me, my family, and other people that are very close to me through Facebook posts, comments, etc. Most of it is family related, but I just feel that it is uncalled for and the public nature of all of it really makes me upset. I am not a super-private person, but I do like some privacy, and Facebook is NOT the place to argue with family or post one-sided slanderings.

Facebook makes it easy to share your lives and your feelings. However, it also makes it easy to openly slander others and say hurtful things to other people. You never know who may take offense to something, and so it is very important to hold your tongue, even when someone says something hurtful to you first. A big reason I decided to deactivate my account was my way of putting "holding my tongue" into surety. Our human will makes us want to say things to defend ourselves and sometimes that can be disastrous. I am trying to learn from others' recent mistakes and to hold my tongue better, as we are told to do in Psalms.

I may return to the Facebook world. It's kind of sad, in a way. I can remember being in graduate school (the first time) in 2005, sitting in my apartment when my friend Adam set up my Facebook account. He was the first to write on my wall. He said "Hi, I'm sitting at your computer right now" or something. I have always enjoyed Facebook and it is sad that something family related has driven me from it. But I have way more important things to worry about right now. . .not to mention, I was spending way too much of my time checking on people and reading people's updates, etc.

I write under the heading of Liberated because I do feel liberated. Facebook has been weighing on me lately - I know that sounds crazy, but we have had some things happen to where I felt convicted to delete some "friends" and I have felt very uncomfortable about it since then. I write under the heading of Uncertain because...that describes the rest of my life right now.

I am uncertain about the future right now. We are still waiting on Andy to hear back from the many jobs he has applied for and it has been a major stress for us. I just ask that you guys please keep us in your prayers so he can find a stable salary-paying job. This commission stuff is just not cutting it, especially in this economy. I am uncertain because I am almost 20 weeks pregnant and am needing to think about maternity leave, but finances have us in a bind.

I keep telling myself to just take a step back and remember my last post - what matters, what doesn't - as well as to not think about tomorrow, which God commands us to do. It's so hard not to think or worry about tomorrow!! It's impossible! . . . but isn't it said that all things are possible with Christ? To not worry about the future is possible? To not wonder how the bills will get paid and how the credit card company just raised their interest rate??

This is something we will get through, inevitably, and I will look back and say, "remember that time...?" Right now it seems huge and daunting and suffocating, but one day when it comes to this area I will hopefully feel Liberated as well.

I don't want to make this post completely depressing so I will say that on a lighter note, we have decided to name our baby girl Emory Ryan Arnold. It took forever for Andy to finally be okay with announcing this. I have loved the name Emory for months now, even before I was pregnant, and really didn't have any other girl names picked out except for that. Andy liked the name Ryan for a girl, so we just decided to put them together. We are very happy with the name!

On Thursday we had another ultrasound with Carolyn to make sure we were, indeed, having a girl. She got some awesome pictures again! Emory was smacking her lips and sort of smiling, lifting up her arms, and really squirming around this time!

My 18 week picture...this was taken a little over a week ago...growing daily!!

Here are some pictures of our crib that we picked up on Friday. I was so excited to find a beautiful crib on Craigslist for a great price!! I had been looking at this collection for the nursery anyway at Kids Furniture but it was super expensive. When I saw the listing on Craigslist I immediately emailed the lady about it and she was so sweet to hold it for us until we had our ultrasound to confirm that we were having a girl. Thanks to my mom for buying the crib for us...it is so special to me already!

That is all I have for now. Hopefully now that I'm not on Facebook so much I can update this blog more! Soon to follow - 20 week picture and update :)

Psalms 141:3
Set a guard, O Lord, before my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips.

Things That Matter, Things That Don't

2009-06-16T22:52:00.003-05:00

I was on the road today and am now laying in my hotel bed reflecting on all of my thoughts from today. I was driving to Mt. Home listening to the new Rascal Flatts CD when I heard a song entitled "Things That Matter." I was automatically blown away by the lyrics in the song and it made me think about all of my worries, frustrations, and anger towards certain things that I have yet to move on from. I had been thinking before the song came on about how hurtful some things in life are, and more specifically, how hurtful some people can be to you. I was thinking how crazy it is that you can have a long-term relationship with someone that ends badly and you can only remember the horrible things that person said and did to you, but not the positive. I was thinking about how powerful words and actions are, and how they stick with people. I was thinking how awfully hard it is to forget a negative word...or remember a positive one.

Then the song came on, and all of the thoughts that I was mulling around slipped away. I will share the first verse here:

Sometimes he lets that boss get in his head
He can’t see past that mountain of deadlines on his desk
5 o'clock he’s that last one out of the gate
And he gets cut off, flipped off, ticked off... out on the interstate
And he wonders why this world won’t leave him alone
Till he hears that little voice holler, “daddy’s home”
Things that matter...
Things that don’t.

This made me really think about my life and put it in perspective. I have been really stressed out about things revolving around the baby (childcare, Pediatricians, maternity leave, etc). I have really been struggling with things at work and wondering what God wants of me and what He is going to use me for in this world. I have been stressed about my actions and words, and the way I present myself to others . . . as well as being worried about job situations for my husband.

And then I thought, does it matter? We are told not to think about tomorrow and not to worry about what is to come . . . so why do I find myself contemplating all of these issues that are days, weeks, months away? Why do I not take more time to focus on the NOW . . . on the fact that I have a wonderful, loving husband, a very tough set of classes that I am learning so much from, and the wonderful feeling of feeling by baby kick inside me for the first time?

I am working on myself, which is a never ending process. I am trying to remind myself throughout the day what matters and what doesn't. In ten years, will I remember this day? Will I remember the ugly work e-mail from a co-worker? Will I remember how frustrating and tiring working full time is, or what a supposed "friend" said to me out of spite?

I don't have a lot of energy to say much else, but I urge you to think this thought throughout your day and see if it makes a difference to you.

Things that matter, things that don't.

Matthew 6:25-34
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

It's a....GIRL!

2009-06-05T15:51:00.006-05:00

Yesterday we visited our long-time friend Carolyn who is an Ultrasound Tech. Carolyn was so happy to let us do an early Ultrasound to try and find out what we were having, and after some awesome shots she concluded that she is 95% sure that it's a G I R L!

We are so excited about this news. Of course, we still are going to have some follow-up ultrasounds to make sure, but the pictures we got are very clear and there is no "hot dog"! Baby girl Arnold was very active and wiggling around quite a bit. I wish I could feel her moving like she was in there, but that will come soon enough.

Here is a picture:

Unfortunately, I scanned a lot of the pictures as TIFF files which aren't uploading right. But, you get the point.

When we left the hospital, I called my mom to tell her and it was so neat to hear her excitement for her first grandbaby girl. We got in the car and Andy handed me two girly outfits that he had bought that day! He is so sweet and thoughtful, he went and bought girl and boy clothes so he could have something to give me when we found out. I was so excited and felt so lucky to have such a wonderful husband.

Our baby girl name is pretty much picked out, but I want to make sure Andy feels comfortable with it before I tell the world. I think he is very aware of what a big decision it is! :)

Anyway, that is all I have for now. I will keep everyone updated and hopefully post a 16 week picture in the next few days. Until then...

Genesis 1:22
"God blessed them and said, 'Be fruitful and increase in number and fill the water in the seas, and let the birds increase on the earth.'"

14 Ain't So Friendly

2009-05-27T18:58:00.006-05:00

This week I am celebrating 14 weeks of pregnancy. I wish I could say I was so extactic about this fact, but I haven't had much energy to think that way. Monday (Memorial Day) I was blessed with waking up at 8 a.m. to a stomach virus, which left me in bed until 7 p.m. with a bucket by my side and my wonderful husband bringing me Gatorade and popsicles. Needless to say, it was not pleasant and I didn't eat for about a day and a half!!

However, I am making up for that now.

Here is a 14 week shot. Between week 13 and 14 I grew so much!! I am so excited because it is so real now.

Lord willing, we will go to meet our friend Carolyn, who works as an Ultrasound Tech, on JUNE 8 to find out if this little one will be in pink or blue!! Of course, this is only providing the baby is positioned right, but we are *so* excited and so thankful to have a friend that is happy to share this with us and give us a sneak peek!! Just F.Y.I. . . that is only one and a half weeks away!

Onto other news, I am surviving school so far, but it ain't easy. I have 3 more weeks left of the first block...man, it goes by so fast. I am somehow managing, although right now I really should be working on my final projects instead of blogging.

My husband has started remodeling the right side of the house, which will include the nursery, the guest bath, and the mother and mother-in-law suite :). Our extra bedroom is a DiSaStEr...so we decided to completely remodel it and the bathroom to make it very inviting for the many guests we will be thankful to have this Thanksgiving and Christmas, including some close friends from Texas hopefully. Our bathroom is almost finished, but here is a teaser :)

I have a lot of energy this afternoon (yay!) so I am off to finish cleaning (which is SUCH a chore when you are pregnant...things just pile up and up and up and finally you get this BOOM of energy!). Thanks to everyone for your support and advice, you are amazing!!

Psalms 127:3
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

Happy Mother's Day at 12 Weeks!

2009-05-10T19:29:00.004-05:00

I was somewhat surprised at the "Happy Mother's Day" comments I got today. I guess I never considered the fact that although I have yet to change diapers and clean up puke and wipe tears, I am now a mother! The feeling is very new to me, somewhat scary, but I am definitely embracing it. It still doesn't feel real.

A quick note to express how much I appreciate my own mother and the many other women in my life. I am blessed to be around strong, faithful, independent, loving women who have shaped me into who I am today. Although sometimes they each drive me a little crazy, I am so blessed to have their example. I am so proud of both my own mother and sister, who somehow have managed to raise kids and put their families first all while working stressful full-time jobs. I just wanted to write a few words of thanks to the amazing women in my life.

Now, one of my 12 week pictures. I was a little leery about taking a picture without my shirt covering my belly, but I decided to go for it. Here I am at exactly 12 weeks!!

Wow, from this point I look HUGE. And, I know it's silly, but I feel huge!! Most of my jeans are so uncomfortably tight at this point and I'm in the stage where I look more like I've eaten too many Snickers than being pregnant. I think it's pretty common to feel this way at this point. Although I don't look forward to waddling and being HUGE, I do look forward to getting closer to the baby being here and also for people to actually know I'm expecting and not just eating too much :)

Now, a quick run-down of my recent thoughts on pregnancy.

Things I love about being pregnant:

1. How wonderful my husband is to me! He is always wonderful, but he understands when I am tired, hungry, or moody. He is quick to help me if I need help and very understanding.

2. Babycenter updates. I LOVE these! I get so excited when I see the e-mail that says "Update: 12 weeks" or whatever. It is SO neat learning what size the baby is and what is happening in my body that week. Today I learned that Baby Arnold is now the size of a lime! His/Her reflexes are formed now as well and although I can't feel it move, if I were to prod my belly, it would respond by kicking around. I love that thought and can't wait until I CAN feel it!

3. Other people's excitement. It is so neat that people that aren't even close friends are excited for Andy and I and excited for baby to come.

4. Identifing with other mothers. This is neat because naturally, when you start to get older, friends and co-workers and family members start going through the joys of pregnancy and although you support them and are excited, it doesn't really register with you. Going through it yourself puts everything in a very real and very personal aspect. Although I still have a long way to go, I love that I can discuss what is going on with my body with other mothers. It is funny that gas, indigestion, and boob size are now just common topics for discussion!

5. Miracles that are happening!! I guess I realized right away what a miracle a growing fetus is. At 4 weeks the 4 chambers of the heart were already being formed. Thanks to the previously mentioned Babycenter updates, I am constantly aware of the organs being formed VERY early in pregnancy and how quickly this happens. Did you know that at just 12 weeks the baby's kidneys are starting to excrete urine into it's bladder? Simply amazing.

Now, for the things that I miss about not being pregnant!

1. Energy! Although, thankfully, my energy is starting to return, it has been weeks since I've really felt energized! Everything you read is so big on exercise during pregnancy, and I am just now starting to feel like that may be possible. For the past 8 weeks I have thought whoever thought that concept up was simply insane, or must be a man! :) I did find myself actually CLEANING my house the other night - complete with spending an entire hour scrubbing a (very nasty) shower (that my husband insisted was not so bad...we have very different views on cleanliness!).

2. Ceasar salad. I really miss these. I guess I'm not supposed to eat it because it has raw eggs and anchovies. Bummer :(. This will be one of the first things I attack after birth!!

3. Regularity. I know this may be gross to some, but pregnancy brings a host of indigestion, gas, and constipation. It's just not cool and very uncomfortable.

4. The occasional margarita. This may sound bad, but really it's not! I am not a drinker and hardly ever drink, but sometimes a strawberry margarita sounds really good! This is not a huge deal to me though, and the only time I even think about it is when we are out at a fancy restaurant for dinner (like our 2 year anniversary on Cinco de Mayo!).

5. Painting/Other household improvements. I know this is debatable, but Andy is adament that I not partake in any painting. This has been pretty crappy since I have been off of school for the past 2 weeks and we are remodeling and re-painting rooms. I really wanted to tackle the kitchen that has been ready to paint for about 2 months now, but he's not allowing it. I guess I should embrace this instead of miss it :)

I think that's about it for now. School starts on THURSDAY so there's a chance it will be a few weeks before I can post again. For all of the mothers and mothers-to-be out there...happy YOU day!!

Proverbs 31:28

"Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her."

Life At 11 Weeks

2009-05-05T19:55:00.004-05:00

I decided to go ahead and update again since I start school a week from Thursday again and may drown in my classes. This semester is my last "hard" semester, but boy is it going to be HARD! I'm taking Quantitative Business Analysis along with Ethics in Legal Environment in the first block and my Capstone (final course - Corporate Planning) and Advanced Healthcare Management in my second block. I am not looking forward to QBA and I know I will be very busy in the next few weeks.

Andy encouraged me to take two more health care electives in the fall. If I do this, I will have an MBA with an emphasis in health care management. I feel this is a good decision also and...two more classes seems like nothing to me right now! Not after taking 2 at a time. I will only need to take 1 each block which will be a breeze compared to what I've been taking!

In other news, Andy graduates May 16...next weekend!! We are so so excited and I am so proud of him. He is not close to being done since he plans to finish his HR or Accounting degree (I'm not sure which he has decided) as well as pursue an MBA...BUT, I am so proud to say that he has finished his degree in just two years. What an awesome feat!! All while working full time. He is such a hard working husband!

In pregnancy news - I am feeling great at 11 weeks. Last weekend I had to buy a belly band to cover my unbuttoned pants and also a couple of shirts. I feel great though; a lot of the fatigue has gone away and I don't feel like I'm starving all the time. There are some rough moments at work when I am extremely tired, but overall I am doing well! I can't believe that in just 2 short weeks I will be moving into the second trimester! And just two months until we will find out if we will be decorating in pink or blue :)

Next week I will post my 12 week picture. I can't believe it has almost been a month since we went to the doctor! I will be going to the doctor again next Wednesday and I ask that everyone keep us in your prayers for a healthy report.

And, finally, a big happy congratulations to K and her fiance who made it safely back from Africa and, after being separated for a year and a half, are now happily MARRIED! God really does answer prayers - in His own time and His own way.

Matthew 21:22
"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive."

"But I have nothing to wear!"

2009-04-25T16:20:00.004-05:00

So, I really shouldn't be blogging right now. I have finals this week and a huge 12 page paper to write on ratio analysis (really?!) but I just had to share my weekend discoveries.

If there is one thing I have been worried about, it's gaining too much weight during pregnancy. I don't know why this is a fear of mine, but I have been SO hungry and often guilty about satisfying cravings that hit me randomly (nothing in particular, though there does seem to be a theme: SALT. Yes, I know, not good but I'm trying!). The weight gain has been in the back of my mind often. I have discussed this concern with my sister who repeatedly tells me not to worry, but I keep recalling a conversation we had a few months ago when I asked her when she started growing out of her jeans with her first baby and she said, around 14-15 weeks. I have been anxiously watching mine to make sure they still fit.

Now, weight gain for me is hard to gauge because I wear scrubs all week...so, the last time I put on a pair of jeans was last weekend. Well, yesterday I came home from work and piddled around the house and then fell asleep on the couch. I woke up at 5 and realized that I had to be dressed and ready to go to Andy's Honors ceremony by 5:20. I frantically ran into the closet and tried on a pair of dress pants that I had been thinking would make the perfect outfit for the ceremony, slightly dressy but not too dressy.

They didn't fit!!!

I could get them on, but they were so uncomfortably tight. So I tried another pair, and another, and quickly realized all of my dress pants don't fit. I yelled out to Andy that I had nothing dressy to fit and he asked about a dress. I quickly realized I hadn't shaved my legs, so I proceeded to lotion shave (ouch) and throw on a dress that...again, barely fit.

I just had to share this with everyone because I was so shocked that I would grow out of my jeans so soon!! Although you can't really "tell" that I'm pregnant, it is becoming more and more obvious from day to day. I consulted with my friend Rachael, who is around 32 weeks now, who informed me to purchase a belly band a.s.a.p. so I can keep wearing my jeans. What a wonderful invention! Definitely something I have to purchase soon.

Many of you have seen this pic, but here was my 9 week picture. I think I'm going to wait to do another until 12 weeks, just because you will be able to see a pretty pronounced difference.

I will be sure to update new pictures as they come.

Now off to start on homework...or maybe take a nap. :)

James 1:17

"Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning."

Open Heart

2009-04-19T22:06:00.003-05:00

It is past 10 on a Sunday and I have yet to even start getting ready for bed, which I will most definitely regret tomorrow morning. I have had a lot on my mind tonight that I just can't sort through unless I get it down on paper (or screen). Please bear (bare?) with me as I get these thoughts out. They may not make much sense because my feelings right now don't.

First of all, I am very happy right now. I know this, in part, is due to extreme bursts of happy hormones, but I am overwhelmed with happiness towards my wonderful husband, towards the fact that I am carrying a precious little one, and for all we have. Andy has been working for the past week on a beautiful deck and pergola that we are so excited about. His parents are buying us some patio furniture for Andy's graduation present (in THREE WEEKS!) and I am anxiously awaiting being able to sit outside in a lawnchair in the summer and read my books!! The thought makes me extremely happy.

On the way to my parent's house tonight Andy and I discussed our school loans. It is looking like when we both get out, our payments will be a huge lump sum each month- yes, just for school loans. I know that we won't ever regret continuing our education, but it is a huge payment, almost the size of our mortgage. This thought really freaked me out. I have already been a little freaked out by the extra $225 we have to pay EVERY month for the next seven months at each OB visit, but the thought of the school loan payment made me ill, especially since I will be getting out of school as I start my third trimester, which means that I will need to start paying on my school loans shortly after that.

Anyway, that was weighing heavy on my mind as well as the many things we need to buy for the nursery. These are all things that are so exciting and that I know we will be happy with, but I have been slightly freaking out about all of the extra costs...but, I knew a baby was expensive!!!

So on the way home my thoughts went back to someone I once was close to. This person had everything handed to them throughout life and still does. They have really been fed from a silver spoon their entire life, and this thought has been a sore spot for me. My feelings are so jumbled about this and it really upsets me that I am really struggling with being happy for this person. I want to be happy for them, but I find it so hard to be when Andy and I work so hard for what we have and truly appreciate all we have and this person is given everything and has little to worry about (financially). I asked Andy in the car if he ever struggles with being happy for someone, and he explained that it is hard sometimes but you have to remove yourself from the situation and just try not to think about it.

It is difficult. I want to be happy for them, and I feel that I could be happy for them 100% if I knew they really understood the gifts they were given and were appreciative of them...but I don't know that. What if they could care less? What if they feel they deserve it and that it's no big deal? What if they were hit with a huge monthly school loan payment...how would they feel then?

I prayed on the way home for God to heal my heart and to make me realize that I am blessed beyond measure in so many ways that this person is not. I just want to be truly happy for them - as well as for everyone else that I come into contact with...but how is it possible? How do you get past your own hurt and struggles to feel really joyful for someone else?

I know there is no good answer for this...I know that the answer lies deep in a variety of red and black words that I always seem to find comfort in. I just wonder...will I ever get past this feeling, especially when we are struggling with financial issues? Sure, I can learn to be happy for other people when I get my bills paid off and we are living the high life with a huge house and fancy cars...but what about until then (or...forget the first part, since I don't know if that will ever happen)?

I will continue to thank God daily for our blessings, for our beautiful marriage and the amazing child we are being blessed with and the ability to own our house and be independent. I will continue to pray for forgiveness for the feelings that I am struggling with, and will also continue to ask God to give me an open heart and learn to be honestly happy for those around me. I will also ask that I can continue to be happy and never forget how blessed we really are...I will pray that God will show true appreciation for the person mentioned above and hope that they really do understand what all they have, and never take it for granted.

Luke 15:25-32
"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'
"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'
"My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'"

His Plans

2009-04-13T21:35:00.004-05:00

I have waited for so long it seems to type out this post. The words have been forming in my head for four weeks, and for four weeks my fingers have itched to make the announcement to my friends. Most of you, if not all of you, know by now that Andy and I are expecting our first child November 22, 2009! This is the most wonderful, thrilling, surprising, and scary thing I have ever been through, but I am trying to take one day at a time and be thankful for each stomach cramp, wave of nausea, and each time I go back for seconds at dinner. At four weeks, I was feeling pretty good. Five weeks I started to feel extremely fatigued and crampy, and six weeks bought on the nausea. However, eight weeks has been great so far!

Today we went to the doctor and were so happy to hear a great report from Dr. Garner. The baby is measuring exactly 8 weeks 1 day, which is exactly how far along I am, and the heart rate was 174 beats per minute. Dr. Garner was happy to see everything was going smoothly, especially after my two scary surgeries I had in the past year. He did say that we would have to do an extra pap smear since Dr. Bandy (the Oncology Specialist) recommended every 6 month screens. Andy and I were so excited to see the baby on the ultrasound and so excited to be able to finally tell the world of our news.

For those of you who haven't seen them: here is one of our pictures:

It is a little blurry, but Baby Arnold is in there, only a little less than an inch long!

So, in just four weeks I have learned a great deal about pregnancy. Below is a list of things that are hard to do during pregnancy.

Sleep. Yes. I am so tired, and I sleep during the day because I'm exhausted, but then I lay in bed waiting to fall asleep, or I wake up randomly in the middle of the night in a sweat due to nightmares. I have had all sorts of nightmares; I read that this is somewhat normal during pregnancy, but it sure does leave for a restless night.

Drive. No, let me rephrase this. Driving is almost impossible. Is this due to pregnancy hormones, or is every driver completely incompetent?

Go to Wal-Mart. Okay, this is hard anyway. But it is extremely hard when you are starving all of the time, the place is crowded, people are rude, smells make you sick, and people are outside blowing cigarrette smoke in your face. A friend at work told me a hilarious story about her being pregnant and passing by a lady in Wal-Mart and the lady smelled so bad that my friend had to leave the store. No one else could smell her, but because of my friend's heightened sense of smell, it was bad. Well, I had that same experience two weeks ago. I passed by a woman that was so overpowering that I couldn't take it. I was able to make it past her and to another area, but it was tough.

Work. This is mostly because I am so tired, so hungry, and so moody. I am usually okay until about noon, when I start getting extremely tired. People tend to get on my nerves more than normal, so that has been tough dealing with. There is one person that particularly drives me insane that will remain nameless. I try to laugh it off instead of blow my top!

Eat. Why is this hard? I am so hungry all the time, but I also am kind of sick at the thought of some foods. Sometimes something looks so delicious until I try to eat it, and then I am totally turned off by it. Or, I will be just fine and all of the sudden it hits me! I have to EAT! If I wait too long, I eat way too much and then it makes me ill all over again.

These are just a few of my pregnancy woes so far, but every bit is a joyride. I am so thankful for what God has blessed us with.

I also don't want to make this blog completely about me. I want to say a big thanks to a friend of mine that I care about deeply. I have worked with J for awhile, but we never really talked much until she sent me the link to her blog one fateful day. Her blog posts brought happiness, sadness, tears, and thought as I read through her battle with infertility and the joyful news that after a long battle, her and her husband were finally expecting TWINS!

Last week, J and her husband found out that they are having two beautiful twin BOYS! They also were given the news that one baby has special needs, most likely in the form of Spina Bifida, as he has a lemon shaped head, fluid on his brain, and a crooked spine. After reading the news, I spent the better part of the night crying and praying for J and her husband. What surprising news to be given - but notice, I didn't say bad news.

J is such an inspiration to me. She is so faithful and knows that this is God's will and that she was chosen to have this baby. After reading her recent updates and seeing her beautiful spirit, I admire her and her husband even more. They are so sure that although this was never their plan, it is God's, and we can never argue with something so perfect. They will be wonderful parents and their two boys will be the most loved and protected children. I ask that you please pray for J and her family as they get closer to her due date as it is imperative that she makes it to 36 weeks for the survival of the special needs twin. She will be going on bed rest soon and the doctors will be doing a variety of tests and research to determine exactly where they will be at delivery. Again, I ask that you add her and her husband to your prayer chain or prayer list. Remember : nothing is promised. God gives and He takes away, but it is never without meaning and a lesson learned, and it is never without reason.

I am going to end this blog with a verse on J's blog that she quoted before her beautiful and moving post about her boys.

Jeremiah 1:5

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I set you apart.

Sunshine Through Clouds

2009-03-25T21:20:00.002-05:00

I'd like to take a minute to give thanks for answered prayers. I'm not the type of person to walk around saying "God is so good!" although I do believe it and think it continually. However, in the past two weeks I have been subjected to so many miracles that I just feel overwhelmed with gratitude towards God for all that I have and that others have been blessed with as well.

First of all, I'd like to thank God for bringing K and her fiance back together (hopefully) again. A few posts ago, I told the story of my friend K who has been separated from her fiance for about a year and a half now as he was denied renewal of his Visa to come back to the U.S. from his home in Nigeria. K has been having a rough time lately. Her mom had a severe wound and had to have a wound vac, then was put in the hospital, she was dealing with trying to get her fiance back to the U.S., all while making a major move and job change. I can't imagine the stress that she has been through. Yesterday I got her call and I could hear the tears in her voice when she said, "He's hopefully coming home!" He had his interview with the Embassy and it went well. If he passes his physical/medical examination in April he will be granted his Visa approximately a week later. I immediately started to tear up myself when she told me this.

I can't imagine her faith, not just in her fiance and her loyalty to him, but her faith in God. Over the past almost 2 years she has battled a variety of emotions, all the while coming back to praising God and knowing that He had a reason for the separation. Tonight Andy and I were driving to Home Depot and I just was hit with gratitude that I was able to take a simple drive with my husband to pick up some paint.

I am so thankful, as well, for my husband. He is so wonderful in so many ways. I can't say enough about this - so instead of trying to, I'll move on.

I'm also thankful for the choice of my MBA program. I am in the second block of my second semester right now. I will be finished in August (wow) and am so excited about what the future holds for me. I did choose a private Christian university for my program, and am very happy with this decision. One of my assignments this week for my Economics class was to describe the strengths and weaknesses of a capitalist society based on biblical principles. Not only was the paper and the discussion in class challenging, it was also refreshing to be able to quote my favorite verses while trying to hear other opinions. I am grateful that I have this freedom, another thing to thank God for.

I am very much thankful for my wonderful friends and family. There are a few that I would give a limb for or even my life. I am thankful that I have a good job and am surrounded by many positive, supportive, loving co-workers.

Take a minute to be thankful for all you have. I need to do this more often.

Psalms 31:19
"Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men!"

..Growing Pains..

2009-03-03T22:39:00.003-06:00

I guess learning is what life is all about. It just seems that the past few months I have learned so much about myself...good and bad. Maybe this is because I have been faced with challenges that I never thought I would encounter. Maybe it's because, as I get older, I realize what challenges really are...whereas before, I probably would've seen a challenge and mistaken it for something else, or just turned and walked the other way.

I have learned that I am not sensitive.

Don't get me wrong. I am empathetic. I am passionate about what I do and anything else that helps better someone else. I cry during sappy movies or even when I see those animal sheltar commercials on t.v. And I have my emotional moments (please view last post to see irrational womanly behavior). However, I am not, by nature, sensitive.

I grew up in this environment. My family is very loving, very supportive, very non-dramatic, and very un-emotional. We don't hug when we see each other each time. We don't tell each other "I love you" at every gathering or after every phone call. When my dad is grouchy, we tell him to take a chill pill. When mom is over-reacting, we tell her to quit stressing out. When we are angry, we say so. When we are hurt, we say so. But we get over it. We don't fight often, because we just accept that in life you will get hurt by those you love, but they never really meant to hurt you. So we may fight for an hour, or a day. But it never lasts longer than that, because in the end we realize that it's okay to not agree...and it's okay that sometimes we get our feelings hurt.

Don't get me wrong. We love each other very much, and I do show affection sometimes to my family. But you will rarely see my parents holding hands, or hugging, or what-not. I remember the first few times I hung out with my in-laws. I was - and still am - slightly taken aback by how much hugging they do. They hug when you first walk in the door, and then they hug when you say good-bye, and if they forgot something and have to run back inside, they hug you again when they leave the second time.

No, I am not sensitive and I'm not dramatic. I don't get upset or hurt easily...it's just not me. Numerous times people have said, "that came out wrong, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings," and I think..."hurt my feelings? Why would that hurt my feelings?" I tend to just say how I feel and move past it. I get very tired of arguing very quickly. I get irritated when people are over-sensitive or over-dramatic, and therefore the past two days have been challenging and irritating to me. However, through it all, the fact that I am not sensitive has really hit me square in the face.

I am not outgoing.

A few months ago, I was talking to a friend. She said, "J (name has been omitted for obvious reasons) sent me a Facebook message the other day, and said 'you are friends with Danya on Facebook?' and I said 'Yes' and she said, 'Why?'" This statement knocked me down at first. I actually remember smiling at this comment. My friend goes on: "She said, 'She's not friendly!'"

Then I realized. No, I'm not friendly. I try to be. I make an effort to be courteous and kind. I try to do nice things for other people. If someone calls me and has a problem, I will go out of my way to help them. If someone has a nutrition question that I really don't know the answer to, I will look it up and write it down and make sure you get the answer you were looking for. But I am not really friendly. I will not smile at a stranger in the hallway usually. I am not overly outgoing unless I have to be. I have known that I am slightly stand 0ff-ish for sometime now, but just recently have I been looking at situations and thinking... "Is it me?"

I am uninhibited.

This is one of the most obvious things about myself that has come about in the past few months. I honestly don't know when to not say something. I mean, I do. But very often I'll get to talking and it just all spills out and then I feel terrible. I will say something to someone and then think, "Why did I just say that?" The other day I thought, "I don't really need to bring that up" and then five minutes and one phone call later, I had said everything I had intended not to say. I don't know why this is. Perhaps it is because I'm a pretty honest person. If something is bothering me, I tend to say that it is bothering me, so I can let it go. For some reason, as long as it has not been let out, I just keep sitting on it and never really get over it; when I tell someone, I am able to forget about it.

I am hard on myself.

This is, really, what it all boils down to. I have always been this way, and probably always will. And there's not much more I can say about that.

Overall...these aren't good qualities...but they are me. I make numerous mistakes. I beg for forgiveness. My conscious eats me alive when I do something I shouldn't have. I push myself to do more than I can. I compare myself to people that are much better people than I am in hopes that one day, I will overcome my faults and be that person that I know I can be.

2 Cor 13:5
"Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?"

Irrational

2009-02-04T19:04:00.004-06:00

It is truly amazing how we, as women, can be so irrational. The past few days I have been overly emotional. I’m not sure why, but who knows these things?

So my irrationality was evident last night. Andy was supposed to get out of class at 8:40. I was waiting for him to call so I could start dinner. I was SO hungry and tired and fed up with being home alone all night. At 9:00 I still hadn’t heard from him, so I started dinner. When it was close to being done, I tried Andy’s phone and it went straight to voicemail.

Annoyed.

Why isn’t his phone on? Must be dead. Maybe he’s on the phone with someone. No, it must be dead.

So I called again. Straight to voicemail.

Why would his phone be off? What if he is trying to avoid me? What if he has decided that he made a huge mistake marrying me, and is on his way out of state right now with everything in our bank account in his back pocket? I look down at the dogs. No, he couldn’t leave the dogs. He loves them too much. What if he comes back for them when I’m at work tomorrow? I imagine myself calling my sister and sobbing “he has left me!” in the phone.

Then, as quickly as this vision starts, another hits me.

Why would his phone be dead? What if he was in a wreck, and he and his phone were thrown miles from the car? What if he is laying in a ditch somewhere, blue lights flashing and EMTs putting him on a stretcher?

I then decide to look out the window and wait patiently. Upon this move, my mind reels back to a book I read last summer. In the book, the woman was waiting for her husband and two daughters to come home from a camping trip, and they never came home – instead, police showed up at her door to tell her that her family was dead.

I start slightly freaking out as this picture plays out in my mind. Oddly enough, I can picture the whole scene. I can even imagine falling to the ground and crying. I can imagine forgetting about the bread in the oven.

By this point I am in a pure panic. I call his phone – again. This time it rings. IT RINGS! And then he answers quickly, “hey baby, can I call you right back? I’m still at school.” And we hang up, and as sure as the visions start, they end.

Still at school? What in the world? Does he not realize it is almost 9:30 and I haven’t eaten? I am starving. What if I faint? Next time I’m going to make a Crock Pot meal that I can eat and leave the rest for him in the pot. That would be generous of me, letting it stay warm! I should just eat without him. I am so hungry! I cover my eyes with my hands and actually start to cry at this point. Then I stop. The tears aren’t really there for me to cry. I’m not really sure if I’m upset or just hungry.

I reach to stir the spaghetti sauce and think about fixing my plate. Oh, I bet he is so hungry himself. He works so hard. He has been at work all day, and then went straight to school. I’m sure he is weak with hunger. What a wonderful husband he is, working so hard to support us at this time in our lives.

Yes, what a wonderful husband I have!

So, now that you all know how incredibly irrational I can be, I will say that if you haven’t figured it out – I have a WILD imagination. One thought leads to another which leads to another. Unfortunately, this is not a good thing. One of my greatest fears is losing someone I love, and sometimes these fears play themselves out in my visions. I have even seen myself with my 5-year-old nephew cradled in my arms after being hit by a vehicle. In the vision I am screaming, holding him as his eyes close. I know this is an AWFUL scene, and I know many that read this will think I’m a morbid freak. But this is me, and it really is uncontrollable.

I have had visions of my funeral. Who is crying? Will there be music? Will Andy be okay?

Fortunately, I stay busy enough that these visions don’t creep into my mind too terribly often. But, what does this all boil down to? My irrational fears, coming out in dreams (day dreams and night dreams). I can only imagine what I will be like after having a child. And I know it seems somewhat cheesy, but after I have a horrible vision such as the ones stated above, I inevitably start to pray – because that is the only way that can get the vision out of my head – asking God to please protect my family first and foremost, and then myself.

I think back to Nebuchadnezzar’s dream that was frightening to him. I can relate to this feeling as my own dreams and visions often leave me breathless and scared. But Daniel was able to interpret Nebuchadnezzar’s dream, and in that interpretation was able to explain the powerful significance of his dream, from the head of gold to the ten toes to the stone that strikes the feet, crumbling the image. And my reasoning for bringing this in? Even when we don’t understand our own self, our own dreams, visions, goals, LIFE…God does. We will probably never have a prophet like Daniel to be able to assure us of our future by revealing the meaning of our dreams, but we do have the knowledge that God knows our past, present, and our future.

I do believe that I have this wild imagination and intricate dreams and visions for a reason. I believe that this is a part of my personality that God gave to me to understand what I have and what could so easily be lost. And with that thought, it all becomes bearable – because I know that no matter how bad the vision or dream that I have at a certain time is, God is seeing it with me and uses it to help me understand the blessings in my life.

Daniel 2:37 +
“And in the days of these kings shall the GOD OF HEAVEN SET UP A KINGDOM, WHICH SHALL NEVER BE DESTROYED: and the kingdom shall not be left to other people, but it shall break in pieces and consume all these kingdoms, and it shall stand forever…The great God hath made known what SHALL BE HEREAFTER: and the DREAM IS CERTAIN, AND THE INTERPRETATION THEREOF SURE.”

Across Many Mountains

2009-01-19T22:52:00.003-06:00

I'd like to take a few minutes and tell a story of what is going on with one of my very dear friends. I will call her K.

K and I have known each other for awhile. In college, we were friends, but we were a little different. She has always been very strong in her faith and very great at showing it to other people. I, on the other hand, went through phases in college that I'm not proud of...needless to say, I didn't really "let my light shine" like I should have. Well, that is neither here nor there.

I get to see K once a month. She is a fellow dietitian like I am and I love getting to see her when I travel for work. About a year and a half ago, K and her boyfriend at the time became very serious. They had met while we were in college - he was an exchange student from Nigeria. Their personalities are so aligned. He is so strong in his faith as she is, and together, they will truly be followers of God. They truly love each other and together have an honest love for God and His teachings.

In the summer of 2007, K and her boyfriend took a trip to Africa to spend time with his family. It just so happens that he had been accepted into a doctorate program at Texas A & M and was needing to renew his Visa in order to finish his education. While in Africa, he proposed to K. They rejoiced with his family and enjoyed their time together.

When it came time for his interview to renew his Visa, the unthinkable happened - he was denied. Apparently, it was concluded that since he was engaged to an American woman, they believed that he would not return to Nigeria, which is not favorable to them. And so, K left Africa without him. Originally, their wedding plans were scheduled for December 2007.

It's been over a year and K is still here without him. Together, they have spent thousands of dollars in lawyer fees, filling out numerous applications, etc., in order to get him approved to come over. They are at the end of the process now. The Embassy has their application, and they are just waiting to hear back. However, each day holds a promise but so far has ended in disappointment.

I tell this story because every month when I see K, I am awakened by her spirit. God has obviously dealt her a very hard hand. I can't imagine being kept away from my fiance for over a year, waiting patiently and trying not to question God. But her faith is always so strong. She refuses to let sadness sweep over her (for the most part). Last month, K told me that her fiance almost died a few weeks ago. He was one of few that survived a very bad bus wreck, and his family believed that he was dead. God had other plans for him.

I just ask that everyone keep K and her fiance in their prayers. Although they are hopefully drawing this process to a close, it is still unsure. I just pray that soon I will hear the news that he is back in America and they are planning their wedding (which I assume will be very quickly planned!). I know that this process has really worn on them - however, you would never be able to tell by talking with K. She is someone that I greatly admire, and even though she may not know it, watching her go through this and watching her continue loving and having faith in God has strengthened my own faith immeasurably.

Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

Wrong Direction

2009-01-12T18:46:00.002-06:00

Today I realized that fatigue comes in many forms and fashions.

The first and most obvious form is physical. Your feet start to hurt. Your lower back hurts. Your legs ache. You feel like you can't sit down long enough to relieve the stress in your body. You just want to lay your head down and close your eyes. The thought of a hot bath makes you somewhat salivate. When physical exhaustion takes form, my head starts to hurt and often - thanks to years of piano playing and waitressing that resulted in carpal tunnel - my hands hurt badly. This is the beginning.

The next form, for me, is emotional. I get so upset about the situation. I feel like yelling, crying, moping, and then laughing all in a rotating pattern. This is when I have to be careful who I talk to because I'm likely to vent all my feelings to the wrong person and it ends up biting me in the backside. Shortly after the emotional form comes mental fatigue. At this point, the mixture of physical and emotional fatigue have done me in. I start to forget things easily and can't seem to remember the small details. Although impairing, this step is minor in the steps of the fatigue process.

The final step in fatigue comes in a spiritual sense. This is a combination of all of the above. With the emotional rollar coaster and mental exhaustion comes questioning. My attitude suffers. I question the major things in my life and question what God has in store for me and why He has led me to the place I am.

I have been through this feeling a few times in the past couple of months. Each time I go through the same process. The other day, I was starting to feel down when I remembered something that I wrote a long time ago. When I was younger, I wrote constantly - usually short stories and poetry. I remembered something I wrote when I was around 14 and finally found it tonight.

Today I was at the point of questioning my life. I questioned why God was putting me in a situation, and I think He directed me to this for a reason. Reading over it tonight was eye opening. I can't believe at 14 I understood so much about life. I realized by reading this - again, after many years - that we will always question and we will always go through these situations. They are only obstacles that God has set before us in order to become the bigger and better person that we are - more like Christ, more like the people we are meant to be.

Untitled

It seems like lately life has got me down

I get ahead only to be spun around

The realistic views I held so dear

are all of the sudden not so clear

Each step that I take down this long road

only makes me tired with its overbearing load

The happiness is there but how to achieve

when each day it gets so much harder to believe

Just when things seem to be going my way

something new comes to change the day

I pray to God to reveal my strength

to keep me going when the water gets deep

I know it don't come easy, just like they say

so I close my eyes and try to pray

For a better time, to bring me peace

to show me that happiness isn't totally out of reach

So I'll keep on going and try to hold my faith

Because I know in the end God will show me the way..

Even when we are physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually tired and feel alone and lost, God is there for us. When we feel our attitudes and our lives are going in the wrong direction, He is there to steer us in the right way, if we pay attention to Him and His plan. I can only hope that in the next few weeks as I keep going through these trying situations, I can remember this poem that I wrote at such a young age, and see all that God has done and is doing in my life.

Matthew 11:28
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Overwhelmed.

2009-01-06T20:03:00.002-06:00

I have been asked many times today how I am doing, and the word that can only describe it is

overwhelmed.

I started back to work on Monday, which was hard after being off for two weeks. I would have normally been excited to start out the new year and to start getting work done, except our cook quit right before Christmas. We haven't hired anyone so I am having to train and fill in in the kitchen until we get permanent help. It is exhausting. The job in itself is not necessarily *hard*. What is hard is doing my job and cooking for 80 children as well. I have had no time to do anything that I need to do, which has been very trying. And it is only Tuesday.

I had The Dream last night. Not the screaming dream that I talked about in an earlier post, but another. I have had two recurring dreams in recent years. The first one is the one I spoke of earlier in which I am screaming at someone. But this one is much more exhausting.

This dream started when I waited tables at Tia's. I worked at Tia's for 4 years, and during that time, I experienced everything to do with the restaurant business. The most trying part of waiting tables is what servers call being "in the weeds" which is when you are so over your head and busy and behind that you feel like you'll lose your mind. In this dream, I am always waiting tables and I am so behind. I have a restaurant full of tables that I am waiting on. People are staring at me because they have no drinks yet or I have forgotten they were my table. They are angry. Some people leave. Meanwhile, the servers around me are laughing and joking around. I am overwhelmed in this dream, sweaty, and my heart is pulsing.

This dream always hits me when I feel overwhelmed in my life and the hardest part about the dream is that I wake up feeling so tired. I am mentally spent because in my mind I have been waiting tables all night long.

There are so many things that are going on in my life right now and I feel like I'm grasping a slippery rope. I have made a solid effort so far in reading my Bible readings daily. Last year, I read them until August. In August we went to Mexico for vacation, and I didn't take my Bible because I didn't want it to get messed up. Interesting enough, August was when I was baptised. I wasn't very good the rest of the year regarding my Bible readings. However, when I started this year I remembered how much it impacts my life. I pray more. I have a better attitude. I try to take things in stride. I feel closer to God.

The second portion of the Bible readings have been in Psalms. The Psalms is so powerful to me, because David is so weary and burdened and crying out constantly for God to relieve him from his pain and suffering. What I find most powerful is that no matter how much lamenting David does, he never gives up on God. He keeps praying, knowing that God will give him the rest he needs, in HIS time, not in Davids. I am praying right now for God to guide me through this trying time and help me see the end of the tunnel soon as well.

Psalm 119:28
"My soul melteth for heaviness: strengthen thou me according unto thy word."

Poor.

2008-12-30T00:07:00.005-06:00

When I was little we lived in a single-wide brown mobile home on my grandparent's land, perpendicular to my Aunt Jeannie and Uncle Darrell's trailor. Our trailor was small and had lots of leaks and creepy things would often appear. We had slugs in the bathtub. Once we had a possum crawl up into the cabinet of my parent's bathroom, which I found when I was brushing my teeth. I remember screaming and running down the hall. Later my dad shot the possum.

We were poor.

Mom says if it hadn't have been for my grandparents, buying us food and the basics for survival, they would have never made it.

I tell this story for a few reasons. My mind has been racing lately with all kinds of things. Today my husband and I had a talk about our finances. Money is tight right now, as it is for a lot of people. Andy will graduate in just 5 short months and we are banking on a job at Acxiom that looks very promising, but they aren't hiring until May. Until then, we are attempting to get by without getting into any more debt. Today we discussed how to pay down our credit cards and have money saved up in our account when May arrives so we can start building our dream home.

Andy is stressed a lot about finances. I think he struggles with the fact that he is in school right now and can't provide what he wants to. Today, he went out for a few minutes and I stayed home. While he was gone I found myself worrying about money. I started looking at things we could put in a garage sale to make some extra money. And my thoughts led me to my childhood.

Again, we were poor. However, that trailor that we lived in was a castle to me. I remember on cold mornings my sister and I would wake up and run into the living room. We both slept in my dad's oversized tee shirts and we were always freezing when we woke up. When we reached the living room, we would lay down on the vent on the floor with a blanket, letting the heat warm our feet while dad brought us oatmeal.

I remember walking through the trailor after bathtime with wet hair in the summer. We always had the windows open with a fan blowing in to keep the cost down. I remember the distinct smell of honeysuckles that grew on the fence across the street and hearing my dad and cousin and his friends playing basketball outside on our make-shift court.

I remember mom being really worried about money at one point. I took her my piggy bank full of pennies and small change and told her she could have it.

Our other cousins lived in a big house in North Little Rock, which is still a well-to-do neighborhood to this day. I always loved going to their house; they had so much room for hiding and playing games. They even had a Go Cart that you could ride all around their huge backyard on the walkway that was meant for strolling. We would order pizza and pretend to make booby traps from the top of the stairs like in Home Alone. We would get out Michael's whip and hat and pretend we were Indiana Jones and had to scale up the stairway. Everything about their house was different than how I lived my life.

Interestingly enough, they loved coming to our trailor.

A few years ago when I still lived at home, I was driving home with my dad and I told him that I have such happy memories of my childhood and sometimes even wish I could go back. I remember seeing my dad get slightly emotional - which hardly ever happens. He told me that was wonderful to hear, and that we were so poor but that mom and dad tried so hard to just make sure we had a good childhood.

I guess my reason for these memories is to remind myself of what Andy and I have. We have a brand new house that has never been lived in. We drive nice cars and have nice things. We really don't have a lot of debt in comparison to many other people (besides the obvious - mortgage and school loans). And still, we continue to worry and plan and try to think of ways to pay the cards down or find ways to make more money. I continue to pick out our house plan and wall colors for the house we hope to build this summer, planning the kids rooms and making sure the living room will be big enough and the dining room large enough to hold our huge family. Page after page I find something I don't like about most of the plans. I have trouble keeping the square footage to the amount Andy has told me, which is huge anyway.

But at the end of the day it's not about any of that at all. I can only hope that when this new house is built and we do have kids, that they will have just as happy of a childhood as I had in that rickety old trailor.

Matthew 19:24
"And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God."

Life Before School

2008-12-07T15:25:00.002-06:00

Last block when I started classes, I didn't post the entire 6 weeks. Before I started this block, I thought to myself, "surely you can post at least a little bit." My classes weren't even that hard, but I haven't posted in a LONG time! So, here I am. I am officially FINISHED with my first semester of my MBA. I have two more semesters to go, and plan on graduating in August of 2009! The crazy thing is, that really isn't that far away.

I remember when I was in undergraduate, 2 semester seemed like forever. But now, with work and with school and family and meeting and just LiFe...2 semesters is a small amount of time. By that time, Andy will be done with his first BA degree. It truly is amazing!

It is very strange how different life is without school. When I'm in school, I am slightly stressed and ALWAYS working on something. However, as soon as it was over, I was bored again. I have a few projects planned for Christmas break because I honestly don't know what I will do with a week and a half off of work and school. Andy and I renovated the dining room before Thanksgiving and we were in such a rush that there are still things we need to finish, so I will be finising those projects. I also really want to put hardwoods down in the extra bedroom and paint that room, as well as clean out the closets and I'd LOVE to have a garage sale...just don't know if I feel up to it!

There's not much else to discuss really. Hopefully sometime in the near future I'll have news to share that will make this blog much more exciting...but for now it's just my rantings.

Proverbs 9:10
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding."

Religion & Politics

2008-10-19T16:43:00.003-05:00

So everything about life has been exhausting lately.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life and the last thing I want to do is give the impression that I'm a disgruntled individual. I love everything about my husband, some things about my job, and I really love the weekends. Lately, though, work has got me stressed out, and adding class onto that has been equally compromising. I start my second block of classes on Thursday and I'm feeling pretty good about it, except for the mere fact that this block will be introducing me to Accounting Theory & Practice. I have never taken an accounting class in my life, so I am pretty scared at this point. I have been taking a "primer" course to prep me since I never had accounting, and I finally got stuck Thursday night on the tests I have to pass in order to start the class. I'll have to have Andy help me in order to finish, which has got me slightly frazzled.

This week marks two weeks until the election, and I can't express my overwhelming gratitude at how little time that is. I'm SO tired of the election. Not to mention that I'm tired of hearing about why this person should get it, this person shouldn't, what's going to happen to the nation, and most of all that Obama is some sort of satanic prophet.

Really?

Now, you'll have to forgive me. I don't mean to sound insensitive. I don't vote; it is against what I believe, but what I do know is that there is one leading this country that WILL make the right decisions: GOD. And so therefore, we really shouldn't question what happens in the election because, ultimately, God is leading the situation. What makes me the most frustrated is that people actually get ANGRY about one candidate or another. I'm sorry, but this is completely not conducive to a "Christian" lifstyle, in which God says to not worry about tomorrow.

I feel that most of the anger that arises because of Obama is inevitably, though you may not want to admit this, because he is black. Please, lets just face the fact. I'm sure there are some that truly don't like his policies, but overall, people are scared, intimidated, and just downright prejudiced towards someone like him.

What is scary about this? Imagine a time when we get a new ruler, but he happens to be a Jew. His policies are strict, his rules set in stone. He leads by a dictatorship, not a democracy. We follow a set of beliefs that he leads. Much of how we have lived our lives vanishes, and a new order is in place. Does this make you angry just thinking about it? Then you are angry at Christ, who will lead in this same theory.

I don't intend to offend anyone, just really wish people would 1) think about what they say before they say it, 2) look around and ask themselves "will this offend anyone?" before they start a conversation, and 3) really think about how ignorance is contagious in this country. That is all I really ask. As for the election, I will be anxious to see the next leader of our country, though I am at perfect peace knowing that whoever it will be is the one God chooses, and if the leader is one who leads our country in a spiral downshift, then so be it, that is what we are meant to head for. Quite truthfully, there is no more peace than knowing that God is leading us everyday and will continue to do so, whether by an older, ex-POW or a new-age biracial popular Democrat.

Daniel 7:13-14
"I saw in the night visions, and behold, with the clouds of heaven t here came on like a son of man, and he came to the Ancient of Days and was presented before him. And to him was given dominion and glory and kingdom, that all peoples, nations, and languages should serve him; his dominion is an everlasting dominion, which shall not pass away, and his kingdom one that shall not be destroyed."

Turn the Other Cheek

2008-10-11T23:26:00.004-05:00

In continuance of my last post. No, He never said it would be easy.

I got a full fledge reaction tonight; one that expressed her anger towards me as she called me selfish, childish, immature, shallow, and everything in between the lines that suggested she never wanted to talk to me again. Of course, I know that these things aren't true. I have never in my life been called any of these characteristics by anyone who has known me (well, except my mom calling me selfish a few times, but that doesn't count) for any period of time. But, I know that this is her anger speaking, and probably some hurt feelings also.

It still doesn't make it easy to hear from someone who you never really meant to hurt. But she is not used to people being up front with her, and so her reaction makes sense to me. Remember the mantra "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me?" As a child, we sang these tunes, knowing even at that age that they weren't true. But also as a child, what we didn't understand is the commandment of Christ to "turn the other cheek." How many times did Christ bear the burdan of awful words being spat at him? Of people yelling at him, cursing him, abusing him, and in the end, sacrificing him, all the while mocking his existence? On Sundays when we take Memorials I think about this life compared to Christ's. How easy we have it compared to him. Christ was treated harsher than we could ever imagine, and all because he was truly trying to show the people their wrongdoings.

But we, as humans, never like to hear about our wrongdoings. We don't like honesty if it means we are the person on the other end of the exchange. We don't like to be called out on something. And so we get angry, just as the people in Christ's day got angry with him. We don't hear what we want to hear and so we try to use every angry word we can to make up for the hurt that we feel inside.

But Christ didn't do this. The things he endured were so much more than a few hurtful words from an angry friend, and he still was able to weather the storm without once being anything but understanding. And what did he say at the end? After other's anger had brought him to his death? "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." Instead of taking himself off the stake, putting the people to death that were mocking them, creating mass havok around them that could have showed them all who he really was, he just kept his peace, and prayed for God to forgive them.

This is the most powerful lesson of them all to me...because life is just that, a lot of hurt, anger, and regret. Of course, there are the wonderful moments stitched in between. But there will always be times when the sinful part of life weaves its way in. The unexpected thorn as you prepare a vase full of beautiful roses. But it is quite obvious that the only way to master this thorn, to truly try to be as Christ, is to "turn the other cheek," even when all we want to do is throw our own words in the mix, to make the person feel as hurt as they tried to make you feel, to show how angry you are in return.

But again, for the third time this weekend...He never said it would be easy. And so, with that, the end of what I questioned was a true friendship anyway. I didn't write her back; I pray that eventually God will work His way into her heart and she will find forgiveness. For me, the situation is over. I can only continue to pray about it and to put it behind me--just another thorn stick in the rose garden of life.

Matthew 5:39
"But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also."

When God closes a door, He opens a window.

2008-10-10T21:38:00.006-05:00

I'm pretty sure today I lost a friend.

After constant prayer and deep conversations with my sister and husband, I made a very hard decision to be honest with someone that I have been friends with for awhile. I have prayed and really thought about this decision to be honest for a long time, and I saw an opening and took it. She didn't take it very well, which I understand.

I've never been the type to tell people how I really feel. I usually hold things in until I can find a way to vent them out. I know that I've held onto something for too long whenever I start having dreams that I'm screaming at the person that I'm upset with. I have had those dreams about different people throughout my life, and it is all because that is how I really feel but never acted on it. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of dreams that leave me sweating and breathless. I'm tired of not being honest and hiding my real feelings. I'm tired of letting the hurt from the past haunt me and faking a friendship.

The crazy thing is, I honestly care about this person. I wish nothing but the best for her and I hope she finds everything that will make her happy in life. We are just so different now. Can you really be REAL friends with someone if you have totally conflicting views on everything about life? Through my recent walk towards following God's true teachings, I have really evaluated my friends on if they were the type of people that share the same goal as I do. Would I call them when I had a problem? Would they understand if I was upset? Do they know what I have been going through the past few months? Do they know I've had two recent surgeries? The answer to all of these questions today was no. And no, she didn't understand that I was upset. She was equally upset back at me for my honesty. I don't blame her on this; she is going through a stressful time right now and needs close friends surrounding her. I just don't feel like that person is me.

Having said all that, I realized yesterday when Andy was holding me, trying to comfort me from overwhelming feelings of sadness, doubt, confusion, and anger, that friends are so hard to come by. Friends that honestly care about you and understand your feelings. Friends that actually are upset when you're upset and friends that you can call and say "please pray for me" or even "please pray for my aunt/uncle/grandmother/whatever right now" and they will say, "of course, I will be thinking of you." Friends that actually remember what you are going through and ask you about it. Friends that want to share your joy without taking from it or share your sadness without running. Those are the relationships I crave and that are so hard to find.

I used to think that once you were married and settled down, that things got easier. Relationships are pretty much set, you get a job, everything settles down. No more drama, no more hard issues to deal with. This is so not true. The only difference is that I have one constant, my husband, that I can run to for shelter, who will love me no matter the decision I make. But decisions as an adult are hard. Especially once you truly want to follow Christ's example and try to be a better person. But I guess God never guaranteed that life would be easy. It's the trials and tribuluations that mold us into the character that He wants us to be. It's the true struggle that shows God that we are really trying and that during the worst valleys of life, we are still trying to do what we think God wants us to do. This decision was one of those--a decision to make myself better and follow the person God wants me to be. I can only hope that in time she will understand the reasons behind my feelings--but until then, I can only pray for God to keep directing my walk on this bumpy, scary, sweet path.

John 16:33
"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

Family <3

2008-10-01T16:58:00.005-05:00

Here are some recent family pictures. I just love Ashley's photography!

And here are Jude's 7 month pictures. All of these were taken by Ashley, a very good friend who has her own photography business. She is so good at getting those shots that you can never get in time! Check her out at http://www.ashleysphotography.ifp3.com/.

Enjoy! :)

The Many Hats of Dietitians

2008-08-23T22:15:00.004-05:00

On Friday of this particularly hard week (that is over now, thank goodness), I was driving home from my North Little Rock clinic visit, with 30 #10 cans in the trunk of the company car, and I had a realization.

Who knew?

Who knew when I signed up to become a dietitian that I would wear all these hats. Who knew I would track 400 children's nutrition and growth? Who knew that I would meet with parents one day, compare food costs and consult with our company's CFO on how to lower food costs, meet with clinic directors, and do feeding therapy...and the next day I would spend in the kitchen because my cook didn't show up, cooking for 80 children and washing dishes for 2 hours? Who knew I would create menus and then have to cook the food that I ordered weekly if a staff member calls in? Who knew I would have days when I was not just mentally and emotionally exhausted from figuring out how to get tube fed children to want to eat but also physically exhausted from moving 30 #10 cans of fruit from one clinic to the next?

When I was in college, my internship director would often tell us stories of when she worked in a hospital setting. I remember one day she was giving the class an expose on her work as a Foodservice Director at Doctor's Hospital. She said that she kept an extra pair of scrubs in her office in case her line cook called in and she had no one to dish out mashed potatoes. This, she said, was the nature of the beast. Good money, but making sacrifices to keep it running smoothly, because ultimately, you are in charge of getting patients fed.

I snickered at this at the time and said "I will NOT do that!"

I officially am eating my words. They don't go down very easily.

Now I find that I have an extra scrub top in my office just in case, and when the cook calls in I suck it up and put on a white bonnet hairnet and get to work. Andy gets frustrated with me about this and says that if I don't do it or say I won't do it, then they'll find someone else. But, just as my teacher said, ultimately, the job is mine to get the kids fed efficiently, safely, and in a timely manner. So much hinges on them getting a good meal at the right time.

As a dietitian, I am flexible. When you are in school to be a dietitian you aren't particularly trained in one area. You are taught a variety of things and are expected to find your niche when you get your first job and are also expected to basically...figure it out. You have 2 weeks of a pediatric rotation but are expected to hop into a job full swing. You learn about geriatrics, pediatrics, heart disease, autoimmune diseases, sports nutrition, weight loss, diabetes, general health, maternity. You learn about how a bill becomes a law, writing nutrition grants, and legislation. You learn about how to calculate how many FTE's your staff equals, how to calculate your food cost and percentage of plate waste. You learn about how to replace an egg in a recipe and the aspartame controversy.

But you don't learn what to do when you can't feed a child because their tube feed button is messed up, or why the child with autism won't eat anything but Cheetos, or how to get a child to swallow correctly when they have an unrepaired submucous cleft, or what to say when a parent tells you they feed their child dog food.

And so, these are the many hats that I wear. Not to mention wife, daughter, sister, friend, aunt, and follower of Christ. There were times when I thought my decision to become a dietitian wasn't a good one, but as I learn and grow I realize how important we are to so many people and so many patients...and I can't help but smile at all of my different hats.

Matthew 19:26
"With God all things are possible."

Unanswered Prayers

2008-08-21T20:48:00.003-05:00

This week has been a particularly hard week.

If you work with special needs children, you understand. There are wonderful, rewarding times. There are times when you wonder if a child recognizes you because they can't see but respond to your voice and touch by offering a sweet smile. There are times when you see them overcome an obstacle that you have never had to face, all the while wanting to give up and call it quits but they just keep going.

And then there are the hard times. These are the times when you can't figure out what is wrong, or how to fix it. These are the times when you call their doctor, brainstorm with their other therapists, research on the internet, post messages on listservs, and still you just can't figure it out. Sometimes we are lucky and the problem fixes itself; the body's way of correcting itself can be amazing at times. Sometimes we are lucky in that the child ends up in the hospital or at the doctor's office but the doctor discovers the answer.

And sometimes, they don't.

It is particularly hard when you work with a patient, day in and day out, and you wonder if they will make it. There are just some children that you just wonder...even though you try not to think that way, you still wonder if - and how - they will overcome what has happened to them. You wonder what God's purpose is for keeping them here to begin with, but trust that they are here to show you strength and courage and give you the push to go to work again the next day. And then, the patient gets sick, and you wonder again if they will make it. Sometimes they do, and sometimes God decides, for whatever reason, that the struggle has been long and hard but that it is the end.

We wonder how these are fair. How crack addicts can have healthy babies who wind up in foster care, but a loving mother who faithfully takes her prenatal vitamins and cuts out all caffeine ends up having a stillborn.

A few months ago, I was diagnosed with adenocarcinoma. This sounds incredibly scary, as it did when I first heard it and was assured that it is "not as scary as it sounds." Basically, I have precancer cells on my cervix that did not resolve with my first surgery. I remember sitting in the doctor's office after my first surgery, and seeing my doctor frown and shake his head, and say "we just didn't get it all like we wanted to. You're just so young." I remember the distraught look on his face and then him saying that he would refer me to an oncology specialist. I remember the words "It is NOT cancer, but precancer." And then, I remember him saying that the oncology specialist would most likely talk to me about my plans for having children and possibly, a hysterectomy.

Andy held me as I cried uncontrollably in the parking lot. I thought on the way home that day about plans. The doctor would want to know our plans for having children. Of course we had a plan, as most newly married couples do. We wanted Andy to finish school and us to buy a bigger house, we wanted him to get a good job and then I could get pregnant next summer and maybe, just maybe, not have to work when the baby was born. But as I drove home that day, I realized that there was a chance that this was something bigger than our plans. You make plans, you think about them, you pick out names, you prepare, you dream...just as you work with a patient day in and day out and you see them pass a goal and you see them regress a little but you have hope for the future and so you make a new treatment plan...but in the end, they are just plans. And our plans are not always God's plans.

To some, this sounds cruel of God. I've heard comments before, questions concerning why an innocent little baby would die, or why God would let a child live until four years of age and overcome so much just to take them away, or why a 24 year old develops cancer. But to me, this thought is comforting; we may not know why, but God does, and He did it all for a reason that we can only trust in.

Isaiah 55:8
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD."

Life As I Know It

2008-08-09T00:28:00.004-05:00

So, we had a fantastic time in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, save for the unfortunate catastrophe that took place when my mother broke her ankle. Actually, she broke her fibula, which is around her ankle, but I do believe it is actually her leg. We went ATV riding through the desert, went deep sea fishing and hauled in a 280 lb 128 inch blue marlin (took 1 hour and 20 minutes to reel it in...no thanks to me, just the men on the boat), walked around the town of Cabo, got deep tissue massages, and ate as much food as possible.

And now, back to the grind of things. Upon returning I found a letter from Harding, an acceptance letter into their MBA program that I applied for recently. I have to admit, I was a little worried I wouldn't get in for whatever reason. I registered for my first semester of classes today, 12 hours along with an MBA tutorial program I have to complete prior to my first class. So, tonight while Andy finished his last final, I started the MBA tutorial.

I was a little overwhelmed. When did everything get so complicated? I guess I don't remember my last graduate degree being very complicated, but then again, that was 3 years ago. I am hoping that all of the technicalities will register as I start working through my courses and won't be so confusing. I guess all new things are a little overwhelming at first.

What hasn't hit me yet, but will soon, is that the life as I know it will be over soon. No more being bored while Andy works on his schoolwork. Not only am I going to be continuing my wonderful job as an RD full time, I will also be a full time MBA student as well as working a second contract job on the side. I am hoping I will take the transition from having nothing to do to having no time at all smoothly.

Then again, it is only for one year. The program is quite concise and I'm hoping this year will fly by. Not only will that mean the end of my second graduate degree and hopefully an added credential and new opportunities, but it means the end of Andy's BA, which he has worked his cakes off to finish while working 3 jobs. He will then jump headfirst into his own MBA program, but at least by then he will be done with the biggest part.

Of course I am trying to heed the advice in that Trace Adkins song "You're Gonna Miss This." If you haven't heard it, listen to it sometime. I am trying to savor our time together just being a newly married couple, but it does seem hard sometimes when he is wrapped up in finishing school and we are caught up in thinking of the future all the time and what we need to do to get where we want to be.

Aside from all of that, I have been off of work for one week now and it feels s.t.r.a.n.g.e. I checked my work e-mail yesterday, nothing alarming. I am hoping I won't have a lot of catching up to do, but will have to jump right back into my clinic visits next week. Enough of that. Andy is snoring on the couch next to Hershey, our chocolate Cocker Spaniel, who is also snoring. I believe it is past all of our bedtimes.

Matthew 6:34

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient to the day is the evil thereof."

Hey, Stranger

2008-07-31T21:54:00.002-05:00

Today was the first day of the Special Needs in the Early Years conference sponsored by UAMS and Kids First. I have to say...it was EXCELLENT!...except the parking downtown. The conference was at the Peabody so parking was kind of scattered. I ended up paying ten bucks that I *thankfully* had stashed in my purse (left over from the other nights Taco Bell).

The conference lasts two days, and after today's speakers I am so excited about tomorrow. Sibyl Cox, MS, RD, LD, had THREE sessions on Food Chaining. It was excellent and I learned SO much that I can use at my clinics. I also heard an awesome speaker (sorry...forgot her name right now) give an exposition on F.A.S. and the dangers of drinking ANY alcohol during pregnancy--especially the early weeks. I also heard an RD from California speak on new nutrition hot topics...including breastfeeding and pro-and prebiotics.

But the highlight of the day: I was very apprenhensive the first half of the day because of our scheduled lunch. If you know me, then you know I am very OCD. I have to have a schedule usually, or at least a plan. I get anxious when I don't know what's coming. Well...today, the schedule read "Lunch on your own." Of course, I was a little bit apprehensive about this. I begged Andy to come meet me downtown for lunch because I was just a few feet from his office, but he had a loan closing at 12:00, so he couldn't. So, knowing no one at the conference, I set out alone, following the crowds, begging silently for an easy Subway that I could zip in and out and get back to the conference hall.

Unfortunately, no Subway until a few streets up and I was not about to walk that far in the heat, so I followed the crowd in front of me to Iriana's Pizza downtown (de-lish). People from the conference were filing in all around me in groups, grabbing the 4-seater tables with their co-workers. I slightly panicked. I didn't want to take the only 4-seater table left just for me. At that moment, I noticed a lady with a conference badge sitting at the only 2-seater table. I walked up and politely asked if she was alone and if I could sit there with her. She said yes and so I spent the next 45 minutes making friends with a Physical Therapist for Access Schools with a 3 year old who has ADHD and who used to work at Kids First in Pine Bluff.

You see, I am not an outgoing person. I love making friends, but I'm not the type to initiate. I normally would have turned away from that situation and even left, but something made me stay, and I had a very pleasant lunch and even made an acquaintance that I'll most likely never talk to again, but an acquaintance all the same. We actually had a lot in common, both working in an ECI setting with kids with similar disorders.

So, I have a newfound pride in myself today, for stepping out of the box. I guess you'll never know much about life unless you take chances. After all, what do we really have to lose if God is with us all the time?

Joshua 1:9
"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage, be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest."

Meatloaf

2008-07-30T19:39:00.002-05:00

I consider myself to be a somewhat decent cook. Contrary to many people's beliefs, not all dietitians are good cooks, and definitely NOT all cooks are dietitians (don't even get me started). When I talk about my past cooking experiences, many people look at me and say, "didn't you have to take cooking classes in college to get your degree?" Well, did I go to culinary school or did I get a nutrition degree? I guess this is partly true. I did take a couple of classes where cooking was in the curriculum. But nothing that would teach me the lessons I have learned from just trying to cook my husband a decent dinner.

Tonight was no exception. I have made meatloaf before. It isn't hard. I had to call my sister, AGAIN, to get the recipe. I always seem to forget how long and to what temperature to cook something to...and my friends, this is crucial! So I started the meatloaf at 5:30, knowing my husband would be starving at...well, 5:30. I did everything as directed and even threw in some extra smashed crackers, hoping to enhance the loaf. I set the timer and an hour later, I'm all ready.

Except my loaf was more than ready. It was brown and badly burned on the ends.

I'm guessing that I put too many crackers in the loaf. That is all I can come up with. However, I was pretty disappointed. My endearing husband, so sweet and so careful not to hurt my feelings, tried everything to assure me that the loaf was still good, even forcing a smile as he chewed the rubbery mess and exclaiming "mmm..." Needless to say, tonight we had Taco Bell for dinner.

On a happier note, today was my LAST day of work for the next week and a half!! Tomorrow and Friday I will be at the UAMS Special Needs in the Early Years conference, hopefully soaking up awesome information from Sibyl Cox, MS, RD, LD, and Elizabeth Strickland, MS, RD, LD, two speakers that I am SO excited about! And then...Saturday, we will be leaving for our vacation in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

I'll be thinking of my dear friends as I am sipping a cold drink on beach.

For now...So You Think You Can Dance will be on shortly. Have a wonderful Wednesday!

Psalms 27:1
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?"

Bloggidy Blog Blog

2008-07-28T21:01:00.003-05:00

My inspiration to create a blog has come about recently. My overloaded husband is taking 27 hours this summer, and so, I am a little less than enthused to sit on the couch all night. So...here I am. Plus, I recently read in a report that bloggers tend to be less stressed out than the rest of America because they are able to channel their slash-your-tires thoughts onto a blog. At least, that is what I remember.

And now, two hours after I began creating this blog, here I am. Technical difficulties, and I consider myself somewhat of a computer mini-guru.

My day has been exhausting, but what day isn't? I finally have almost gotten rid of the headache I had all day. I was lucky enough to sit in trainings for three hours today.

I work in a day treatment facility for special needs children, which can be so rewarding and so hard at the same time. Today was my day to do Feeding Therapy with a 3 year old boy with autism. If you live on this earth and pay any attention at all, you most likely know what autism is, but you may not know the extreme feeding difficulties that children with autism may or may not have.

Most of my kiddos that I follow (which in number...approximately 400 special needs children) that have autism do have a mild to severe feeding disorder. Many are on a GFCF diet (gluten free, casein free) which I plan for each clinic and train each cook to execute. Many have severe feeding aversions which can arise from an endless array of possibilities. Usually, texture difficulties that are not 100% specific to autism, but very hard to deal with.

I, along with this child's Speech Therapist, Occupational Therapist, Mental Health Professional, and classroom teachers, have worked endlessly with Feeding Therapy daily to try to introduce him to new foods. We have specific instructions from a local Feeding Behavioral Specialist (an MD at Children's Hospital) on how to introduce foods to him, and we have tried a variety of our own techniques as well. His progress has been...nil. Some days we get so excited and then we go three weeks without seeing any progress.

Today when I sat down with him he was already crying, knowing lunch was coming. As soon as I tried to introduce a piece of hamburger patty, he immediatey threw his arms over his face in the ultimate shielding position and turned his head. I somehow got him to open for three bites of meat, but the rest was awful. He was more resistant than I've ever seen him, resistant to "touch, lick, taste" the pineapple or mashed potatoes (FYI...I use Kay Toomey's "Steps of Eating" program that I learned of at a conference given by Elizabeth Strickland, MS, RD, LD).

After only a few minutes, I gave up, realizing that this child was seriously upset today for some reason. I ran into his MHP a few minutes later and we discussed what had happened. She asked if I heard what happened this morning, and I said that I had heard he threw up. I wasn't too concerned about this...many of our kids throw up for random reasons during the day. After a few minutes of talking with her, I learned that another staff member (who's name and profession will go unnamed) FORCED him to eat a waffle that morning, resulting in him throwing up all over his clothes and regressing dramatically in the feeding progress we had made.

My heart hurts for this child and for all other children with feeding issues that people do this to. Please please please, never force a child to eat if they have a feeding disorder!! Actually, never force a child to eat, period!! We are in a new era of thinking. We have so much research on feeding disorders with autism and PDD as well as with premature children, but we still have uneducated people out there that believe since they raised two children of their own this way, it will work for every child.

I see this a lot with grandparents, who don't understand what we have learned about feeding disorders, along with uneducated parents/staff members who feel that this is strictly behavioral. True, there are many behaviors that go along with a feeding problem...but we need to address those separately.

So, needess to say...I had a hard, upsetting day because of this revelation. I did report this incident and I can only hope something gets done about it. But for now, I will hope that the months of Feeding Therapy we have been doing is not all lost because of one blind, uneducated incident.

And this is the end of my first blog. I'm sure for many of you this is utterly BORING...but for many of you with interest in these issues, it may be very intriguing and maybe you can offer some type of advice.

Romans 12:21
"Be not overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good."